technically bisexual, but i like girls better at this point in my life ... therefore i am NOT looking for men right now and I got so sick of guys messaging me that i put finally put gay. hopefully they'll take the hint. NO MEN DAMMIT!!! when this changes i'll let you know.

BTW this site is run by fucking retards

working on my pet conspiracy theory about secret transsexual nuns in the Vatican (c'mon, you know it's crossed your mind too)

saying outrageously offensive things to total strangers, which scares off the oversensitive crybabies and amuses the cool ones

that i'm on fire and running down the street ... no wait, that wasn't me, that was richard pryor.

what i meant to say was "my totally hot bod." sorry, freudian slip.

Instead of listing all my favorite books/movies/shows/music/food
(a long-ass list) here's a fun new idea ... these are my favorite QUOTES from my favorite books/movies/shows/music/food.

BOOK QUOTE (I narrowed it down to two) ...

"It's the kind of curiosity that makes a snake look into a bird's nest." -- Jack Crawford describing Hannibal Lecter, from Silence of the Lambs

"I am not what I am." -- Iago, from Shakespeare's Othello

MOVIE QUOTE ...

"Hey ... eat my fuck!" -- the punk rock girl from Boys Next Door

SHOW QUOTE ...

"Oh my God do you know what this means? It means I'm gay!!!"
-- Michael Kelso, responding to Fes's dirty dream about him, on That 70s Show

MUSIC QUOTE ...

"I'm just a nymphomaniac ... perverted, but divine"
-- Lords of Acid, from Slip n Slide

FOOD QUOTE ...

"Eat Me" -- the birthday cake parade float from Animal House

(okay, I had to go way back for that one ... but you gotta give me props for coming up with a quote from food, right?)

hot showers
doc martens in oxblood red
dildoes
baby oil
motorcycles
paybacks

what if that dumb skank Gwen Stefani is right, and "the shit" actually is bananas?

Update : I've concluded that the shit cannot be bananas. Think about it ... (1) monkeys love bananas and don't want to share them ... (2) monkeys also love to throw shit at people ... (3) if the shit was in fact bananas, the monkeys would never throw it.

lighting God's farts with the devil's zippo

or knitting

I masturbate to Animal Planet.

Nah, just kidding. I really only masturbate to midget clown porn.
A pie smashing into a naked girl's butt just totally turns me on.

you don't have more crab-lice than I.Q. points (equal or fewer crab lice is okay)

OR ...

if you find the following link amusing : http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=swag