Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am not at all easy going, I am strung up and surprisingly
irritable. Rather than participating in new activities, I prefer to
sit in my cage and keep on hitting the button that delivers painful
electric shocks. My favorite cuisine is the flavorless thickened
liquid that they serve people in the hospital who have trouble
swallowing. My weekend nights are spent writing online fan fiction
based around the exploits of Angela Lansbury from Murder She Wrote
and using my rock tumbler to um tumble rocks or whatever you do
with one of those.
I'm looking to meet people and I'm over the bar scene. Well,
technically, I'm not so much over it but have been banned from most
establishments because they generally require patrons to wear a
shirt and shoes, and my only garment is a soiled tablecloth in
which I swaddle myself and even then I have to share that with my
roommates on a rotating basis.
I am also looking for a way of combining my passions for disability
rights, homeless issues, health care for vulnerable populations,
cats, gardening and biking into a cohesive whole. It will make one
gnarly rock opera.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Carebear staring. And doing everything the warning signs say not to
do...Not to feed after midnight and not to expose to water. I also
work on the accordion because Urkel is my soul animal.
Career wise I live through a recurrent real-life high school-style
bad dream, in which authority figures are always asking me
challenging questions and as I reply I look down and realize I'm in
my pajamas and everyone is laughing. How embarrassing!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Absorbing potentially lethal amounts of coffee, cream, sugar and
kicking-butt 80s music from the environment and converting them to
relatively harmless byproducts of pee, inane pop culture and
decidedly non-popular cultural references (Secret World of Alex
Mack? Did anyone even watch that? Neither did I but I still manage
to bring it up frequently), and as much song and dance as it takes
to keep the peace.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The tracking bracelet on my ankle that the state forces me to wear.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Kiss My Math: Showing Pre-Algebra Who's Boss by Danica McKellar. I
think in terms of genres: a heterogeneous mix of Eastern European
literatures, the Spanish generation of '98 movement, nouvelle
theologie and the ressourcement tradition, and I have to add
instruction manuals because I've wasted so much flipping time
trying to get this can opener to work.
Any movie that involves someone from the wrong side of the tracks
who dreams of escaping the 'hood through their passion for dance,
preferably involving an unlikely forbidden romance with an uptown
boy/girl (this may actually be the only sincere thing in this whole
The only song I listen to is that song about cookies from "Troop
Anything you're not going to finish. Also, I'm too busy to prepare
meals so I have started transitioning to soylent, which as the
worst tagline in advertising history says is for people who don't
care that much about flavor or texture.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The small bird with which I live in a symbiotic relationship that
picks vegetable debris from my teeth
The box upon which is written "You cannot live without this box"
which a wizened old stranger gave me on my 6th birthday.
A time machine with which to go back in time and stop myself from
saying inane tripe like the aforementioned.
My spider sense.
My Neil Diamond lunchbox
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How maybe stars are salt on God's pretzel. And he's just waiting to
Also, the popular TV show Scrubs. So quirky!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Is that my ATM pin is 294929dfskfskfk!`. I got it from the
financial institution of this homeless dude rifling through my
garbage. I was attracted by his diversified portfolio of empty cans
and hard liquor.
And on a real note, I never learned how to drive a car since like
most folks I've never actually needed to use one. This apparently
freaks people out here, so I'll throw that out.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You understand that though I resemble a Keebler elf, I do not have
any more rooms full of cookies than the average person and still
want to be my friend.
You are the keymaster, gatekeeper, or can just put in a good word
for me with Zuul, maybe give him my band's demo tape.
You're the six fingered man who killed my father.
Honestly, you just shouldn't, at least if you're from the fifth
ring of hell that is Armpittsburgh.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.