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spamchowder

44 Portland, OR Man

Man

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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 37–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Aug 22
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Leo, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Graduated from university
Status
Single
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Oh, I'm fantastic. I'm sarcastic, usually late, and kind of an ass. If you ignore this warning, though, you may find me to be fairly tolerable if you enjoy that kind of thing. I'm clever enough to keep up with most conversations, and polite enough to take turns when speaking. I have a streak of nerd in me - zombie movies and fantasy novels fill me with glee. Hearing my karaoke rendition of "99 Red Balloons" is like unto looking upon the face of God. I do crosswords in pen, often with mixed results. I curse like a sailor - specifically, a sailor who likes the word "fuck" a lot. I'm happy spending an evening just lounging around watching a movie at home, or going out and about until the break of dawn. I'm not afraid to admit when I'm wrong, and I won't rub it in when you do the same. I'm a ray of sunshine. I usually know when to shut up and listen. I might bake cookies for you. I'm a good tipper. Dogs like me, as do some people.

I am bipedal, literate, and 100% awesome
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Oh, you know. Being awesome. Lemme see...I'm trying to figure out a way to profit from being clever. Still working on that one. I do a lot of tentative fiction writing, usually followed by a lot of deleting, which probably isn't getting me any closer to getting anything published. In the evenings and/or weekends, I spend a fair amount of time with friends, to varying degrees of nerdery. Being pretty happy, generally.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Turning the world on with my smile. Also, taking a nothing day and suddenly making it all seem worthwhile.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My ability to plagiarize "Mary Tyle Moore". Also, my friendly sarcasm, sense of humor, sparkling green eyes, easy smile, blah blah blah.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Should these really all be grouped into one big category? I have my doubts about this organization, I'm sorry to say. I'll reserve judgement, though, and just slog through this part as best I can. I'm such a trooper.

I lean toward fantasy fiction in my reading. No, not THAT kind of fantasy (usually). I mean the kind with hobbits and dwarves and dragons and big damn swords and stuff like that. Yeah, I'm kind of a nerd. I also like Chuck Palahniuk, David Sedaris, and the Brothers Grimm. I'm bonkers for H.P. Lovecraft. No John Gresham, though.

I like movies that don't suck. Not generally a fan of romantic comedies or big lush period pieces. I like the Coen brothers (although I admit to being befuddled by "No Country For Old Men"). I loved "There Will Be Blood". Dig the original Star Wars trilogy, along with good (or really bad) sci-fi and fantasy movies. "Donnie Darko" is great. "The Iron Giant" makes me cry. "Clockwork Orange" is creepily delicious. Although I wouldn't want to see it again, I thought "Bum Fights" was worth seeing, but not for the reason the filmmakers had in mind.

At work today, I Spotified (Is that a verb? Maybe?) Jonathon Coulton, a bluegrass/Appalachia playlist, Ol' Dirty Bastard, Red Fang, High On Fire, Whiskeytown, and Sturgill Simpson. Oh, and also Betty Boo's "Doin' The Do", because that song is goddamn MAGIC.

I don't like pineapple on pizza. That's disgusting.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Six things? Really? That's a lot of things to say I could never live without. I mean, I like a lot of things, but couldn't live without them? That's dramatic. I assume they don't want smartass answers here like "oxygen, gravity, water, hyuk hyuk hyuk", so I'll just compromise with six things that are really damn handy or I'm quite fond of.
1) Trimet pass
2) My laptop
3) Music
4) Friends-n-family
5) Ye olde bicycle
6) This texting/Words With Friends machine
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Gosh, so many things...time for another list, I see!

1) (I had a wisecrack about Dane Cook in this slot originally, but I just now edited it out because that shit was getting pretty dated.)
1a) Did I really just use "wisecrack"?
1b) Yes, I did. Jesus, it's like my grandpa is writing this profile for me.
1c) Wow, I'm really milking this "wisecrack" bit.
2) Would I rather live on Cake Island or Pie Island?
3) Would I rather be stung to death by bees or pecked to death by birds?
4) I really need to start going to the gym again.
5) The friends and family I left behind when I left Kentucky
6) Volcanoes
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Sometimes I'm playing nerdy games because I'm a big damn nerd. Sometimes I'm at home listening to music and reading. Sometimes I'm trying to learn how to play the banjo. Sometimes I'm out socializing like a fancy-ass 1920's society swell. Sometimes I'm trying to make myself sound appealing on a dating site. Sometimes I'm doing something else entirely.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Sometimes I'm a human/bear hybrid Viking warrior:
http://twitter.com/OlafCentaurBear
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
My answers didn't make you roll your eyes in dismay. You don't mind a bit of nerdery and a bit of sarcasm. You think zombie movies are pretty great. You want to go out for karaoke sometime. You chuckled at some of my answers. You were impressed by my beast-taming singing skills as seen in one of my profile pictures. You're also pushing 100% awesome.