Let's start with some basics qualifiers, shall we? I'm poly, kinky, and pansexual. Attempts to convert me will get you smacked. I've been asked what people have tried to convert me to. Like, say, the metric system? No, silly. That would be lovely. The metric system is so straight forward! It's the attempts to mold me into something that fits into pretty little predefined boxes that will end in some type of violence. Let's not start off that way. We just met, after all.

I am part of a very happy and ridiculously busy poly household. If you have questions about that, feel free to ask. If it takes me a bit to get back to you, see the above note that says "ridiculously busy." We function at an extremely high level of communication and honesty. It's how I'm used to interacting. People who don't often get odd stares from me, as if they have suddenly sprouted a second head or have turned a brilliant color of chartreuse. I don't mean to be rude, I just get confused. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It really is pretty straight forward.

I am creative, logical, and intense. It's the intense part that tends to trip people up. My emotional range is extreme, but is coated in this thick sheen of rationality. I am obnoxiously self aware. Ask me how I am when you actually have time for the answer, not as a pleasantry. Most of the time, I tend not to share things about myself until asked, but will share fairly openly once invited to. Occasionally, I overshare in a major way and then have to watch the expressions of amusement or horror on the other person's face. At least you can learn a lot about a person that way.

I am the mother of an amazing and challenging child who takes up a great deal of my time and attention.

I love things that are beautiful. My definition of beauty is far reaching and fluid. It probably won't match yours. I'm really okay with that.

I have a Master's Degree in Forensic Psychology. For reasons beyond my understanding, this somehow makes me a more interesting human being. People tend to want to ask me all kinds of questions about this so, yeah, go ahead. I know, you can't help it. It's really okay.

I have been known to play Portal and Portal II. I own my very own near life size companion cube. No, you can't have it, it's mine. I'm currently playing GW2. I've played D&D and Shadowrun on and off for years, and have just started playing in a World of Darkness game. I write in an online rpg that I love and will go on at length about, but only if you ask. I own multiple sets of dice in pretty, sparkly colors. I am told these things make me a gamer girl. Call me what you like. I don't actually have a high value for labels.

I have piercings, an extensive amount of visible tattoos, and tend to dye my naturally red hair fiery colors. If that's not your style, no worries, but I'm probably not your girl.

Honest communication is essential for me. I do not respond well to being lied to, I don't play games with people's minds or emotions, and I have little patience for people who present themselves as something they are not. Actually, I am generally an impatient person when it comes to things that annoy me.

I raise my son, which is both an enlightening and unending challenge. I write. I am the heart of my family. We all have our role to play, ensuring everyone's mental and emotional well being is mine. And when I get around to that whole work thing, I'm a relationship coach who specializes in alternative lifestyles and teach classes on effective communication. If you have no idea what that means or are curious, go right ahead and ask.

Standing in the middle of the storm and emerging with just a few minor bloody scratches. Comes with the territory of attracting violently passionate personalities.

I have started asking people this question after they meet me. I will add to this list as I get more. So far, I have received the following responses:
*my piercings
*my hair (I was told tonight it was "epic." Other adjectives include bright and captivating.)
*my hat
*my smile
*my breasts. (this one is sort of unavoidable... you really can't ignore them.)

Books: Anything by Neil Gaiman, Tom Robbins, Christopher Rice, Vonnegut, or Ray Bradbury. Edgar Allen Poe is a long time favorite, as is Shakespeare, the sonnets as well as the plays. My undergrad is in Acting, I can't help myself. I love the worlds created by Jacqueline Carey and Anne Bishop. Laurell K. Hamilton if I'm in the mood for good smut. I have a deep love for certain graphic novels, Sandman, Transmet, Johnny, Lenore, The Crow, V for Vendetta, the list goes on, but you sort of get the picture of what I like.

Movies: Run Lola Run, Go, Boondock Saints, American Beauty, Firefly, Snatch, anything with Angelina Jolie in it (even the bad ones), Magnolia. I quote Tank Girl a lot, this can be super confusing if you have never seen the movie. Cloud Atlas broke my heart. Deep Blue Sea and Barbarella are tied for the best drinking game movies (root for the sharks, you'll see), The House of Sand and Fog and Requiem for a Dream are tied for the most depressing movies ever made, and Salo and The Cove are tied for movies I can't watch without feeling physically ill (so not my kink). I can watch intense horror and gore no problem, but I can't watch anything with creepy dead children. Damn you, Japan!

Food: Since this seems like a deal breaker for a lot of people, I do eat meat. I was a vegetarian for ten years, but started eating meat again when I was pregnant. Both my husband and my battle wife are vegetarians and as she does most of the cooking, we eat a lot of vegetarian food. But I do eat meat and I like eating meat. If that's an issue, better to put it out there now.

-Love. I know what it is to lose it. Death is a bitch. I don't want to walk those roads again, not anytime soon.

-The water. Ocean, lake, overflowing river, a koi pond, doesn't matter. Water helps me think.

-Things that sparkle. I have frequently been accused of magpie-ism.

-My family. Some blood, mostly chosen.

-Physical connection. I won't say sex as everyone has such a varied definition of what exactly qualifies as sex. But connection. That I need.

-Honesty. Tell me. I can take it.

twelve things at once. My mind moves extremely quickly, which is an asset considering both men I am in involved with have ADD. I have a success rate of following along of about 80%, which is damn impressive considering my boyfriend really will stop in the middle of a sentence because he was distracted by a cute furry woodland creature. It's amazing how many of those there are cruising around Seattle randomly.

Recently I have been spending more Fridays out and about, at dinner, at a club, at a bar, but I'm just as happy to hang out at home with my quad or with my kid reading Lord of the Rings. Depends on the Friday.

This should likely be better titled: Things that will likely throw you off about me.

I don't talk on the phone to people other than my clients. IM, texting, email, OKC mail, all viable. I have yet to be contacted by carrier pigeon or telegraph, but bonus points to whoever does it first. I once had someone threaten skywriting, but this being Seattle, that's fairly impractical. You get lost on the way over, I will pick up the phone to give you directions. Other than that, phone calls are limited to work or occasions when someone is dead, bleeding, or on fire. Not intentionally, of course. You don't need to call me to tell me about your friend's fire show, send me a pic instead :)

For some reason, people tend to take it very personally that I do not want to talk on the phone with them. It's not you, it's me. Really.

I also don't wear pants. I don't know why this confuses people, but it does. I dress exclusively in skirts and dresses. I even have polar fleece pj skirts. Yes, really. If you ever meet me, I will be wearing a dress or a skirt. Yes, I do always dress like this regardless of the activity. No, I really don't expect you to change clothes so you are somehow equally as dressed up as me. I should really get some pics of me romping around in the snow in a full length skirt or shooting my shotgun in a corset to drive this home. Again, no idea why people think this is strange, but they do. So there you go.

Oh, and one last thing. I'm not on Facebook. This has shattered some people's concept of existence in the past. Best to put it out there now.

If something I've said strikes a chord with you.

If we know each other, or you think we know each other, or I look oddly familiar but you just can't place me. (This happens. A lot.)

If you think we would get along in some fabulous way.

If you're wondering what the hell a relationship coach does exactly.

If you have the irresistible urge to message me and have no idea why but it will pester you until you do. For some reason, this actually comes up all the time.

Basically, if you feel like messaging me, you should. I'm not into the idea that a lot of profiles present that you have to prove you are somehow good enough to message someone. And don't worry about not knowing what to say. I find "hi" works just fine.