I'm a musician and rock documentarian. I am also a magnet for
misadventures in food service. Most of these appear to have taken
place at Friendly's. No snickering please. You have an immune
system, don't you?
Speaking of lymphocytes, my uncle is so germ-conscious, he once
squeezed Handi Wipes on his chicken at KFC. But that was only
because he thought they were lemon juice. Fair enough -- he's not
from around here.
What I’m doing with my life
Sold out to my partner in a successful tech/finance recruiting firm
to make a documentary debunking a 100 year-old technical mystery in
guitar playing. Foolhardy? Perhaps. But if I had independently
discovered the calculus, I would be no less certain of my
greatness. So I remain bumptiously undeterred.
I’m really good at
If completely unspooled, my cerebral cortex would stretch further
than every Elvis album ever sold, laid end to end. (However, my
corpus callosum would only reach to Newark and back.) But it's not
length. It's not girth. It's surface area, baby!
Also, I have an exhaustive collection of power tools, and will
inadvisably attempt to build anything from wood. For obvious
reasons, I pulled up 247 boards in my floor and managed to fit them
all back down again with the help of some graph paper I printed off
the internet and a giant rubber mallet that looks like something
you'd use to annihilate your cartoon enemies.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I like to measure projects in albums. Two coats of primer? I can
get that done in Rumors. Rewire the whole studio? OK
that's gonna be a Songs in the Key of Life-sized
What can we do in 17 Seconds? Disprove the title, that's
The six things I could never do without
E, A, D, G, B, E
I spend a lot of time thinking about
that one time I used Comic Sans. But I was on the rebound from
Helvetica, and so vulnerable.
On a typical Friday night I am
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I don't spoon on the first date. And I certainly never fork. Once
in a while, though, I take a little napkin.
You should message me if
I'm looking for someone who is high in trans fats because they are
incredibly awesome. I would also prefer you hail from San
Francisco, because of its streetcars and trademark savory rice
dish. If not this, I would be willing to settle for any small town
on the Manitoba border where kids light old tires on fire for fun,
because you'd probably think I'm like Ricardo Montalban or
something, and be very impressed with me.
I'd also like someone who compares favorably to mustard, since it
is far and away the most multifarious condiment in the store.
Btw if you are the night manager of a Lucky Charms factory, or a
shift supervisor at the Manhattan Special Espresso Soda plant, my
lawyer will be forwarding the prenup shortly.
All right, all right, fine! I only do "earnest" once or twice
daily, at terce and vespers, but I'll do it for you now:
Smart, funny, creative, and good-lookin'. These are the four
pillars of the Tuscan villa we will build together. A little bit of
design/fashion, a dash of science. Rosie the Riveter meets Rosie
the Reveler. You get the pitcher.