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30 M Pittsburgh, PA

My Details

Last Online
Today – 6:24am
3′ 0″ (0.91m)
Body Type
Used up
Mostly vegetarian
Catholicism, and very serious about it
Libra, and it matters a lot
Graduated from masters program
Relationship Status

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My self-summary
I'm not at all easy going. I'm strung up and surprisingly irritable. I dislike outdoor activities and prefer to sit inside disapproving of the neighborhood kids and their mirth. Rather than trying new activities, I prefer to keep on touching that lever in my cage that delivers painful electric shocks. My favorite cuisine is the flavorless thickened nutiritional drink that they serve old people in the hospital who have trouble swallowing. My favorite activities are scowling and cutting out cartoons of Cathy and the Shoebox greetings lady.
What I’m doing with my life
Everything the warning signs say not to do...Not to feed after midnight and not to expose to water. On occasion I'm known to stick it down an anthole in order to gather up those tasty ants.
I’m really good at
Absorbing potentially lethal amounts of coffee, cream, sugar and kicking-butt 80s music from the environment and converting them to relatively harmless byproducts of pee, inane pop culture references, and as much song and dance as it takes to keep the peace.
The first things people usually notice about me
The tracking bracelet on my ankle that the state forces me to wear.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Kiss My Math: Showing Pre-Algebra Who's Boss by Danica McKellar
Any movie that involves someone from the wrong side of the tracks who dreams of escaping the 'hood through their passion for dance, preferably involving an unlikely forbidden romance with an uptown boy/girl (this may actually be the only sincere thing in this whole profile)
Anything you would have beat someone up in high school for listening to/what you'd expect from a mopey tender Libra: Morrissey/The Smiths, Magnetic Fields, Belle and Sebastian, The Cure and miscellaneous new wave 80s music. I also added Yugoslav rock music to my repertoire, because that's pretty darn mopey too. "There are nights when I drink sorrow instead of wine"--God, I thought Morrissey was bad.
Anything you're not going to finish.
The six things I could never do without
The small bird with which I live in a symbiotic relationship that picks vegetable debris from my teeth
The box upon which is written "You cannot live without this box" which a wizened old stranger gave me on my 6th birthday.
A time machine with which to go back in time and stop myself from saying inane tripe like the aforementioned.
My spider sense.
My Neil Diamond lunchbox
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How maybe stars are salt on God's pretzel. And he's just waiting to eat us.
Also, has anyone seen this anti-smoking commercial of a lady who had a stroke and needed help bathing? I almost had an aneurysm at how outrageously offensive that smut is, stigmatizing as it does so many individuals with disabilities and cognitive disorders who require assistance with activities of daily living. So, yeah, I spend a lot of time thinking how social and cultural structures exploit the vulnerable, and how I must use every ounce of self-restraint to keep from ripping someone's head off if they make a smarmy comment about my brothers from a different mother with a disability, or different socioeconomic/racial/sexual orientation category.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Is that my ATM pin is 294929dfskfskfk!`. I got it from the financial institution of this homeless dude rifling through my garbage. I was attracted by his diversified portfolio of empty cans and hard liquor.
A la Harry Potter, I went to the book release party for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders 5. I dressed up as my favorite psychiatric disorder, schizophrenia spectrum with touches of borderline personality disorder, but no one realized it was a costume.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends
You should message me if
You understand that though I resemble a Keebler elf, I do not have any more rooms full of cookies than the average person and still want to be my friend.
You are the keymaster, gatekeeper, or can just put in a good word for me with Zuul, maybe give him my band's demo tape.
You're the six fingered man who killed my father.
You are the wind beneath my wings.
You should probably just not even message me, so I can stay at home and weep over whatever stirring crap Pope Francis just said.