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29 F Washington, DC

My Details

Last Online
Jun 23
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type

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My self-summary
I have no idea how to use this site. Dating in the wild tends toward two scenarios:
1) Meet friend of a friend, instant chemistry, done
2) Slow burning awkwardness with someone you see on the regular, eventual reciprocation

Remember college? The days when you could meet someone in a bar or a house or a lawn or whatever and think, "Hot damn, isn't this a fine physical specimen? Onward."

This site introduces the complexity of finding out that 90% of the population, if asked, describes themselves using what appears to be boilerplate madlib material which is completed solely using earnestness and cliche. You stick around long enough and you realize that of the remaining 10%, there is a terrifying number who do things like admit to only wanting to date other white people or they agree with describing women as being OBLIGATED to shave their legs.

So, now, your new scenarios:
1) Ignore terrifyingly low odds of compatibility with instant chemistry specimens, proceed to banging anyway
2) Slow burn awkwardness, hope for luck
3) exhausting, continued trudge through the halls of this site

You are either a well adjusted human and this discovery is neutral to good in terms of your romantic prospects, or you are a hopeless case like me.

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to round out this game:
Round 1: What is your favorite color?
The Most Pretentious Answer: International Klein Blue
Round 2: What is your favorite meme?
The Most Pretentious Answer: Agriculture
Round 3: What breaks your heart?
The Most Pretentious Answer: Derivative Art
I’m really good at
Exploiting the "loveless, sexless marriage" loophole during particularly unpalatable rounds of fuck/marry/kill.

I tend to reserve the "biblical, polygamous marriage" loophole for special occasions.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I am no longer capable of being entertained.
The six things I could never do without
I would have listed my five things and then sex, but it turns out there are levels of survival I had not quite anticipated.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How to make nihilism sexy to rockstars.
Hey baby. Hey.
On a typical Friday night I am
Accepting that I am old enough to shun the living in favor of binge watching tv/movies on netflix with my room mates.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I did the friends with benefits thing for a few months about a year ago. The second time this gentleman and I agreed to "hang out" we decided to grab dinner down the street. I was in the middle of recounting a story about how I signed a saving it for marriage pledge during my (evangelical) teenage years, when, to my horror, an older man at a table nearby stood up and started to walk over to our booth. I was absolutely floored that I was going to have to deal with this, that I had offended some older conservative dude with all my talking of sex and religion with such profanity to the point that he was going to interrupt my "date" to check on the state of my soul when I was just trying to get dinner before getting laid.

It was my dad.
He occasionally drives through nova for work. Was planning on stopping by to surprise me after he grabbed dinner.

Instead we all had dinner. Together.
Me and my Dad and my new friend.

When new friend (finally) left for a minute to go to the restroom, I of course burst into a "WHAT THE FUCK DAD WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" and all he had to say was "That guy is a joke and you know it."

I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–35
  • Located anywhere
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
You will introduce me to your extended social circle of liberal movers & shakers so that I can pick out the ring leader who will inevitably prove to be the narcissistic asshole that I'm programmed to find appealing. That would be fantastic.

... jk, that is not really how it is. Ok maybe a little bit, but definitely not on purpose. I am looking to reform.

Happy hunting