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27 M Chicago, IL

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body Type
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
(Update: I'm currently seeing someone. "So why are you here if not to troll for sex?" you might ask. Well, get your mind out of the gutter! I'm capable of a platonic friendship. Probably.)

- I am a guy.

- My hair is brown.

- This profile is long.

- I've lived in Chicago for over two years. While I have no intention of making this permanent (looking for someplace warmer, preferably ocean-adjacent), I've mounted some shelving in my apartment and don't plan to tear it down anytime soon.

- I have never had a good experience on public transit, so I tend to avoid it.

- I ride my (awesome) road bike wherever and whenever I need to commute--distance, safety, and parcel size/weight permitting. Otherwise, I don't mind a long walk.

- I invented white people using "Word" as a singular affirmative statement. Sorry.

- I'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man.
What I’m doing with my life
- Writing; editing, revising, submitting, repeat. Every moment not spent toiling within this process feels like a moment wasted.

- Werk.

- Internetting.

- Videogames. If you like Smash Bros., I like you.

- Finding milk crates and plastic produce crates in back alleys, and then making something out of them. (I don't own nearly enough things to justify how much storage space I've made for myself, but I can't seem to stop bringing these dirty things home)
I’m really good at
Terse exposition.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Here's a pretty good sample of stuff I like (more complete than concise this time, and the items under each heading are in no particular order).

Of Mice and Men, The Things They Carried, The Road, Cannery Row (Steinbeck makes me thirsty for red wine...), Will You Please Be Quiet, Please?, The Sun Also Rises, Consider the Lobster, A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, Ender's Game, The English Patient, Lolita, Slaughter House Five, Cabinet*1, A Good Man Is Hard To Find, The Satanic Verses, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Rules of Attraction, The Bell Jar, Cathedral, No Country For Old Men, All The Pretty Horses (...and McCarthy makes me hungry for tortillas, beans, and boiled eggs), A Clockwork Orange, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, In Cold Blood, The Great Outdoor Fight*2

Fight Club (the only instance I can think of where the movie is far and away more entertaining than the book), The LOTR Trilogy Extended Editions*3, American Psycho, The Warriors, Atonement, Constantine, A Scanner Darkly, The Dark Knight, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, The Empire Strikes Back, Children of Men, The Monster Squad (Wolfman's got Nards!), Iron Man 3, Zombieland, Shaun of the Dead, Knocked Up, No Country for Old Men, The Darjeeling Limited, Brick, Deathproof, etc.

Supernatural (apologist), Breaking Bad, Firefly, Cowboy Bebop, Archer, Metalocalypse, Rocko's Modern Life, Community, Parks and Recreation, Arrested Development, Game of Thrones, 30 Rock, The League, The Walking Dead, Justified, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, The Venture Bros., Pushing Daisies

Harvey Danger (Sean Nelson), Rilo Kiley (Jenny Lewis); i.e. pretty, depressing shit.

Egg whites, sweet potato, pea soup, beer*4, Sweet Baby Ray's Sweet Chili Sauce, Swedish Fish.

*1: This is technically an arts-and-culture quarterly, but it's just about the smartest writing on the weirdest topics ever collected, and it keeps on coming.
*2: Extra points for Achewood.
*3: Counting three separate movies (and extended editions at that) as one body of work might be considered cheating to the more sanctimonious list-makers among us, but I'm no prescriptivist; I play it fast and loose, especially when it comes to asides, addenda, appendixes, and of course the furtive little footnote.
*4: I really like bad beer--Icehouse, esp.--although right now I'm on an indefinite alcohol hiatus.
The six things I could never do without
My Family (the benzo family)
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
If I've visited your profile multiple times, it's because I've forgotten that I've visited it before, but think you're cute. Try not to be in some way offended or alarmed: I'm not stalking you. I just have very poor short-term memory.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–35
  • Near me
  • For new friends
You should message me if
- You want to talk*1.

- You want to play video games and/or ride bikes.

- You are out of my league.

- You are Rashida Jones, Krysten Ritter, Lizzy Caplan, Christina Hendricks ten years ago, or Hilary Duff with a very late-term abortion.

- You'd like to take a long bike ride somewhere far, far away.

- You don't mind being bold, explicit, blunt, or making the first move, because I'm generally aloof to social cues. And not in a cute, coy, rom-com kind of way; in a way that people find really fucking frustrating.

*1: A lot of people say things like, "Don't send me a pic of your abs!" or "Don't just say I'm 'pretty'!" or "Don't just say 'Hi'!" or "Don't write a huge paragraph!" or "Don't use some stupid pick up line!"

I have no such misgivings.