24 Whittier, NC
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Growing up, I always thought I was a Lisa, but I've realized I'm definitely more of a Millhouse.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm a former political organizer around issues of labor, reproductive health, and social and economic justice. I work at a group home for folks with mental health issues and pick up a couple shifts a week as a kitchen (b)/(w)itch now while being paralyzed with self-doubt, re: applying to MSW programs even though I'm perfectly qualified and prepared at this (late) juncture. I think I'm the sort of person who wishes they could be really good at a bunch of things, but really, my only major skills are empathizing and knowing how to talk real good. I used to say that I didn't think that discussing my work was a good way to clarify anything about myself and that hearing only about what people study or do for money is boring and reductive, but it's hard to avoid if you really throw yourself into something. With that as a disclaimer, what follows is a litany of gerunds that may or may not clarify anything pertinent about what I actually spend my time doing.

That is, writing, reading, learning, tending to a small but growing family of succulent bbs, making the most of suddenly living in the middle of fucking nowhere, eschewing the affectations that come with being learned in critical theory and the humanities in favor of being a Person in the World, probably killing my liver, experiencing catharsis through oral narrative (that is, crying to podcasts every day), leering at mid-century modern furniture on Craigslist, loving my dog forever, trying to pick and stick to a hobby because I've never really had one before, posting Mariah Carey videos on Facebook, and other things that are equally boring (????). I fall in love with almost every city I visit, especially when I surround myself with kind, interesting, engaged people, and that generally tends to happen.

**I think my politics are fairly self-evident by looking at me, but just in case they aren't, please understand that I'm heavily invested in justice and liberation for oppressed groups, that my feminism is not predicated on some milquetoast equality narrative, and that in saying this, I am not opening myself up to the responsibility of educating you at your convenience because that intellectual labor is neither cheap nor should it be given freely to any person who asks but refuses to do the difficult legwork themselves.
I’m really good at
cooking, baking, talking to strangers, being absolutely direct in my language, writing letters, making lists, reminiscing about meals I had literally years ago, staying absolutely still and absolutely nude in front of complete strangers while they draw me, singing to folks in the car, making mix CDs and thoughtful gifts, being clumsy and generally embarrassing myself constantly, memorizing random facts, losing one half of every set of earrings I own, breaking iPhones, being late to everything all the time (Saint Patricia, Our Lady of Perpetual Tardiness), not finishing my knitting projects, not finishing books, handy human things, and ball busting. Frankness, kindness, openness, cutting real deep and getting to the truth of things.
The first things people usually notice about me
It's rather exhausting to try to suppose anything at all about other people's intentions or perceptions and I'm no longer in a place where I want to pretend to know, but I'm certain I have a very firm handshake and that's probably enough.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
A bunch of lists that are too long because I can't make a choice to save my life:

Books: Middlesex, White Noise, Americanah, Delta of Venus, Breakfast of Champions, Fun Home, Blue Nights, The Year of Magical Thinking, The Easter Parade, The History of Sexuality: Volume One, Crush, Bastard Out of Carolina, In Watermelon Sugar, Antigone, Goethe's Faust, Woman, Native, Other, Being There, Strike Sparks, The Best American Erotic Poems: 1800s to the Present, The Zigzag Way, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, The Pleasures of Cooking for One, A Light in the Attic, 15 Views of Orlando. All things bell hooks, José Muñoz, Flannery O'Connor, Michael Cunningham, Gloria Anzaldúa, Adrienne Rich, Cixous. Currently reading The Master and Margarita (Mikhail Bulgakov) and Manual of Woody Plants (Phil Cordelli). Issues of Bitch Planet as well. I choose which to read based on where I am, what kind of mood I'm in, and what I'm doing otherwise. This system nearly guarantees that I never finish anything, but occasionally, I beat the odds. Frankly, I try to be fair-minded, but I'm quite skeptical of all men who only list books written by male writers in their favorites. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Movies: Kicking and Screaming (1995), Adaptation, Enter the Void, Wizards, Blue Velvet, Duck Soup, Eastern Promises, Don't Look Now, Deconstructing Harry, Love and Death, Fellini's Amarcord, Hiroshima mon amour, Double Indemnity, You're Next, Before Sunrise/Sunset/Midnight, Weekend (2011), Rosemary's Baby, Rashomon, The Naked Kiss, Spice World, the Evil Dead trilogy, Fargo, Last Tango in Paris, Coffee and Cigarettes, Arsenic and Old Lace, It Happened One Night, The Graduate, Mulholland Drive, Bringing Up Baby, Taxi Driver, Cinema Paradiso, Manhattan Murder Mystery, Funny Girl, Harold and Maude, A Very Long Engagement, Suspiria, North by Northwest, Vertigo, Notorious, Rear Window, An American in Paris, Roman Holiday, Barry Lyndon, Full Metal Jacket, Do the Right Thing, Being John Malkovich, The Omen, Reality Bites, You've Got Mail, Leaving Las Vegas, Goodfellas, The Departed, Clue, The Cat Returns, We Need to Talk About Kevin, The Bodyguard, Boogie Nights, The Last Days of Disco, The Goonies, Wayne's World, Frances Ha, Shut Up and Play the Hits, Singles, Beetlejuice, Addams Family Values, Heathers, Serial Mom, Dogfight, Mystic Pizza, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion, A Fish Called Wanda, Blue is the Warmest Color, Obvious Child, Wetlands, Nymphomaniac, Flawless, A Late Quartet, Particle Fever, Inside Llewyn Davis, High Society, The Last Waltz, Wild Combination: A Portrait of Arthur Russell, Gerhard Richter Painting, Short Cuts, The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover.

TV: Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Orange is the New Black, The League, Lost, Bored to Death, True Detective, Game of Thrones, Felicity, Freaks and Geeks, The Golden Girls, Parks and Rec, Twin Peaks, Big Love, Veep, Bob's Burgers, House of Cards, The X-Files, Laverne & Shirley, True Detective, Masters of Sex, etc. etc. Whatever, fuck it, I only care about Malcolm in the Middle, tbh.

Music: Arthur Russell, Nina Simone, John Cale, The Modern Lovers, Robyn Hitchcock, Judee Sill, Julia Holter, Julianna Barwick, ABBA, Sparks, Low, Songs: Ohia, Antony & the Johnsons, Galaxie 500, Angel Olsen, Grace Jones, Sinéad O'Connor, Billy Bragg, Belle and Sebastian, Carissa's Wierd, Built to Spill, Simon & Garfunkel, Archers of Loaf, The Weakerthans, Pedro the Lion, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Kath Bloom, Mount Eerie, Elliott Smith, The Microphones, M. Ward, Mirah, Joni Mitchell, Tammy Wynette, Michael Hurley, The Band, Vashti Bunyan, Elvis Costello, Sparklehorse, KMD, Hüsker Dü, Pavement, Stereolab, The Replacements, Neil Young, Neko Case, My Bloody Valentine, Slowdive, Pulp, Lush, Slint, Codeine, Can, Beat Happening, Joanna Newsom, Television, Love, Son Lux, The Spinanes, Talulah Gosh, The Slits, The Raincoats, Sam Cooke, Funkadelic, PJ Harvey, Björk, Marissa Nadler, Jawbreaker, Cap'n Jazz, Rainer Maria, Prince, Portishead, The Promise Ring, De La Soul, Black Sheep, Guided by Voices, Kurt Vile, The Clean, Yo La Tengo, Asobi Seksu, Devendra Banhart, Cat Power, Julie Doiron, The B-52s, Blondie, The Magnetic Fields, Martha Wainwright, Leonard Cohen, J. Mascis, Pile, Sebadoh, Waxahatchee, Mount Moriah, Grimes, FKA twigs, Mazzy Star, Dolly Parton, Chet Baker, Chelsea Wolfe, Swans, Grass Widow, True Widow, Pharmakon, Grouper, Smog, Karen Dalton, Mary Lou Lord, Harold Budd, Brian Eno, Cocteau Twins, Townes Van Zandt, Lampchop, Gram Parsons, Warren Zevon, Gillian Welch, Destroyer, Patsy Cline, Drop Nineteens, The Breeders, Erykah Badu, Aphex Twin, David Lang, Savages, How to Dress Well, Joanna Gruesome, Twin Shadow, Dusty Springfield, Bronski Beat, Erasure, Pet Shop Boys, Sky Ferreira, Deafheaven, Kim Jung Mi, Blood Orange, Heavenly, Laurel Halo, Holly Herndon, Perfume Genius, Linda Perhacs, Boards of Canada, Nils Frahm, Peter Broderick, Sylvain Chauveau, Steve Reich, Laurie Anderson, Marianne Faithfull, Scott Walker, Mark Kozelek, Sharon Van Etten, Nat Baldwin, Mulatu Astatke, Emmylou Harris, Dionne Warwick, Jenny Hval, Lizzy Mercier Descloux, Larkin Grimm, Lucrecia Dalt, Fuck, Perfect Pussy, Hildur Gudnadottir, Little Annie, Woods, Kevin Morby, The Babies, Buffy Sainte-Marie, The Thermals, Sonic Youth, Parquet Courts, Courtney Barnett, Mitski, Ibeyi, Xenia Rubinos, Vince Staples, The Wipers, The Only Ones, Jamaican Queens, Besnard Lakes, Scout Niblett, Speedy Ortiz, Dean Blunt, La Luz, Chastity Belt, etc. etc. this list could go on forever, it already has.

Podcasts: Mystery Show, Lore, Criminal, Reply All, StartUp, Note to Self, Crybabies, BBC Radio 4's Soul Music, The Read, Death Sex & Money, Strangers, The Memory Palace, You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes, Plz Advise with Molly McAleer, Call Your Girlfriend, The Allusionist, Serial, Dear Sugar, Song Exploder, All Songs Considered, Intersections with Jamil Smith, et al. I went from being "not a podcast person" to being subscribed to over a hundred podcasts (and counting!) in the span of a couple months because I'm hella obsessive when I hit a stride.

Food: Fuck, this always trips me up. Oysters every way, hot wings, lamb, pho, all of the cruciferous vegetables, Sonoran hot dogs, tamales, raw lasagna, Maille dijon, panang curry, collard greens, corned beef sandwiches, Eastern NC barbecue, chirashi, Capricho de Cabra, things in brine, smoked things, tarragon, lox, Black Russian bagels, rye bread, Indian buffet food forever and always, beets, avocados, chia pudding, lentils, dark chocolate. I'm stupid obsessed with the wild mushroom omelet at Sunny Point. I swear I tell every person I meet about it, as though they care. I had one great experience with a bacon-wrapped goat cheese stuffed jalapeño and one terrible one where I ended up with my mouth under the faucet in my kitchen feeling as though I'd been betrayed by a lover. I'm not the same.
The six things I could never do without
My asceticism increases week to week. I'm not sure I have six things anymore.

- Reliable Internet access.
- Coffee: Hot, strong, black. This is not an innuendo.
- A good book to stave off vestigial social anxiety.
- Mementos of my dead grandmother, the maudlin soul I am.
- Coconut oil for everything else.

Consumption and more consumption. Oh well, okay.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Institutional -isms, micro-aggressions, funeral arrangements, what I'm having for dinner, things I want to make, why my tastes make me seem like a junior at Evergreen State in the late 90s, the nature of cognition, the formation of (the) self, how to effectively support folks with disabilities without speaking FOR or assuming need, the potentiality of radical community-building in rural areas and what it would look like, capitalism and the white supremacist heteropatriarchy, how much I wish a lounge singer would romance me with Roy Orbison covers, and other things that make no sense.

"It takes guts to be gentle and kind."
On a typical Friday night I am
Sleeping on a shitty bed in my office at work, probably missing my dog and watching The Newsroom or some such nonsense. Saturday afternoons are my Friday nights and then, the world is my oyster. I don't like platitudes, but I do love oysters.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've been told I suffer from "paralysis by analysis," so take that as you will. I wish I could make all of this a long photo essay to explain to you how I really feel. Most of this doesn't mean anything. Most everything ((here)) is a joke I tell myself, showing, not telling, with a curious dearth in adjectives ascribed.
You should message me if
You're Jonathan Richman, c. 1980. Guess that's a long shot, huh? Alright, weirdos on here always ask me what I'm looking for and the honest answer is that I have no idea, but I'll know when I find it. A hiking companion would be nice to start. I'm new in town and I work long, strange hours, so finding pals has been a real struggle. Queer femmes especially, get at me!!!