To those who take interest in the Myers-Briggs test, I scored INFJ. Enjoy.

First things first: I am not cool. I'm basically a walking awkward bomb, primed to explode at any second. My life has played out like a series of vignettes comprised of stock footage and self-consciously hip narration, with a confusing wraparound plot compounded by non-linear editing and unforeseeable twists. I surrendered my Typical Male card long ago, opting instead for a lifetime supply of stand-up comedy fodder. I have zero interest in cars and even less interest in sports, but I will spend hours poring through old postcards and other assorted ephemera. I also possess the most morbid sense of humor ever, so if you're of too delicate a temperament, we might not be a good match. But it's worth a shot.

Wikipedia claims that I'm "a blissed-out bonfire of passion and wit who will make your favorite dinner and then stay to do the dishes." [citation needed]

I'm not where I thought I'd be ten years ago, but I'm getting there. En route to self-actualization, I dabble in cooking and writing music. Other pursuits include urban spelunking and submitting articles to various online publications, with the completion of a screenplay providing an ongoing incentive. If all else fails, I'll steal to the wilds and become a cryptozoologist.

Solving complex differential equations. Not really.

I'm often mistaken for being of another ethnicity. (e.g., Jewish, Italian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern)

I've been getting back into fiction lately after years of estrangement, and am finding all sorts of beautiful avenues to explore. When it comes to food, I do my best to eat healthy, and I'll try anything at least once. I am an omnivore, but I also love animals. My record collection takes up an inordinate amount of space in my apartment, and my taste in film is wide-ranging: I would feel just as much at home soaking up Roman Polanski and Todd Solondz at the most abstruse art house theater imaginable as I would rocking out to John Waters and George Romero at the grimiest underground fleapit.

p.s. I feel totally out of place in bars and clubs, but I'm a lifelong devotee of café and diner culture.

And as crucial as shared interests are in forging a lasting bond, it has been proven to me time and again that personal tastes are a misleading gauge of character. Nevertheless:

¡Selected favorites! (in which the tragically earnest hipsterism becomes glaringly apparent)

Books:

Kenneth Anger - Hollywood Babylon
Michael Azerrad - Our Band Could Be Your Life
Clive Barker - Books of Blood
Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary
Peter Biskind - Easy Riders, Raging Bulls
Roald Dahl - Matilda
Katherine Dunn - Geek Love
Harlan Ellison - Strange Wine
Jeffrey Eugenides - The Virgin Suicides
Mark Oliver Everett - Things the Grandchildren Should Know
Jan T. Gregor - Circus of the Scars
Mark Haddon - The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
Norton Juster - The Phantom Tollbooth
Andreas Killen - 1973 Nervous Breakdown
Stephen King - Different Seasons
Simon Reynolds - Rip It Up and Start Again
Mary Roach - Stiff
Alex Ross - The Rest Is Noise
Karen Russell - St. Lucy's Home for Girls Raised by Wolves
Dan Savage - Skipping Towards Gomorrah
David J. Skal - The Monster Show
Patrick Süskind - Perfume
Studs Terkel - Working
Adrian Tomine - Summer Blonde
Elizabeth Wurtzel - Prozac Nation

Movies:

Adaptation
Bad Santa
The Brother from Another Planet
The Changeling
Creepshow
The Dead Zone
Do the Right Thing
Fargo
Freaks
Happiness
Hausu
A History of Violence
Hope and Glory
Koyaanisqatsi
Lady in White
L.I.E.
M
Metropolis
My Life as a Dog
The Night of the Hunter
Night on Earth
Nosferatu
Parenthood
Persona
Rear Window
Rejected
Repo Man
Rosemary's Baby
Seven Samurai
Sherlock, Jr.
Stroszek
Taxi Driver
The Third Man
The Tin Drum

Music:

Apollo Sunshine - Shall Noise Upon
Arcade Fire - Funeral
Rich Aucoin - We're All Dying to Live
Basehead - Play With Toys
Beastie Boys - Paul's Boutique
Beat Happening - Black Candy
The Beatles - Abbey Road
Björk - Post
The Black Heart Procession - 2
Captain Beefheart and His Magic Band - Safe as Milk
Dead Kennedys - Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables
DJ Shadow - Endtroducing...
Doves - Lost Souls
Eels - Electro-shock Blues
The Flaming Lips - The Soft Bulletin
Lisa Germano - Geek the Girl
Godspeed You Black Emperor! - F#A#∞
P J Harvey - To Bring You My Love
Billie Holiday - 16 Most Requested Songs
Daniel Johnston - Hi, How Are You
Mazzy Star - So Tonight that I Might See
Van Morrison - Astral Weeks
Willie Nelson - Stardust
Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Nirvana - Nevermind
Yoko Ono - Plastic Ono Band
Portishead - S/T
Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet
Radiohead - OK Computer
Maurice Ravel - Daphnis et Chloé
Sigur Rós - Agætis Byrjun
Simon & Garfunkel - Bookends
Slowdive - Souvlaki
Sonic Youth - Evol
Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells a Story
Talk Talk - Laughing Stock
Television - Marquee Moon
Tiger Trap - Sour Grass
Timbuk 3 - Greetings from Timbuk 3
Tricky - Maxinquaye
The Vaselines - The Way of the Vaselines

TV:

The Adventures of Pete & Pete
Arrested Development
Breaking Bad
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Chappelle's Show
Connections
The Critic
Daria
Desperate Housewives
Eerie, Indiana
Frasier
Freaks and Geeks
Futurama
Ghostwriter
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Louie
Malcolm in the Middle
My So-Called Life
The Office (American)
Seinfeld
Sesame Street
The Simpsons (Seasons 1-8)
Tales from the Crypt
Teletubbies
The Tick (animated)
The Twilight Zone
Unsolved Mysteries
The X-Files
Yo Gabba Gabba!

¡Name-dropping! (in which the damage is compounded)

Diane Arbus, Henry Darger, Francesca Woodman, Diamanda Galás, Robert Aickman, Jan Švankmajer, Winsor McCay, the Brothers Quay, Stan Brakhage, David Cronenberg, Gustav Doré, Virgil Finlay, Harvey Milk, Russ Feingold, Jeff Smith, Dennis Kucinich, Joan Bray.

Fresh fruit, sugarless gum, aluminum foil, stringed instruments, incomplete lists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-9l7K7LftQ

A solitary man with a messy apartment which may or may not contain a chicken.

I am an open book. CliffsNotes available upon request.

You have any information regarding the whereabouts of my sense of shame. Also, if you kinda sorta fit the following criteria:

I want someone who is passionate, considerate, independent, witty, and at least somewhat informed about pop culture and politics. Someone to accompany me on adventures in the middle of nowhere. A confidant and a partner in crime.