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31 Miami Beach, FL Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–33
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Hispanic / Latin
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Libra, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from two-year college
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a walking cartoon. My favorite color is red, my 2nd favorite is green, I think Hello Kitty is awesome, and I drive a MINI. I strive to be intelligent, however I know that I am not, for I have met true intelligence and I can safely tell you that it exists few and far in between within the humanoid gene pool. I love horror/Gore movies as well as 3D animated. I have a favorite: Animal, Planet, Color, Car, and Scientist. My ideal gf would help me hide the corpse.

Are you into older guys? If so, I can assure you that the atoms I am made of are at least millions if not billions of years old.

I love sentences that begin with "According to ancient astronaut theorists,".

Don't slap my face......that is a red button for me to kill everyone in the room. It's involuntary.

I am ticklish on my: Neck, forearms, feet, and ribs. Stay away from those areas!

I HATE phone conversations. Sorry. But the second a phone conversation starts, I feel like I've just been locked in a room and the walls are now closing in. At that point you have about 90 seconds to get your point across. I'm not an asshole, it's just the way that I feel on the phone and no amount of love can change that! Text is AWESOME.

I love animals, but what I love more than just animals are animals that eat other animals. I'm always cheering for the crocodile to snag that wildebest and tear it to shreds. Except for penguins.....I love penguins! So don't fuck with them.

I feed and take care of my crickets before feeding them to my frogs.

Short list of personal opinions:

1. Religion is a business.
2. Politics is a religion.
3. Very few people were raised "right".
4. You don't "need" to be raised "right" to do good with yourself.
5. "Political correctness" is an assinine idea invented by a pretentious America.
6. No one is created "equal".
7. Love is not blind, at first.
8. My opinions change, when it makes sense.
9. The universe is a far more funky place than what any bible has described and what we could have ever imagined. (Thank you Quantum Physics).
10. Humans have more than five senses and I think I have at least seven.
11. Fuck you Fiat, MINI is 100x cooler.
12. Internet Explorer 9.x SUCKS!!
13. Google Chrome is the best browser ever, but damn you for being installable even under secured corporate environments. You're bypassing my shit, yo!
14. Match % is BULLSHIT sometimes.
15. I am happy and awesome, and I wish more people were too.
16. Love this video. Describes the conflict between Israel and Palestine quite well.
17. This video makes me happy:
18. This one puts a smile on my face:
19. This is how I feel after every workout:
20. I don't think a 20 yearold is able to understand the magic in relationships. So you probably shouldn't message me if you're one.
21. "Turn Off Notifications" is the single most awesome feature of Facebook.
22. Despite what OKCupid says, I'm an introvert. I don't even like most people. I usually judge people within seconds of meeting them, then I say to myself "I don't have time for this crap!".....and move on. I'm very open only with my inner circle of friends. I'm a happy introvert. HOWEVER.....In a drinking situation, many times I become a super extroverted chatterbox.

The end.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a Network Administrator. Basically, the network is my bitch (but I'm really a corporate slave). My current focus is HP Blade Servers, HP Left Hand SAN, and Microsoft Hyper-V. However, I've always had an extreme throbbing boner for VMware. It's the shiznit!

[ UPDATE 10/3/2012 ] I now work with VMware! WOOOOO!!!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Having fun.
Looking stupid in front of everyone.
Looking smart in front of everyone.
Sticking out like a sore thumb.
Being the awkward one in a room full of awkward people.
Being a nerd.
Trolling people on OkCupid.
Turning my feet all the way around (180 degrees).

...Oh yes....and cooking. I'm badass.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm tall and lanky.
My red sunglasses.
The fact that I walk like Shaggy from Scooby Doo.
That I don't have a word filter.
My whole body shakes when I laugh.
I'm super geeky, a little crazy, really cool, and kind of funny.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Movies/Shows: Django Unchained!, Breaking Bad, Scott Pilgrim Vs The World, House of a 1000 Corpse, Walking Dead, Zombieland, Colbert, John Stewart, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Zoolander, 300, Sin City, Pulp Fiction, Starsky and Hutch, The Hills Have Eyes, Inglorious Basterds, Borat, Bruno, The Dictator, Planet Terror + Death Proof (GrindHouse), 28 Days Later, Der Untergang, City of God, Maria Full of Grace, Y Tu Mamá También, Cowboys and Aliens, South Park, Ancient Aliens, MegaMind, Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman, Prometheus, Avengers, Devil's Rejects, any documentary narrated by Alec Baldwin, and more.

Obsessed with Discovery Channel, History Channel, H2, Science Channel, and Animal Planet.

Music: Shpongle, Desert Dwellers, Tale of Us, Bluetech, Thugfucker, M.A.N.D.Y, WildKats, Jungle, Audiofly, PowTron, Blond:ish, 123Mrk, Amon Tobin, Peter Kruder, Bob Moses, Tipper......and many more.

When people ask me "What genre of music do you like?", I just respond with "Good music". I need the beats to tell a story and take me places; complexity through simplicity achieved by intelligently chosen sounds and ingeniously woven into songs. Lately I've been into really dubby experimental music, Bass music, NuDisco, and Funk.

Food: I tend to find a badass place to eat, and pick only one dish to eat from there for the rest of my life. Example: At Miss Saigon I only eat the #20 Miss Saigon Rice Noodles w/ extra spring rolls. Fuck everything else on that menu, that shit is DELICIOUS.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My MINI Cooper.
My friends/family
Nude beaches.....I go at least once every 1-2 weeks to Haulover. [Update 11/12/2014] I don't go nearly as often as I used to. It's been a few months actually. I think I grew tired of creepy gay dudes parking their butts uncomfortably close to me just to check out my junk[/Edited]
My favorite TV channels
Food (I'm the world's most skinniest obesed person)
Ursula, my assault rifle (FN Herstal FS2000 OD Green)
Ovaltine Chocolate Malt
Hakuna Matata
Working out! I'm not buff but I feel GREAT.

...I know that's 11 things....

.......there's more.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The universe, society, love, and why the hell Star Wars just seems so much sexier than Star Trek. I'm a total trekky, but I would totally bang a girl while she wears nothing but a storm trooper helmet. WTF.

Wondering in what instances does "Free Spirit" mean that you're NOT a whore?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Just relaxing most of the time, polishing my sweet ride, watching my educational or funny shows, and once in a blue moon partying hard with friends. I live a calm life these days, for the most part.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
1. My penis size is inhuman. Seriously, I should find a dating website for giraffes.

2. I'm too tall and lanky to dance with anyone. Just let me do my thing! UNTZ UNTZ UNTZ.

3. Financially I'm doing ok for my age.......But I'm fucking horrible with money. Always broke. I should probably date a girl who majors in finance. [Edited 8/24/2014] I now started buying gold as a means of tricking myself into saving money, by spending money. This shit is working! Woooohoooo. [Edited 9/22/2014] I NOW HAVE A 401K RETIREMENT PLAN! WOOOHOOO. It's funny the things that make you excited as you get older....WTF. [UPDATE 10/25/2014] I created the most awesome Microsoft Excel file to manage all my liquid assets. I'm officially awesome with money.

4. I have no ass at ALLLL

5. I answered 1,300 questions on OKCupid.

6. I smoke cannabis for medicinal purposes. It helps me keep my weight up, sleep, and relieve stress. If you have a problem with that, then we can't be together.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're eccentric.
You know who Gumby is.
You have no shame.
You have no problem saying penis in public.
You know who Michael Knight is.
You love racist jokes.
You think I'm gay.
You love deep conversations.
You know Rick, Hershel, Carl, Dale, T-Dog, Maggie and Glen.
You think Lori was a cunt.
You choose to be happy.
You know Kitt and Karr. (Definitely if you know Kitt and Karr!)
You know who the Thunder Cats were.
You love being wrong.
You're ok with being right.
You know Yakko, Wakko, and Dot.
You laughed while reading this profile.
You love working out or some form of exercise. ( I could use a buddy! )
You're moved by this song: ......It has to put a smile on your face.
You have the balls to voice your opinion and be fine with being the only one in the room with that opinion.
Your soundcloud "likes" looks as experimental as mine
(ESPECIALLY if your soundcloud likes are as experimental as mine)