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24 Irvine, CA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 20–45
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 8:32pm
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
A little extra
Mostly anything
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Japanese (Poorly), Russian (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
LA RESIDENTS: I recognize that I live outside of LA. As connections are hard to find, I am fine with this if you are, but please realize it before we start talking, you sillies.

Someone once told me I was her anti-hero.

I call people "bro" unironically. I follow UFC and like hockey games; I suspect I may just be a fan of violence and gore. I don't like automatic headlights; I think they're presumptuous. I'll decide when I want my lights on, car.

I have been described as both having a "fuck you" sense of humor and being a "fuck you" pragmatist. Mostly I think this is a neat coincidence, especially given that they happened years apart.

I like meat and leather. I don't mind if you don't, but don't impose your morality on me.

I have questionable morals.

I'm not looking for a ~*~*partner in crime*~*~. I'm looking for the other half of a badass, vain, luxurious powercouple (who can also be goofy and clever and kawaii as all hell).
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
"Why am I not surprised that the devil on my shoulder has red hair?"
"I'd probably be a way better person if we'd never met."
-- Testimonies given on the same day by two separate people

I am an ~*administrative assistant*~ at a clinical trial site in Orange.

I do Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Though I am trying to lose weight (down 30 pounds \o/), learning how to throw down is for reals fun as fuck and I'm excited to have found exercise that is its own reward so I don't have to, like, pretend that I enjoy running or some shit. I grapple five days a week and I feel damn good about it.

I also do, in fact, even lift, albeit I am a noob so don't go askin' me how much I squat or anything ;_;.

I like to take pictures that look exactly the same, then post them like they're different.

You know what I'm not doing? Having fun. I hate having fun, I hate to laugh, and I'm not at all down-to-earth.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
• "You have this way of enthusiastically telling people they suck in a congratulatory tone."
• Delivering cutting jokes with a disarming smile so that you're all confused because I said something mean but said it so damn cutely.
• Being easily spotted from afar/in a crowd due to hair brightness.
• Noun-creatin'.
• Irish goodbyes (minus any drunk driving, obvs).
• Karaoke with ever-important conviction.
• Considering phrasing semantics aloud.
• Casual and/or facetious hostility. (I have had this phrased as "banterous faux-contempt.")
• Eating the heels of bread. Once I made peace with this, I realized it meant I could have the pieces other people didn't want. More bread for me, suckers.

What I'm really bad at is whistling or snapping, because I can't do either.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My features are blatant: curly hair, freckles, and a normal-sized Jewnose.

On multiple occasions, I have been described as "a redheaded valkyrie" so probably the descending upon the battlefield to select which slain warriors to bring to Odin in Valhalla so that we may drink mead and prepare for Ragnarök.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Power-related books, like The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of War, and The Prince. Also The Karl Lagerfeld Diet, because his quotes are so deliciously pompous.

300, The Fifth Element, and Thank You For Smoking. Full Metal Jacket because it is definitely worth being quoted as much as it is. Mostly, I like movies about badassery.

Music: Hip-hop/electronic mashups. Also kinds of rock and other kinds of electronic music. Lots of songs make me really happy and while it's awesome if our tastes mesh, I don't mind if they don't. If you really care, though, there's this:

Oh, I guess I never filled out what shows or food I like. My eyes always end up glazing over this section in other people's profiles. This probably ends up being the least interesting part of any given profile. Lots of people list the same shows but have wildly different senses of humor. I like Community, Futurama, Game of Thrones, Archer, Bob's Burgers, The League, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, My Little Pony, and House of Cards (most notably particular scenes between Frank and Zoe, *ahem* ((Please note this was written after the first season. Pls no S2 F/Z action))).

I also read webcomics: SMBC, xkcd, Questionable Content, Sinfest, and Diesel Sweeties. I used to read a looooot more >_>.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The Internet, pretty things, hyphens, wit, swearing, and brow arches.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Something that struck me is the phrase, "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land amongst the stars." No you fucking won't. Do people realize how far away shit is in space? If you shoot for the moon and miss, you will land in a huge area of nothing, and you will fucking die in that area of nothing.

I am NOT thinking about how to survive a zombie apocalypse. You are not quirky for mentioning zombies. You are boring and uninspiredly bandwagoning.

How weird and awful it is that movie-quoting is accepted by so many people in place of actually being funny.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
At jiu jitsu, then lifting weights to reach swolemaiden status. But after that...

- Taking pictures of the leg/hip bruises I've acquired during the week from grappling because their absurdity has not stopped being novel to me yet.

- On the internet. This used to also probably include playing some video game but I took a break for a while and there is not one currently capturing my interest.

- Playing FFXIV.

- Netflix with housemates.

- At a lesbian club. Useful for my housemates, and I get to dance and not give a fuck.

- At some other bar with housemates, watching people try to score with each other and laughing at dudes who are clearly begrudgingly dancing only because the girl they're trying to bone wants to.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I harbor a secret dream of getting fit enough to cosplay Lara Croft or Leela some day.

I've been accused of being tsundere before. It could be true. For as abrasive as my sense of humor can be, I want to like someone so much that I want to be kind to them. I love cutesy mushy shit.

Also, I hate hiking. But I have friends who hike, so it's totally okay, babe.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You fit some (but not necessarily all! Don't worry!) of these:

You don't define yourself by where you moved to OC/LA from.

You enjoy mouthy Jewesses.

You have a delightful turn-of-phrase, and maybe a vaguely twisted sense of "delightful."

You did wrestling in high school and/or do BJJ/MMA now.

Appreciation of darker-styled ladies is a plus. Gothy qtness ok~.

You find neurotic, stream-of-consciousness-type ramblings endearing.

I'm LGBTQ-friendly. I also have many poly and kinky friends. I am not poly. Also, if you're of the dom[inant] variety, that would be quite acceptable. Pretty necessary, even. If you are poly, I would consider casually dating, but there is no longer-term potential. I am monogamous with relationships.

You're the type of pony everypony should know.

A woman calling herself a feminist doesn't make you run away crying about misandry.

I don't want to "just find a nice guy who would rather stay in and play Scrabble with me than go out." Scrabble is the new cliché. I fucking hate Scrabble.