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spaceinthewhole

26 M Portland, OR

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–50
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My Details

Last Online
Today – 12:50pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly vegetarian
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, and it’s fun to think about
Education
Graduated from university
Job
Other
Income
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I try to avoid being labeled and labelling others; Life is too fluid to expect gallivanting in only one particular way. In the same vein, self concepts are rarely comprehensive or inclusive of all possibile experiences. If I define my identity, I define my limits. Limits suck, therefore I do not define myself. My sense of self is expansive and mood-dependent. The only labels I would feel comfortable attributing to myself are anarcho-pacifist, human, and philosopher. I love to be and talk about them. For more dubious appellations, I identify as an INFJ and a 4w5.

I was the youngest child out of four. My father was a Traditionalist Catholic and my mother a quasi-New Age liberal. The only glue that held them together was the fear of their own incompetence. They were entirely different people, excepting a heavy dose of defiance and a dedication to charity. Violence, both physical and emotional, was a mainstay between every pairing, no matter the age difference. My family was poor, but educated. Most of my earliest memories are of my father taking me to his classes at KU, then going to the Crossing for a beer and to perve on coeds. My branch of the family tree never got along with the other branches, or society in general really. It was a Bohemian and frictive environment for a conscientious and sensitive child to be born into. It framed the majority of my life thus far as an outsider with an inferiority complex. This wasn't helped by external circumstances. I was the new poor kid at the parochial school I was transferred to by my parents. I was the new white kid when we moved to inner city KCK. I was perceived as a constant aberration. Then I was "homeschooled." Which is code for "left entirely alone for four years, except for food, shelter, and a computer." I used this time to indulge in every kind of pirated media, debate, and video games. I had zero real interaction with other human beings as I fell into an entirely nocturnal life. I was told I was an adult at fourteen and had to schedule my own doctor's appointments, my GED examination at seventeen, and ACT at eighteen. I went to college and discovered that I had entered an entirely different life stream than my peers and elders. The rest of my life has been a project to build a bridge between the two.

This isn't coming from a place of bitterness or regret. It's coming from a place of being understood. I am eccentric in ways that many people have no frame of reference to understand. I like who I am and where I am in life, but for people to understand where I'm going with it, I need to be up front with my history. This is really only the tip of the iceberg, but I think it's enough to give an idea of it. If you're interested in more details, feel free to drop me a line.

Currently riding around the country on a bicycle, witnessing America in all its gritty lenses.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
My life goal is to achieve enthusiastic consent by everything, for everything. Having seen in person the suffering generated by passive consent or a quietude of the soul for the sake of known discomfort rather than unknown travails, I need enthusiastic consent in my life. I want it more than anything else.

I've found enthusiastic consent in my living arrangement, which happens to be a housing co-operative.

I'm attempting to discover a healthy medium between work and being. It appears reducing my participation in the monetary economy and use of fossil fuels is a requirement for living well. Currently bicycle touring and it's amazing how little is required to actually survive comfortably.

I spend my free time helping people better understand themselves and their anguishes, as well as developing new systems that prevent their anguishes from re-arising, for them and for others. As well as tinkering with DIY projects (e.g. futzing around with bikes, making camping gear, tracking down Fresnel lenses for solar powered EVERYTHING). Basically, really awesome bricolage.

I'm haunted by the idea that our global society is spinning, not simply out of control, but out of existence. It's hard for me to consider investing in a paradigm that I have absolute certainty will destroy itself within my lifetime. I'm trying to localize my actions and consumption because that is where I have actual influence.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
It is difficult for me to see what I'm good at. I enter into flow states or hyperfocus easily with a lot of different hobbies, so I don't really encode into my longterm memory when those states occur. I also set extremely high standards for myself, so I might be good, but never good enough. From others though, I've been told I'm a great public speaker, a decent classical guitarist, an eloquent writer, a good cook, a valued confidant, conflict mediator, conversational partner, and ping-pong player.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My impeccable sense of taste and 19th centuryesque beard? No idea.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
There are a lot of books that I've read and absolutely adored. Each one changes me and facilitates growth for me as a person. In general, my favorite genres are Big History and wisdom literature. I've read more from those genres than I can count. I'll read fiction (and in my past, have read copious amounts of it), but it takes compelling recommendations for me now to voluntarily put myself into an unreal world. I tend to fall into them completely, which is kind of disorienting. The one exception to that is Shakespeare which, despite being fiction, contains a greater deal of truth than most non-fiction works.

Due to the period of my life spent with a computer, I've seen more television and movies than I would ever like to admit. I don't actively go out of my way to watch either anymore, though. To get a feel for my tastes, though, here are films that I actively recommend to people: Groundhog Day, the Lion King, Kenneth Branagh's Hamlet, Good Will Hunting, The Fountain, The Last Temptation of Christ, The Godfather, Visioneers, Apocalypto, and Network. I love me some Bergman.

Music wise, if I'm alone, I really enjoy listening to indie folk and folk in general. I don't know if it's the understated passion or the groundedness of it, but I have intense emotional reactions to it. If I'm out and about and want something to sing along to, I'm more inclined to listen to stuff like the Talking Heads, the Beach Boys, or an assemblage of "bad" 80's music (e.g. Journey, Boston, the Outfield). If I were breaking windows of multinational corporations, I'd love to be listening to RATM or Dvorak.

Buckwheat, beans, eggs, potatoes, avocados, oats, and kale provide the backbone of my ideal diet. Experiments with seitan have led me to some awesome veggie culinary delights. Cuisine wise, I lean towards Indian, Ethiopian, and Mexican.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
As I said earlier, enthusiastic consent is a huge component of my life. I need to thrive and know others are thriving, not merely surviving.

Radical, unrelenting honesty is something that I can't get enough of. I can't read minds, so it's only when I know people are being honest with me that I know when they say they enthusiastically consent, I know they aren't just humoring me. It may sound masochistic, but brutal, true criticism is something I treasure. Stumbling into weaknesses is not something I enjoy.

If I don't have human interaction and physical contact regularly, I tend to become self-recriminating and depressed. I love to be social and do things with others, but I have an intense dislike for socializing without a collective purpose.

Nature is another big one. Being surrounded by something completely outside the designs of human beings relieves a lot of stress for me. There is solace in knowing that not everything is in our control.

I have a lot of energy that needs to be expressed on a daily basis, so when I can engage in physical activity, I do so. I like to commute on bicycle when I can. Going on bike rides out to Clinton Lake to swim is a great way to spend a summer afternoon.

I love dreaming and unconscious examination in general. Discovering who I am, outside of consciousness, is a necessary ritual of purification for me. I don't like to carry around unattended-to baggage.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I like to improve things that I'm working with, so I often spend time thinking about systems and how they could be optimized. If I'm in a sour mood, I become introspective and think about esoteric philosophy and how to escape the mood. In general, though, I try to stay present to the moment. I try to think only when I'm problem solving.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Usually drinking with my housemates, playing board games, ping-pong, or guitar. Or just hanging out and talking. Camping a lot. Maybe cycling somewhere cool.

Also urban foraging. Wink wink nudge nudge.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Yeah, so I was living with two girls and three other guys around 2002. These guys were all best friends from childhood. One of the guys, let's call him Dave, would use the commons computer all the time that he wasn't at work. Neither he nor I had another computer, so basically any time I got to use it was when he was working or asleep. Now, Dave was not the most technically literate fellow, so he never deleted his history, his cookies, or any of that sort of stuff, so I constantly had to logout of his shit. This guy was nuts for email though. he had email accounts from every site that would let him; guy didn't even care if that stuff was in French, he'd find a way to get an account. I was pretty sure he was schizophrenic. He wore a red beret everywhere, would rant about the necessity of crusades against Islam, and would randomly walk around the house naked.

So anyway, Dave had been "together" with Sophie, one of the girls in the house for a long time, basically as long as I can remember. So one day Dave gets off the computer to go to work in a hurry and I get on. I see that he once again left his email open. I start to close it when i catch an email to Dave from one of his friends. I normally try to just close it, but the subject line was "had a fun time last nite, never tried anal :)"

Now Sophie and I were never really close but this really bothered me since she and Dave had been serious for quite a while. I decide to screw with him by using one of those Internet filters before Adblock that allowed you to replace images with whitespace and redirect URLs to other sites. I decide to redirect that particular email account to an image that said "Big Brother is watching you cheat." He confronts me, me being the most technically savvy person in the house, and he tells me jovially to remove the block. I told him to stop cheating on Sophie. he starts joking around, about how it doesn't matter because they have an open relationship.

Now while I wasn't close to Sophie except as a fixture of our group, I knew enough about her to know she was totally monogamous, so I tell him that I don't buy the open relationship business and if he wouldn't stop, I was going to tell Sophie about it. This is where I find out that he's both a schizophrenic and a sociopath. All the kidding around drops and he just gives me the most demonic look I have ever experienced in my life. Now Dave is quite a bit bigger than me. I mean he was at least twice my size. So I had the coldest, meanest mean mugging look on a guy who could absolute destroy me without blinking an eye and then he says that if I told Sophie, the group would break up, and he'd all make damn sure it was my fault to them.

So I ask people on-line what I should do; some said "it's none of your business" and others said "fuck him, tell her." I went with the latter group and told Sophie. she confronts him, he denies it, she goes ballistic when she knows I wouldn't lie about this kind of stuff. She decides to leave him there and then, and the group drops him immediately. we've all told him to leave the house, but he decides that since he is on the lease, he can stick around. We realize we can't do anything about it, so he does, with everyone ignoring his existence for the remainder of the lease, which was like four months. after that, he leaves, and everyone forgets his existence.

A few months later we hear that he bolted and eloped to Canada (so he could live under a king!) with his new wife.

The kicker, though?

Dave was my dad and I was 14
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you are a female human. This is more complicated than you might think. To me, this means you have a disregard towards gender roles as anything valuable, have an orientation towards absorbing large amounts of information in and about your natural territory, have a large brain capable of manipulating the environment around you (and understanding the relationships that comprise your social reality), and have forethought and detachment in plenitude to restrain and inform your long-term decision-making in a manner that is harmonious with your conceptualized past and future. In short, being human.

In general, I try to be friendly and open with people, but there are a couple of caveats: I'll definitely respond if messaged first, but I probably won't initiate contact. Secondly, I'm generally erratic in responding in a timely manner. I'll get back to you, but there might be a temporamental delay.

I'd like to meet more people in person, as outdoor activities are best when enjoyed with others.

Also if you habitually read ribbonfarm, Ran Prieur, the Archdruid Report, or Less Wrong, but this is just for awesome discussions about insight porn.