I guess I’ve wanted to make an honest dating profile for some time. It’s hard to do so and forgo all the negativity and bitterness I’ve seen in my web-trawlings over the years. But you have to start somewhere and there’s at least a little shittiness everywhere. Also, I’m on an errand for a pretty specific sort of woman. I acknowledge the fundamental uniqueness of individuals, but that appears mostly the work of nature; the individuals in question seem to devote a lot of time to becoming like one another. I love meeting the odd autonomous soul. She need not be eccentric or dress whimsically. (No doubt most of those who fancy themselves part of a counter-culture, for instance, have in truth written away for easily-acquired, formulaic kits on how to be and belong.) Nope, it’s a measure of sheer candlepower in the eyes, which pound at you, betraying the original work churning away behind them. Such a person can be implacable and contrarian, but she does not bore.
If you just want to play and you’re pleasant enough, I suppose something can be worked out—I don’t want to seem difficult. And shit, I would like more affection, even fleeting. But if I’m going to devote creativity and worry and my general attention to someone for any ostensible future, it’s going to have to be with someone who says things I haven’t heard. It would be good if she has been through some suffering in life. I don't wish suffering on anyone, but those who haven't had any are hard for me to relate to. Is that dismal? I don't really think so. Most important, she’ll actually be interested in love as its own reward and not merely a vessel for child-rearing or a means of growing up.
(As for those matters, I spend a ton of time with my friends’ children and find them hard to resist. I’d love to spawn my own sometime, but I’d probably want to be the at-home person. Or one of them. I will not likely be the dad with the Croakies and phone holster, eagerly generating office solutions or whatnot. So let's go slowly convert a big ol' rural/industrial structure, have a farm and gardens and work out of it. If you’re on a tight schedule in terms of biology, I’m totally empathetic to that, but I’d like to tend (at least in part) to the domestic clangor, which I’m pretty good with. Career women, especially those who think a parent in the home is a desirable asset: we should talk.)
Is all of this decidedly unsexy? Yes. But I hope it’ll be helpful and entertaining. That is what online dating is about--unless you truly and effectively rely on a consistent intake of strangers for human contact--it’s about hope as entertainment, about managing our pessimism at the abbreviated little nubs of our atrophied reward centers. I promise I'm fun. I was thinking of putting a sign on my apartment door that would read, "YOU MUST BE AS FUN AS THIS SIGN TO ENTER." That goes for you too.