25 years ago I was born on a paddleboat going down the mighty Mississippi. We were boarded by river pirates who kidnapped me, hoping to sell me into slavery. When they realized that slavery had been outlawed in the US for the past 120 or so years at the time they did the next best thing in exploitation and turned me into a child actor. After a stint as the Huggies baby (I was dropped for being too fat, they replaced me with that damn Mary-Kate Olsen, and look where she is now!) I was in the Mickey Mouse Club. Unfortunatly Justin caught me and Britney in a...compromising situation and I was kicked out. I landed on my feet though, as I was offered the lead in a movie where I played a kid who was left home alone by his family. He proceeded to outsmart some potential theives even though he was home alone. I can't remember the name of the movie though as I fell into a drug binge while trying to get over the heartache of losing Britney. It was about this time the river pirates abandoned me in Arizona with no money. I planned to go to Mexico and start over, but I was on the wrong side of the freelove freeway while hitchhiking and ended up in Canada.

I am smrt, bored, and cynical

My friends say I'm a workoholic, and possibly an alcoholic. I've fulfilled my lifelong dream of becoming a blackjack dealer and I've fulfilled my other, more recent lifelong dream of quitting my job as a blackjack dealer. I'd really like to be a pirate though.

Causing trouble. Calling people cockgobblers. Being sarcastic. Procrastinating. Sleeping. Inventing horrible drinking games that leave me with no memory of the night before. Dealing cards.

I'm tall. I usually wear glasses. Or as one of my casino bosses told me "...the sneer of contempt on your face as you take the gamblers money." I like that last one.

Books: Oh God, too many to list. Anything by Vonnegut. Loads of others.

Movie: Pirates of the Caribbean! YARRR!

Music: loads of stuff; Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth, Beck, Garbage, the Pixies, the White Stripes, Weezer, Cake, Pete Yorn, Wilco, Elton John, Arcade Fire, Broken Social Scene, the Killers, the Walkmen, the Beatles...the list goes on and on.

Food: Anything that didn't come from the sea. Preferably BBBQ'd.

coffee, sleep, books, music, stuff to laugh about/at, pointless questions to waste my time

Whether I'd support Denmark or Canada if the Hans Island dispute ever leads to war.

a little worse for wear but wearing it well.

I like my cat more than most people.

you can tell me what the extra "B" in BBBQ stands for.