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31 Pittsburgh, PA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–50
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
Online now!
3′ 0″ (0.91m)
Body Type
Used up
Strictly vegetarian
Catholicism, and very serious about it
Libra, and it matters a lot
Graduated from masters program
English, Croatian (Fluently), Serbian (Fluently), Russian (Okay), Spanish (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am not at all easy going, I am strung up and surprisingly irritable. Rather than participating in new activities, I prefer to sit in my cage and keep on hitting the button that delivers painful electric shocks. My favorite cuisine is the flavorless thickened liquid that they serve people in the hospital who have trouble swallowing. My weekend nights are spent writing online fan fiction based around the exploits of Angela Lansbury from Murder She Wrote and using my rock tumbler to um tumble rocks or whatever you do with one of those.

I'm looking to meet people and I'm over the bar scene. Well, technically, I'm not so much over it but have been banned from most establishments because they generally require patrons to wear a shirt and shoes, and my only garment is a soiled tablecloth in which I swaddle myself and even then I have to share that with my roommates on a rotating basis.

I am also looking for a way of combining my passions for disability rights, homeless issues, health care for vulnerable populations, cats, gardening and biking into a cohesive whole. It will make one gnarly rock opera.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Carebear staring. And doing everything the warning signs say not to do...Not to feed after midnight and not to expose to water. I also work on the accordion because Urkel is my soul animal.
Singing along to mopey Pulp and Smiths songs. Holla!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Absorbing potentially lethal amounts of coffee, cream, sugar and kicking-butt 80s music from the environment and converting them to relatively harmless byproducts of pee, inane pop culture and decidedly non-popular cultural references (Secret World of Alex Mack? Did anyone even watch that? Neither did I but I still manage to bring it up frequently), and as much song and dance as it takes to keep the peace.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The tracking bracelet on my ankle that the state forces me to wear.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Kiss My Math: Showing Pre-Algebra Who's Boss by Danica McKellar. I think in terms of genres: a heterogeneous mix of Eastern European literatures, the Spanish generation of '98 movement, nouvelle theologie and the ressourcement tradition, and I have to add instruction manuals because I've wasted so much flipping time trying to get this can opener to work.
Plus, I printed out the Pope's 184 page encyclical at work, so I'm working on that now. Sweet lord, I love it when a moral authority sticks it to my selfish destructive Western consumerist habits!
Good Burger.
Any movie that involves someone from the wrong side of the tracks who dreams of escaping the 'hood through their passion for dance, preferably involving an unlikely forbidden romance with an uptown boy/girl (this may actually be the only sincere thing in this whole profile)
The only song I listen to is that song about cookies from "Troop Beverly Hills."
Anything you're not going to finish. Honestly, most of my calories and vitamins come from Soylent, so i'm fairly ambivalent about real food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The small bird with which I live in a symbiotic relationship that picks vegetable debris from my teeth
The box upon which is written "You cannot live without this box" which a wizened old stranger gave me on my 6th birthday.
A time machine with which to go back in time and stop myself from saying inane tripe like the aforementioned.
My spider sense.
My Neil Diamond lunchbox
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How maybe stars are salt on God's pretzel. And he's just waiting to eat us.

Also, the popular TV show Scrubs. So quirky!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
In love.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that my ATM pin is 294929dfskfskfk!`. I got it from the financial institution of this homeless dude rifling through my garbage. I was attracted by his diversified portfolio of empty cans and hard liquor.

And on a real note, I never learned how to drive a car since like most folks I've never actually needed to use one. This apparently freaks people out here, so I'll throw that out.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You understand that though I resemble a Keebler elf, I do not have any more rooms full of cookies than the average person and still want to be my friend.
You are the keymaster, gatekeeper, or can just put in a good word for me with Zuul, maybe give him my band's demo tape.
You're the six fingered man who killed my father.
Honestly, just don't. The second I've served out my sentence I'm out of this gulag, and although I ostensibly play along with the mind games and delirious self-serving narratives it's just because already people from the civilized world are captivated by the fantastical real-life accounts of alien behaviors with which I furnish them.