Self summaries are weak sauce.

I am afraid of birds, storms, and E.T.
I love puppies, sushi, and adventures.
I hate red velvet cake.
I am extremely sarcastic and I make inappropriate jokes.

I'm an open book.

Currently I feel like I might be in a bit of a crisis. I left my corporate job to care for my ailing grandmother a few months ago. Then, she entered the nursing home, leaving me unemployed and kind of lost with what I really want to do.

However, I just made Indianapolis my permanent home in December, but I am originally from outside of Louisville, KY. I work in mental health, at Wishard. It is the only thing I feel like I know how to do and do well.

Being awesome.

And listening. And I can make some mean pork chops.

I can be SUPER outgoing and very straightforward. People notice how I never meet a stranger and how you never have to guess how I am feeling. I will always tell you what's on my mind.

People also, normally, notice my boobs. I know, they are big. If you are going to message me, just to talk about my boobs...don't bother. I don't take too kindly to that pervy shit.

Favorite Movies: The Breakfast Club, The Departed, Finding Nemo, Knocked Up...the list is infinite.

Favorite Book: Water for Elephants, Still Alice, The Time Traveler's Wife, Prozac Nation, Night Circus, Let Me In...I like books, a lot.

Favorite Show: New Girl, Parks and Recreation, The Office (before Steve Carrel left, now it is just sad), Inkmasters, Bad Girls Club (what, I like trainwrecks), American Horror Story, GIRLS, Supernatural...I think that's everything on my "favorites" list in my Hulu queue.

Nope, I just checked. The Mindy Project, America's Next Top Model, Go On, Dr. Drew's Rehab, and Duck Dynasty.

Favorite Music: Lana Del Rey, Marina and The Diamonds, Jay-Z, cover songs, Project X soundtrack, Postal Service's Give Up album...Music is about moods.

Favorite Food: Everything

My pups.
Sprite Zero. (Don't judge me.)
T-shirts.
The wisdom of my mom.
Toe nail clippers.
A good hug.

How people possibly thought Mittens was going to be the best candidate for this country? Why people are more concerned about the right to "bare arms" than the safety of our schools? And why the fuck they don't make girl scout cookies year round?

If you voted for Mittens, don't bother talking to me. I hate you and you obviously hate women. And if you own a gun, you are part of the problem and no where near the solution. So, there's that.

I am a homebody. So I am either watching a movie, having an intimate dinner with some friends or watching Dateline with my 81 year old Grandpa. He's the smartest and funniest guy I know.

I set my dresser on fire recently because I am new to scented oils and how they work.

If you are bearded.
If you are chubby.
If you can take a fucking joke.
If you don't mind that I cuss like a sailor.
If you can appreciate that I have some strong opinions.
If you are looking for the June to your Johnny.

DON'T MESSAGE ME:
If you don't get the June and Johnny reference.
If you have children. (I have really personal reasons for this, and if you are curious don't hesitate to ask.)
If you are an excessive drinker. If you have to ask me what I consider excessive you probably are an excessive drinker, so don't bother.

Handle me with care.