Hold on, there. I am not saying I'll fuck you immediately, regardless of whether or not we can stand each other (I stopped being searchable by "casual sex," for a reason). I actually like to respect and even befriend the people I have sex with, and I prefer them to respect me, as well. In fact, just to be absolutely clear, I'm going to list a bunch of deal-breakers, just so we don't waste each other's time.
- If you write a one-liner, I'm just going to delete it, even if you're a 90% match. I put a fair amount of time and effort into telling you about me; ergo, I appreciate when you put some time and effort into telling me about you. If you want to let me know we have "similar interests," please be specific; it makes it much easier for me to write back. Also, it makes it easier for me to think you're awesome, and then we both win. Seriously, when you write, "sup sexy," what I read is, "I'm an illiterate asshat."
- This is, inherently, hilarious. Please be able to see the humor in this situation, and be comfortable with yourself. We're adults here.
- The robot has proved to be pretty smart; if we're below 80%, it's probably not going to work out.
- Don't be a douchebag.
- Yes, I have an hourglass figure; however, I am emphatically not thin. I'm actually kinda chubby. Super hot, but not "fit," "athletic," or whatever politically correct term you use to try to disguise the fact that you want a girl who looks like the girls on TV. It's fine that you want that, but it's not me, so please don't write to me.
- I wear glasses and stripey tights. I have pink streaks in my hair. I am not mainstream attractive. I feel really good about this; I'm not fishing for compliments, so please don't write to me and tell me I *am* mainstream attractive. I don't particularly want to be; also, you're lying.
- I know this sounds obnoxious; I'm weeding you out.
- I'm a smart, funny, sex-positive person. You should be, too.
- Like douchebaggery, if you happen to be racist, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, or just a garden-variety bigot, please be able to keep this to yourself; I don't want to know about it, and it won't get you laid.
- I'm a grammar nerd. Big words and appropriate punctuation turn me on. Seriously. Meaning that if you can't spell and don't know how to use apostrophes, we're not going to hit it off.
- I'm also a smartypants. I have a soft spot for nerds and geeks.
- If you don't have a picture, send one; this is my naughty profile, so I'm allowed to be a little superficial.
- I don't shave my legs (you probably won't notice, but I'm letting you know in case it scares you off and saves me some time) or my armpits. I do wax other areas, because it's fun to play with body hair.
- I prefer to conduct my entire life in Brooklyn. If you want to meet in Manhattan, you'd better be pretty damn persuasive.
- I do read the answers to your questions: don't be surprised if I tell you I'm not interested because you've said that being overweight is a dealbreaker and you think women are obligated to shave their legs and have sex with you (I am, I don't, and I won't, respectively).
- I have some fun hobbies and amazing friends that take up a lot of my time. I may not be able to meet up for a few weeks. I totally get that waiting around gets old, and I'm not mad at you for not wanting to, but I'm not going to cancel plans with friends to meet someone from the internet. I wouldn't expect you to, either. So maybe we can be super spontaneous and meet up right away, but it's more likely that we'll have to plan way in advance.
- I don't fuck Republicans. I am a commie, pinko, queer, and while you don't have to be, it helps.
*Steady could mean every few weeks, every month, or every few months. It could also mean every night for a week, and then never again. I'm not so into one-night stands; I prefer on-going play, as it gives us a chance to learn about each other and get to know each other's bodies.