There are a lot of you, and you are very sexy and wonderful.  And I am allergic to cats, so I can't date you.  And I can't understand why you smoke when you know it causes cancer, and makes everything smell bad, and I can't date you.  And this makes me sad.

This is an experiment for an impromptu date: Airplane is playing near me (and near you) at 7 o'clock - who's coming with me?

Because her mailbox is full.  Are you this girl?  Will you please clean out your mailbox so I can write you a letter?

Let's be positive. I constantly find myself looking at the You Should Message Me If sections of people's profiles and find that they are filled with negative requirements. That is to say, people are asking for the reader/future writer to Not do things. We have all had negative experiences in life, but I don't think that broadcasting them, and describing in detail things you don't like, in excess to the things that you do is often a turn-off in regards to your personality. And honestly, the things you are asking people not to do, should not be things you have to ask for - if someone is going to write you a nice, thought-out, grammatically correct letter, I think they are going to do it, not because you demand it, but because that's what they're going to do. And the people who don't re-read their letters, or use spell-check or have anything interesting to say are going to write to you anyway, and you just don't have to respond to them. I don't think that these negative requirements are unreasonable, I just wish that if you must write them, that you, in addition, gave me a reason to write to you.

I consider myself a gentleman. I enjoy composing letters to strangers here, finding things on their profiles to respond to and discuss. I also enjoy (maybe a little too much), how easy it is to sort people - to thin the field. If you get a letter from me, it will have been thought-out, composed correctly, and written in earnest. But will you write back?

Today, I bought a cheap tuxedo. I feel contradictory. I sometimes go to the DGA theater on 57th street, which is right near the Russian Tea Room. I want to go in there, in my cheap tuxedo, and say I would like your cheapest caviar and a bottle of your worst champagne. Who's with me?

There are various ways to reject people. I think I would like a brief but firm rejection - say, a No, or perhaps a No Thank You. What I often get is nothing. I can't do much with nothing... If you think this is about you, it is.

I like to cut it into eight pieces, no matter the size or the number of people whose bellies it will be in...

It is 11:20 at night and some jerk is using a leaf blower to clean the Walgreens parking lot, across the street from me. This makes no sense to me. At all. Does this make me a curmudgeon?

do you forgive me?

How are we supposed to talk to each other if you turn IM off? This messaging business is all fine and dandy, but sometimes, there's not a whole lot to say because you don't have a whole lot of profile. I can see you out there. I can hear you breathing. Why do you insist on being silent?