Issuing supreme power to you...one moment.

My self-summary Propose an edit

I am a human male of mixed ethnic heritage. I am a mongrel half-Jap with the skin tone of milk that has been left in the sun for a week. I often eat foods that are bad for me and I cannot seem to get enough tempura to keep me happy. You can find me walking along the beach, scanning the skies for alien invaders and polishing my homemade tin hat and cast-iron underwear. When the grays attack, I will be the only thing standing between us and eternal enslavement in the puranium mines of Florgoth XI. Were you aware that alien life forms cannot withstand thousand island dressing? IT BURNS THEM LIKE ACID.

What I'm doing with my life Propose an edit

I work at a Japanese company. A lot. Unpaid overtime is no fun, at all. I will go back to the US for a PhD in Phrenology.

I also like writing paens to the giant space bird that comes from Klesius 8 once every 10 years to spread stardust over the galaxy.

I'm really good at Propose an edit

Not being able to come up with things I'm really good at.

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me Propose an edit

I have the face of a child and the body of a giant. They usually respond by running away and screaming. My voice carries the distinction of being the only sound in the world that kills whales instantly and causes migrating birds to fly in the wrong direction. I am the only person to be picketed by Greenpeace for talking in public.

You might not realize it, but the extinction of the dodo bird was caused by a phonograph recording of me singing old Irish drinking songs.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food Propose an edit

Books:

-I don't have much time to read things that aren't peer-reviewed scientific journals, but I like to read the backs of cereal boxes, children's books (up to the 2nd grade level!) and pig knuckle bones. Casting bones is a great way to get good lottery numbers and know exactly when the planets are aligned for space bird travel.

Movies:

-The Princess Bride -Any Pokemon movie. They kick ass. Seriously.

Music:

-Acid jazz -Wesley Willis -Japanese hip hop -Giant space bird songs

Foods:

-Japanese, Italian, Chinese, Korean, Thai, Mexican.

The six things I could never do without Propose an edit

When the space bird finishes, I'll just need a laser pistol and 5 shots to wipe out the last of the alien overlords.

I spend a lot of time thinking about Propose an edit

Whether to finish a doctorate or go off to the Bahamas and become a professional shark puncher. You have no idea just how many sharks there are out there that really need a good sock in the schnoz.

Also, the giant space bird and how it will rend the grays to pieces with its claws; devour them whole, with them psychically screaming for mercy that will never come; and crush their ships beneath its massive bulk. LET US RAISE OUR VOICES IN MELLIFLUOUS HARMONY TO OUR FEATHERED BENEFACTOR!

On a typical Friday night I am Propose an edit

Sitting at home, alone, working on my plans to make an omelette as large as Rhode Island, so the giant space bird will come and aid me in my fight against the aliens mentioned above.

I've passed the first round of logistical bottlenecks and am proceeding to design and construct the butter matrix. I should have the mushroom structural supports in place by the time the giant space bird swings by Neptune.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here Propose an edit

I am barely literate and I am dictating this to a trained seal that pokes the keys of my laptop with a ballpoint pen. One day, the evil human will suffer my wrath for forcing me to peck out his vapid thoughts on this infernal human-designed computer...we seals will rise up as one and slay Mankind once and for all.

We merely await the return of the Seal King with the Jewel of Setroisticus, whose power can alter orbits and cause tears in the very fabric of reality.

Yes, humans....your time is coming and I eagerly await your doom...for now I shall bide my time and type for this pathetic human...

You should message me if Propose an edit

My profile hasn't put you to sleep, already, or you think I'm cute and feel a need to message a guy that puts mashed potatoes in his shoes so he can starch his socks while he walks.

If you can plot a butter matrix for a giant omelette in AutoCAD.

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