'you can and do write in complete sentences and have more to say in
your initial email than "Hello (insert flattering adjective). How
are you today?". I've made some effort to give you plenty of things
to comment on or ask about. If you didn't even skim my words, I'll
be slightly flattered if I find you attractive (or mildly annoyed
if I don't) that you even bothered to write me, but I probably
`you're not afraid of strong intense women. Seriously. Think about
this hard before you message me.
`you're the real life version of Iron Man. I have the
But I'm not going to run your business, I'm wearing the other
`you do acroyoga and slackline. This is a priority for me
currently. I need a tall guy to climb all over. A little like this:
But more climbing.
`you're not attached to someone else. I wanna be your only
`you don't mind a six pack on a chick. I'm not very squishy right
now, almost no body fat actually. If you like your women well
padded, I'm probably not for you.
'You're reasonably attractive and admirably fit. (I mean it about
the fit part. I am not even slightly attracted to men carrying
extra weight, or even those who are just naturally bear-like. For
instance, I like a baseball/basketball player's build over a
`you find me unbearably attractive and can't wait to have me make
`you have more than one photo (preferably the max allowed) and at
least some of them were taken within the last few months. And
please have at least one or two without your ubiquitous shades on.
I wanna see your eyes. It's important.
`you think rabbit holes are perfectly good portals into wonderlands
and are able and willing to go head first down any that you
`Willy Wonka is your idol.
'you'd like me to be the co-star of your show as desperately as you
wanna be the co-star in mine. I hope you're writing yourself a good
one because mine is a blast.
`you agree that the line between reality and fantasy is often
blurry and has a rather wide margin.
`you are ready to fall fast and hard if that's what happens. I
can't promise forever, but I can promise the time of your life. If
it happens to last forever, that would be tremendously
I'd like that. But only if it stays fun. No fun = no longer
fortuitous. Fun can happen in the middle of tragedy. Really. It's a
brilliant stress reliever. And the less stress, the better
everything else works. Not that I'm predicting tragedy for us. But
shit does indeed happen. Gotta laugh about it or it stays
`you want to run around town like 5 year olds who have money and
cars. 5 year olds who say Fuck a lot. My inner kid still thinks
it's hilarious to say fuck. And don't get me started on farts.
Farts are fuckin' funny, I don't care who you are.
`you want to take me surfing. Or even just to the beach. SUPing
would be lovely here or there. SUPing's lovely everywhere.
`it's entirely possible that you're an alien.
`you seek Passion foremost and let everything follow from
You're still here? Alright then... What cartoon character defines
how you're feeling right this second?