I was recently told that I sound like a creep based on my profile. Instead of putting effort into not sounding creepy I will be as accurate as possible. Yes, years ago I chose my user name to frighten a friend who had joined (imagine receiving messages from a stranger who gradually reveals more and more knowledge of your personal details--hilarious, no?). I've only recently been reminded of this... thing--it's much more than a mere diversion and much more facile than immediate contact. But I enjoy people watching; I'm curious about people (not a stalker).

But I will not be evasive: if I could, I would invade people's privacy not for the sake of sexual gratification, but to observe the poignant, mundane, and poignantly mundane moments of their lives. I now realize this is an easy way to people watch and know a little more about the people whose faces I find compelling without threat or transgression. I like reading faces and what people write about themselves.

I also assume that this website's matching algorithm will lead me to people like me, men and women, and I'm curious about people like me. Are they monstrous? Are personality flaws expressed between the lines and in their preferences? Will I discover that I dislike people who are like me? etc. I am reading about you because I desire understanding and enjoy these questions, not because I desire you sexually; I do not dare think that any interaction would lead to real intimacy, or I should say, actual copulation. It is interesting to read the sexual frustrations of my fellow men expressed as earnest or witty compliments to women on the internet. Almost as interesting as women who would provide outlet to that same and self-same sexual frustration on the internet. I never knew women existed like you; I suspect that many of you are actually men. Can life-sustaining, and not merely life-begetting, intimacy be achieved here?

This is all very interesting to me.

But at the risk of sounding fatuous, it is heartwarming to see people who have not had their looks be either a crutch or a handicap, who challenge superficial judgment, and have developed into interesting and decent people (as far as their profiles, personality flags, and preferences can indicate). It is also a relief to be reminded that there are other people out there, whose differences would be less difficult to surmount, whose words construct a fully formed human that almost seems warm to the touch, and who like me could be said to have no 'real' business being here. But we are here. My heart goes out to all of you, you are all fascinating, beautiful, and deserve happiness and respect. Here is a 'woo'.

I am also interested in my 'enemies'. These profiles also tend to humanize people I would easily and hypocritically disregard as mere bigots, homophobes, and reactionaries. But my god, some of the grammar is appalling.

i wish my mum was here.

Editors

• iik56

Being overeducated and underemployed.

Attracting the attentions of gay men... apparently. Being ambushed by my cat and feigning surprise and terror for her sake.

I'm not sure, but I can assume they're thinking: 'Who is that dynamic, mysterious, dashing young man? He seems to have a special aura around him.'

Let me assume it.

My musky, Victor Mature-like scent?

Maybe those things are related.

It's more likely that I remind them of a younger, possibly troubled brother who neglects his appearance, wears inadequate outerwear, and refuses to use an umbrella.

Food: Tin of soup, heat it up, poach an egg in it, serve that with a pork pie sausage roll.

1. Dental floss
2. Tongue scraper
3. A diet high in indigestible cellulose
Actually, those are things people in general should never do without.

4. Material distractions from the overwhelming futility of my existence.
5. Empty pleasures to compensate for my spiritual and ethical bankruptcy.
6. Optimism

Enantiodromia

Slow dancing with myself to 'Clair de Lune' until I collapse onto a settee from sheer physical and emotional exhaustion.

I am an atheist with at best a confused belief in the imitation of Christ, and at worst a messianic complex.

I enjoy pissing in rivers.

I am not Jesus Christ. I've come to accept that.

Our match percentages are in the high 90s. Let's get married and produce offspring immediately. Through heredity and upbringing, they too will have match percentages in the 90s and we will have a highly matched existence involving color coordinated sweatshirts and maybe a family band. Oh no the circle won't be broken by and by lord by and by. Don't let my superannuation deter you of tender age and flesh. To paraphrase the R. Kelly (a personal hero) produced pop gem: "age ain't nothin' but a number," and OK Cupid match percentages are sigils of destiny.