I am busy. I am tired. I am awesome.

I also like making this emoticon: 8====D

If this website were featured in a movie, they would artfully change the name to crazy-raper-guy.com.

My friends call me a lovable asshole...which means I am a sweetheart, who will tell you if your breath smells like goat cheese. I'm a smart ass, but also a smart girl..so I believe it translates into me being one witty sonofabitch. I can be offensive, and it's usually by accident. I am quick to apologize, and my jazz hands make it easy to forgive.

If you are not into naps, or at least supportive of the cause, we will not get along, because I will want to be asleep more than you can handle. In all honesty, though, as of late, I have not had much time for napping, so it's quite a treasure when I get to take one. I take sleep very seriously.

I am not afraid to sit at a bar alone and make conversation with the 'regular' sweating out his vodka in the corner. I am very afraid, on the other hand, to become that sweaty regular. So I talk to people, I meet people, I make fun of people, I make fun of myself. I high five people. Because nothing screams 'crazy lady spreading diseases and germs' like high fiving strangers when they do something awesome.

I am brutally honest, I often have no filter, and I will more often than not embarrass you with something I say. I prefer to be around those who thrive on telling the truth, refuse to use bullshit as their mask, and know how to use sarcasm without breaking hearts. I don't put up with lies and laziness of character. I don't have time for it, I'd rather be asleep.

I am half Mexican, so unfortunately (or fortunately) I see this as an opening to make jokes about myself. I need to let loose on my days off, which sometimes involves whiskey, and sometimes involves falling asleep on the porch completely sober. I openly talk about sex, but this does not mean I want a picture of your pixelated wang on my cellphone. I live in the most amazing apartment in the history of space and time with my cat, my stethoscope, and piles of textbooks. Sexy, I know. On an unrelated note, BONER.

I am a hospice nurse for an amazing organization. Those who are going through the process of dying are the most amazing beings on this earth. They have lived, loved, and laughed more than I can ever comprehend, and showcase a genuine need for people like me to help them take their steps into their next life. I feel blessed that I am able to give them an ear, a hand, a shoulder...whatever they need.

Many don't understand when I say that death can be a very positive thing. Dying is just another part of life, and when you have support, you pass in peace.

I deal with death on a daily basis. It breaks my heart and makes me stronger every day.

I'm in school for my BSN and Holistic Health Practitioner degrees. But After 6 years of nothing but homework, I decided to take a break and focus on work.

Naps, naps, and also naps.

Hi fives, taking down shots of Jameson and glasses of Ovaltine like they were meant to be inside of my belly, magnifying, holding your hand, being curious, loving you despite it all, making boner jokes, being crass, hating on geese, making comments in public that will embarrass the shit out of you, finding hot outfits at thrift stores, acing tests with droopy eyes and sleep lines across my face, crackin' wise, cooking delicious suppers, making the serious bizness face, having compassion, even when I don't want to and when you are being a dick, ripping my clothes on people, places, and things, beating you at Scrabble, cross stitching the word 'fuck', warping to level 8, pretending not to hear you, inserting an IV like a whisper on a cloud (meaning it only hurts marginally so), making fun of people who say 'a whisper on a cloud'.

Dang, check out all these things I'm good at.

I think everything is funny. It's the only way to live.

Jazz hands. Usually when exiting the bathroom.

Noxema commercial skin quality.

My frequent use of the word 'boner'.

My extremely gentle soul despite how often I talk about wieners.

The fact that one of my friends is buried in my cleavage giving me a motorboat. Whether I like it or not.

Books: anatomy textbooks, White Oleander, Marley and Me, The Tenth Circle, Dirty, cookbooks, My Sister's Keeper, Ask a Mexican, The Onion, the social animal, the bean trees, Eroto Mania, whatever trashy novel tickles my fancy and helps pass the time in the sun.

Movies: Strange Brew, THX1138, brick, the interview, Tim & Eric awesome show great job on repeat in my dvd player, Logan's Run, Garden State, Requiem for a Dream, The Notebook, Chumscrubber, I Love You Man, Big Fish, Office Space, Batteries Not Included, The Iron Giant, Brave Little Toaster, Spirited Away, Flight of The Navigator, Wizard, Gleaming the Cube, Goonies, Weird Science, MST3K, Breakin', Seven Pounds, Donnie Darko, Anchorman, Singles, My Neighbor Totoro, Wristcutters, 3'oclock High, the last unicorn, The Royal Tenenbaums, The Lost Boys, Wet Hot American Summer

Music: Alexisonfire, The Bird and The Bee, E-40, Primus, Biz Markie, Aesop Rock, Waylon Jennings, Bjork, Damien Rice, edIT, City and Colour,saosin, destroy the runner, major lazer, attack the fire, emery, tom petty, mariachi el bronx, Animal Collective, Seba, Company Flow, Anathallo, Sunchase, nofx, Giraffes? Giraffes!, Minus the Bear, King Fantastic, Holy Fuck, We Versus the Shark, k.flay, The Bangles, Mirepoix, Raymond Roker, Goldie, Ming+FS, dark heavy hard bass lines, asking abby, timbaland, the jealous sound, the bing bong bros, The Grouch, strung out, smoke or fire, the knife, Prong, No Use For A Name, She and Him, Queen, David Bowie, Trees, Qualm, Native Daughters, Mr. Bungle, Ghosts of Glaciers, The Bronx, QOTSA, Lion Sized, Mute Math, Snake Rattle Rattle Snake, etc....

Food: Homemade macaroni and cheese, gelato of any kind. Fruits and vegetables that can be shoved through my juicer to make delicious slime. I do not care if my food is organic or not because...you know what our grandparents called organic food? Food.

Sleep. Sex. Love. Laughs. Long walks. Humility.

My father, rest his soul. Hoping that I am providing good patient care. Being the next Florence Nightingale. The usual.

What I deserve in comparison to what I'm getting.

What's next.

Who I am bound to become.

dinosaur femurs.

Absolutely exhausted, and out at a dirty old bar getting rowdy with the people I love.

There is also a very large chance that I am fully decked out for a night on the town and passed out face down on my bed at 8pm. (By decked out I mean I put on clothes and shoes.)

Bundled up walking down cold dark streets humming tunes.

Pretty much anything that makes me happy...whether it be sleep or whiskey. Or whiskey naps.

I will despise the fact that you write me a message consisting of maybe 3 words, like "hey what's up?", but then be a complete hypocrite and respond to your long thoughtful message with maybe 3 words, one to two of them probably being BONER.

I absolutely HATE it (but also understand) when I tell people what I do for a living, and they say..."oh, that must be so hard!"

This is what goes on in my head always:
www.2boners1blog.tumblr.com

This is what I do to relieve my stress:
www.chelseawesome.etsy.com

Taking pictures of stupid shit on hipstergram @chelseawesome

You think maybe we'd be awesome friends.

You like running start high fives.

You drink Jameson.

You can raise one eyebrow.

Your baggage can fit in a carry-on.

You generally tend to give a shit.

You are fabulous at spelling words correctly.

You exit stage left, pursued by bears.

You make awkward silences happen on purpose.

You understand and appreciate the hugeness of dinosaur femurs.

You won't try to pee on the jellyfish on my back.