Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


34 M Toronto, Ontario, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 14
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Other, and laughing about it
Scorpio, and it’s fun to think about
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Likes cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm a malignant troll, who's really uptight, and never manages to get anything done in spite of this. I really hate laughing (fucking laughing; what good has it ever done?), but even more than that, I hate my friends (fucking friends, always making me laugh; fucking laughing). They're so terrible, and mean nothing to me.

What, you were expecting me to tell you that I'm all laid back, but still manage to get things done, love laughing, and love my friends. Bah! Rubbish!
What I’m doing with my life
Ever since I outsourced "living it" to some really cheap workers in Cambodia, I've been able to focus my efforts on being a brain in a jar. That said, these efforts aren't quite covering the invoices from the Cambodians, and I may have to resume living my life at some point.
I’m really good at
Sex. So good at it in fact, that I can't beat back aspiring sexual partners anywhere near fast enough. Naturally that's why I'm on this website; to find someone who can beat back the aspiring sexual partners for me, so I have fewer distractions from being a brain in a jar. Of course, with the Cambodians taking all my money to live my life, I'll have to sex this person up in lieu of payment.
The first things people usually notice about me
My luxuriant flowing hair and magnificent ass. Definitely. Not that anyone's ever told me. What the hell would they know about this anyway?

Oh, they might also notice my complete lack of sarcasm and general tone of sincerity. Sarcasm is for assholes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh come now, if I answer this, then you'll actually be able to find something out about my personality that might be deeper than cheap shots at bland and generic profiles. You'll have to message me for this.
The six things I could never do without
Clear and honest profiles.
Messages from guys who think they'll have better luck showing me their cocks online than just going to a bathhouse.
Mechanical elves.
The persistent risk of drowning.
Deadly seriousness.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The cost of Cambodian labour, and whether I should move the "living my life" business to Tuvalu instead.
On a typical Friday night I am
Floating in a bath of cerebrospinal fluid.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 23–45
  • Near me
  • For short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You want me to insult you. If you actually want something closer to a pleasant conversation, try that kiwano fellow.