I'm Uebert. My big sister calls me Bertie or Birdie. She likes birds. I like them too. She is very important to me. I live with her.

I don't have very many friends. My sister will be moving in with her fiancé in a few months so I need to find someone similar to her to move in with. She is tall, about 6'1". Has pretty hair, green eyes, a great voice, and she is really smart. Her name is Mary. I like the name Mary. She knows a lot about birds. She is an ornithologist. Her favorite bird is the Tauraco erythrolophus. Mine is the Corvus corax. It is an intelligent bird.

I don't have very many hobbies. I usually just work, watch TV, and stare out my window into the neighbor's yard.

During the day I sell ice cream from my van.

watching without being seen, wearing a ski mask, unlocking things, cutting letters out of magazines, making my voice unrecognizable over the phone, carrying heavy objects, tying knots, cleaning, self-defense, running, sneaking, waking up at 4 am screaming in terror, being born with six fingers on each of my hands, and cooking a spinach casserole

people don't notice me

Books: The Nightwalker, Cujo, The Shining, Dracula, Sharp Objects, In Cold Blood, The Stranger, A Time to Kill, Sense and Sensibility

Films: Blonde Cobra, Cannibal Holocaust, Eraserhead, Monster, Antichrist, Battle Royale, Buried

TV Shows: Archer, Wilfred, Once Upon a Time, Psych, Walking Dead, South Park, Castle, and the Daily Show

Music: Dixie Chicks. Natalie Maines sounds like my sister.

Food: eggs and carrots

duct tape
my sister
hand sanitizer
lip balm
birds
socks (my feet get cold pretty easily)

birds and how to make money

Sorry, can't tell you.

I have a glass eye but my sister says no one can tell.

you're like my sister

...but actually...if you immediately realized this profile was a joke