So after tons of debating and fighting with my parents, I had decided to move to Rochester. I've already got a house there with two awesome roomies, one of which is an ex girlfriend that I've known for almost seven years.

Rochester seems to be the kind of place that a writer would go to and be irrevocably changed, bettered for his time there.

I expect to do a lot of growing up, to write tons of wonderful stories about my adventures there, and to meet and romance wonderful people. For once romance is not first and foremost in my mind; it would be awesome to find a boyfriend eventually but I wouldn't want them in lieu of a fun, productive lifestyle. The boyfriend should enhance that type of living.

So here's an open call to anyone in the Rochester area that wants to hang out and show me what's what in the Roc.

Can't wait to hang.

I think the worst part about dating isn't so much meeting the assholes along the way. Assholes you can hang up on or walk away from.

The hardest part about dating is meeting someone you like and going on a few dates, then really liking them, and then discovering that they're people with pasts, with issues and baggage and fears. They're imperfect, just like me.

And doesn't that just chafe?

How are we ever supposed to create long lasting relationships if both parties are thoroughly fucked up and jaded by the tender age of 21?

Will anyone from my generation ever spawn a successful, long-lasting relationship? And, more importantly, will I ever be an element of one such union? And, more important still, will I be able to maintain said relationship, or will I sabotage them?

How will I ever know?

Wow, ok, I'm over it now. Just had to get that out of my system. You know how it is; go through a few bad dates and you start questioning yourself, if it's all your fault, if it's something you said or did or something you didn't say or couldn't do.

I'll never know the answer to any of these questions until the end of my life.

What a bummer.

So it's about time I pick up my things and head back home to Florida.

It's been a long, strange, terrifying, and wonderful ride. I've never been happier, angrier, more scared and more optimistic in my life.

I'm sometimes afraid of going nowhere in life, but all I have to do is turn that negative energy around and make it a mantra, pushing myself to be better than my peers, my parents, even.

As for relationships, I've learned so much, more than I can encapsulate here.

I hope my new adventures bring me to a happier, more productive place, one in which I can be proud and look upon these darkling times as something to laugh about.

I don't ever want to be old and wish I were young again. I'm going to make sure I enjoy it the first time around.

Ok, so I'm making this a month late, but here it goes:

1)I'm going to work on my intrapersonal relationships.

2)I'm not going to overthink things.

3)I'm not going to take things personal.

4)I'm going to start learning and reading again. Anything from Hitler's rise to power to Fashion Tips by Cosmopolitan Magazine.


About 1: This last year has been a really hard one for me. I've never felt lonelier, even though people kept trying to get a hold of me. I didn't realize I had such a negative opinion of people as a whole, and now that I focus on it, I can start pinpointing past events that led me to this surprisingly pessimistic view.

So I want to start forming strong relationships with people again-platonic, romantic, and familial. I've been so out of touch with my family and friends. My poor ex-boyfriends have suffered because I've been so aloof and paranoid.

That's going to stop, and it feels great to say it and mean it.

I'm dating someone with a bit of promise and one hell of a smile, so if this is the New Year's challenge then I'll gladly accept it.

Here's to Oh Nine.

I got these passes to go see the movie Push next Tuesday.

I'll be damned if I go alone.

Anyone care to accompany me?

I've spoken to at least a dozen guys over three dating sites in the past two weeks and, to be honest, they've all been epic letdowns.

And it's not because I'm particularly picky or persnickety.

The one common thread among this tapestry of failure is their unwillingness to open up and allow for the possibility of a relationship. Or, at the very least, dating.

So, please, guys, be bold and decisive.

So I went to my first gay clib last night. Paradise, in Cambridge. It was great. I went with my hag and her new squeeze and we danced our dicks off.

There were about three guys that I wanted to approach and as I was sitting at the bar with my friends, drinking my 'jolly rancher with a twisssst!', I couldn't think of one clever or witty opener.

So I just sat there, drinking my twisssst. The three guys each made eye contact with me (or maybe it was the gay porn playing on the plasma screen above my head...) so I totally had the go-ahead to be bold.

I was just terrified, I guess. But I felt like I would perhaps soon be able to overcome this particular social terror.

Or someone could make it easy for me by sending me a sweet okcupid mail and asking me on a date. That way I can worry about being clever for someone who I already know thinks I'm attractive.

Ah, but maybe I ask for too much!

Either way, I went to bed happy and looking forward to tomorrow.

But I didn't realize my profile said I was taken!

Believe me, I am more than single right now.

So, let the bids begin!

I've played the "View Your Profile" game with a few really cute people on this site and I get bold and send them messages...and nothing. But they keep looking at my profile.

So color me confused.

Come on people, what's the point of being on a dating site if you don't go on dates?

So, I've found myself on the cusp, the terrible in-between of who I once was and who I'm becoming.

It's actually not so bad. I'm not sure why I used the adjective "terrible." I think it's because self-discovery is supposed to be a trying time, one that rocks the very foundation of you.

But I've always been chipper. I'm just excited to see what I'll turn into. Kinda like a Pokemon evolving into a stronger, faster, more brutal warrior. Yeah, I totally went there.

I've come to the realization that the pursuit of love shouldn't consume my life. I should be doing things to better myself and if, along the way, I meet someone incredible, then I'll be better equipped to date them.

Yet I find myself on OkCupid looking for awesome kids to date and it seems hypocritical. I guess at this point, I'm open to experience and memory-making. I want to enjoy myself, enjoy others, and have a good time.

Word.