Hello!

How are you? I am fine. Let's get to it, shall we?

I'm kind of a hippie. When I say that I'm not trying to make smoking weed sound cool (I don't), but to explain some of my quirks. Not that smoking things is unacceptable, I just don't want to give the wrong impression. You probably shouldn't contact me hoping to do drugs. I fall sadly short in that aspect of being.

I make my own laundry detergent, and have given it away as gifts. I knit, I crochet, I pick up crafts like some people pick up STDs. I try not to pick up STDs. I took the ASVAB in high school and it told me my ideal profession was "farmer". I don't know about that, but I do like to fantasize about being self-sufficient.

I've always been an animal person. My grandparents had a farm when I was growing up, and I spent a good part of my childhood there. I lack any fear of animals, healthy or unhealthy. I like keeping pets; I have a dog and two cats. Birds are pretty cool, I feed the ones in my yard.

I make up words. I don't do it because I find myself oh-so-clever (though I admit it may have started out that way. Shameful, I know), so much as I've gotten in the habit and am a pretty lazy person. I enjoy not having to look words up in a thesaurus when I could pull one from thin air. How do you think words are made, anyway? It's through the laziness of people like me. People like me and Shakespeare. You're welcome.

I like to treat others nicely, in hopes that they'll do the same for me. I also hope it brings me fancy karma. At the least, if they treat me badly, I can take pleasure in being the bigger man. I do love being the bigger man.

I went to catholic school until I was thirteen. I tell most people that it "didn't take". I'm teetering on the brink of atheism. I put more faith in Occam's razor than in an all-powerful supernatural being who created everything for its amusement.

I'll probably talk about the patriarchy if we talk for more than a little while. Don't find it 'cute'. That's a ticket to angry-town.

I like crafting. Crafts. I enjoy crafting crafts.

A little less than a year ago, I built a computer. (NightClubDwight is a godsend of a coach.) Using my self-built computer, I download things like lectures and audio books. I listen to these on my refurbished mp3 player while I take long walks around town. I know what you're thinking: "A nerd AND a cheapskate. Excellent."

I'm quite independent.

I am hard to surprise, but really easy to thrill. Kids love me. I have a natural ability with animals. I think the only Capt'n worth crunching is peanut butter.

Largely trying not to worry about things this question expects me to worry about.

Thinking about something for a few minutes and then passing off the conclusion I come to as fact.

Making kids laugh.

Letting dogs know who's boss.

Laughing and smiling and forgetting stuff.

Making a wide variety of facial expressions for photographs.

Editors

• NightclubDwight

If I were you and you were me, the first things I'd notice about me are that I am quite short and that I am smiling. Also that I tend to put people off with my biting remarks and over-familiarity.

(a) Books and Authors: E. B. White, Stephen King, Roald Dahl, Helen Fielding, Anna Maxted, Adam Davies, Christopher Moore, Bill Bryson, Terry Pratchett, Philip Pullman, Tom Robbins, and Michael Perry, along with several I haven't even heard of yet.

(b) Movies: I've watched a lot of movies. I liked a fair number of them, but even among those I hated, I could count the number of them I've turned off midway through on one hand. I'm too curious to see what happens next.

I especially like movies like City of Lost Children, Little Miss Sunshine, Amelié, Quills, Shaun of the Dead, 50 First Dates, and Spanglish.

(c)I love Simon and Garfunkel, Ben Folds, Toadies, Lily Allen, Soul Coughing, Sublime, Tom Petty, Brandi Carlile, The Avett Brothers, Johnny Cash, Neil Diamond, Chris Thile, and most everything that doesn't fit into that little box as well. I like good music.

If I am drunk and you stick your money into the jukebox, I will glare at you from across the bar.

(d)The commercials that state loudly, "Now made with 100% natural ingredients!" make me nauseated. They make me think of everything I ate before commercials started saying that.

In that same vein, I've become a little insufferable in my dietary choices lately. (See my 'Ask Me About My Dietary Choices!' pin.)

I avoid dairy, and I've stopped eating pigs, chickens, and cows altogether. This makes me some sort of convoluted vegan, and I'm happy with that. I don't see anything wrong with eating the eggs of free-range, vegetarian-fed hens. Someone will probably strike me down for that eventually.

humor, compassion, my pets, somebody handy who knows how to do stuff, affection, nature, and some other thing I'm adding just to be defiant.

I also really enjoy having an internet connection.

Like most of you, I think a lot.

When something piques my interest, I'll spend most of my time thinking about that something for a while until I feel I've figured it out. Then it gets filed away.

Sometimes I'm in, sometimes I'm out. Sometimes I'm shaking it all about.

Sometimes I'm drinking a box of wine and updating my OkCupid profile. The world is a vast place, and I'm a mysterious person.

I have a crush on Dwight.

...