Issuing supreme power to you...one moment.

My self-summary Propose an edit

Sometimes at a fast food joint, I ask for a water cup, but I fill it up with soda at the fountain. Ronald McDonald, you've been hit by a smooth criminal.

I have a very vivid imagination.

What I'm doing with my life Propose an edit

A series of prophetic dreams and life-changing decisions made on a whim have have landed me my dream job: I travel around the world helping scientists and researchers solve their trickiest computational problems. I love helping people and solving hard problems, but I worry that the adventure is going to be lost in a sea of golf analogies and corporate-speak buzzwords. If you have advice, get in touch.

I'm really good at Propose an edit

inventing dance moves, listening, explaining, abbrev.-ing, building and fixing things, mixing metaphors, brewing beer, hand drumming, tasting food, daydreaming ridiculous scenarios, building fires, card games (esp. no-limit tournament hold em), catching people off guard, grilling food, curing people of the hiccups, diffusing hostile situations, sticking it to the man, giving backrubs, and gluing coins to the floors of public spaces

The first thing(s) people usually notice about me Propose an edit

if they are meeting me socially is that they can't tell if I am serious or joking. Lots of people mention sarcasm as one of their personality traits. Well, their sarcasm is like a droplet in my sarcastic ocean. Also, my sarcasm has layers, like an onion. Unlike an onion, it will not make your mama cry.

Oh, the last thing they notice about me as I walk away is my scrumptious, scrumptious ass.

My favorite books, movies, music, and food Propose an edit

You feel yourself becoming intrigued (and dare I say aroused?!) by my refined cultural tastes...

Books »
National Geographic Atlas of the World, The Iliad, Miles - The Autobiography, Where the Wild Things Are, Tropic of Cancer, Goodnight Moon, Lady Chatterley's Lover, The 13 Clocks

Movies » Here's the trailer for my all-time favorite movie, which is pretty rad in itself. I also like Wayne's World, Hero, The Godfather, 007 movies, The Dancin' Outlaw, Spirited Away, and 2001.

Music » Sonic Youth, Joao Gilberto, A Tribe Called Quest, Booker T and the MGs, The Velvet Underground, Built To Spill, DJ Shadow, The Meters, Steel Pulse, Fela Kuti and Slick Rick. If you have heard music you think I'd like, please recommend it.

A good way to get my attention is to turn me on to some new sounds, so I put some new favorites below, but I hate snobs, so if you turn up your nose at geniuses like Jimi, Stevie and MJ because other people already like them, it's not gonna work out.

• Betty Davis - Anti-luv Song
• Mexican Instititute of Sound - El Micrófono
• Hope Sandoval - Cherry Blossom Girl

EDITORS

• snarkinthedark

The six things I could never do without Propose an edit

my salad shooter, my Run Ronnie Run commemorative beer cozy, my thighmaster, my Justin Timberlake chia pet, my Goodbye Kitty sensory deprivation tank, my do-it-yourself Brazilian wax kit

Seriously, try doing without the things you think you need. It builds character.

I spend a lot of time thinking about Propose an edit

how much I can accomplish in a single day with a worthy idea and a sense of single-minded purpose. towering mountains over sprawling, forgotten metropolises. how to optimize every aspect of my life -- eat the best food, listen to the best music, experience the best art and culture, and spend time with the most fascinating people. how can nothing but the ratios of sine waves that we call music affect us so powerfully. will all of humanity one day be uploaded into a galactic computer where we share all our thoughts and emotions. what would that feel like. oh shit my burgers caught on fire while I was thinking about the future.

EDITORS

• snarkinthedark

On a typical Friday night I am Propose an edit

right in front of the big speaker. I don't work 9-5, so I would probably go to shows the other six nights if I could just find enough people with my appetite for live music. Otherwise, I just wander the seedier parts of Chicago, dispensing my own brand of street justice on the yuppies and hipsters that cross my path.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here Propose an edit

It's hard for me not to consider people with Southern accents unintelligent....even though I have a hint of one myself.

Apparently, I am much more sensitive than I come off on this profile.

You should message me if Propose an edit

you like the cut of my jib? you wanna tap that?

I have gotten a couple messages from people that think I am obscuring myself with smartass jokes. Well, if you like to hear people talk about their inner selves, boy are you in for a treat! Read on!

I consider myself a very tolerant, all-accepting person and I never have an unkind word for anyone. If you can't appreciate that then FUCK. YOU!

Listen. I'm an optimist, and real improvement comes through understanding. Lately, I've become fascinated by the psychology of rhetoric, storytelling, and influence, everywhere from literature to sales to politics. Don't be surprised if you feel like I am playfully pushing your buttons if you meet me. That's not code for "I'm an asshole" -- I help others when I can and treat people with respect even before they earn it -- but I am more interested in what people think of the world and themselves than the cute things their cats do.

If that doesn't sound too bad, try dropping me a line. I'm especially interested in people who can make me laugh, make me feel outsmarted, and/or out-dance me. But anyone who thinks that I'm missing out by not knowing them should go ahead. After all, that's why I'd message you.

EDITORS

• snarkinthedark

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