Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Me: Sexily admits when I'm wrong. Enjoys cooking. Gainfully
employed, healthy, good credit, safe driver. Have asked a cop to
pull my finger at a traffic stop (not doing that again). Loves
animals but has boundaries in that relationship (i.e. I will not
drive your dog to the airport early on Saturday morning).
You: Enjoys having someone cook for them. Confident in your looks
and sense of humor, whatever they are. If one of my socially inept
programmer friends asks if you're pregnant, you are able to hold a
straight face and pressure them into planning a baby shower, where
you get drunk. Eventually get comfortable enough in a relationship
that you ask me to pull your finger. Has time in their schedule to
I like scuba diving and hope to get out more in the coming year. My
other hobbies involve nature and animals. I generally get up
earlier on the weekend than weekdays.
I also really enjoy cooking, I'm constantly inviting friends over
because cooking and doing the dishes for yourself alone is just
anticlimactic. Kindly be someone who enjoys being cooked for,
picnics apply as well. I've also been told I give exceptional
back-rubs, kind of the whole package really.
Finally, kids. I know nothing about them except that you let them
win at stuff and don't give them fake ID. It's absolutely fine if
you have them and I wouldn't rule them out in the future, but I'm
going to need some training.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Have you ever asked this to someone in graduate school? You can
pretty much get out of anything. Slap them with a dead fish.
"Why did you do that? "
"Oh, I just wanted you attention so you could tell me more about
your thesis project."
"Oh, well I'm happy to explain....."
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Having that dream where you accidentally signed up for a class and
never showed up but the final is tomorrow and you haven't even
looked at the material.
Ignoring cats right the hell back.
Reminding teachers they forgot to assign homework, my friend's
dates that it's trampy to put out too soon, and bartenders that
they really should have had last call by now.
Coming up with online dating strategies. That thing where guys send
out 600 messages a night that just say "Hey sexy"? My idea.
Not taking selfies in the bathroom shirtless so you can see my abs.
I promise, they're magnificent.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably my ability to tell that others need parenting advice
without forcing them to go through the embarrassment of asking me.
Possibly my bravery in saying "that's what she said" in any
situation including meeting your grandmother, giving a euology, or
The last thing people notice about me though? That I possess the
stealth of a ninja when I sneak away from their PowerPoint
presentation of vacation pictures, never to bother talking to them
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Bikini Kill, Franz Ferdinand (the band, not the Austrian noble),
Veruca Salt, Heart and L7 among others. Apparently I kind of have a
90's Riot Grrl band habit. At least it isn't a 90's boy band
Movies, I like them. Even bad ones. Especially hitting the indie
theater. Please suggest one.
Books, I read a lot. My couch has an ass grove from me reading in
the evening, and my dog has a whole body groove right next to it. I
enjoy like getting into a series, mostly fiction at home.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
A cold beer after a long walk on a hot day. A good slice of pizza
when you've been busy all day and realize you're starving. Getting
a back scratch without having to ask. Little projects that can be
finished in a single evening when all other plans fall through.
Being able to own and operate an electric guitar without having to
be any good at playing it. My firm belief in the absence of all
evidence that I would have made an awesome old west gunslinger.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Cosmologists have come down fairly conclusively on the side of a
universe with a limited amount of matter, so why is Olive Garden
still trying to get us with "unlimited bread sticks"?
Do racist families have the one weird uncle who goes on at
Thanksgiving about how Obama is clearly American?
How happy were barn owls when someone built the first barn?
Wasn't the world more fun when we just made stuff up to sound like
we knew what we were talking about instead of having Google on our
If Mary Kay Letourneau hooked up with Benjamin Button, would that
Do I decline when the grocery bagger offers to help me to my car
because I'm a strong, virile man or because I think it'd be
embarrassing to listen to a pimply faced teenager sigh and roll
their eyes while I search for my car?
Can I fly Virgin airlines even though I've done sex? Because I
have. I've totally done it really well.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Helping OJ find the real killer.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
One of my hobbies is racing homing pigeons. That isn't a joke, I
really have that much nerd in me. It's a hobby of old
ultra-conservative white guys and Romanian immigrants, don't ask me
why, but the things that come out of their mouths are completely
foreign to my thinking and therefore attention getting. I am also
able to dork along to other people's dark secret hobbies as long as
interesting things happen.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You like animals and pets. You prefer big fat lazy time on a
Saturday afternoon to quality every few weeks. You like small
adventures as well as big ones. You have no problem with the fact
that nothing bad actually happens if all the silverware gets dumped
into a drawer from the dishwasher instead of being carefully
Or if you're a superhero. That would be fucking awesome. You don't
have to tell me.
Who are you looking for?
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