A terrible bore, a massive geek, a totally unbearable dickwad. Cleverly self-referential and ironic. Brilliant, terrible, adored and feared like a mighty dictator. In short, a total smart-arse.

I'm a spelling-and-punctuation fan, I sing to myself constantly and I start one hundred tangential conversations without ever getting to a resolution. I'm a non-stop nonsense machine with an overactive mouth and underactive social sensitivity. I think funny noises and funny faces constitute humour and I sometimes pretend to be a robot.

** UPDATE **
I was going to update my profile, but I genuinely can't think of how to improve it. I describes me perfectly... (btw. I like to ride the fine line between ironic boasting and actual boasting.)

** UPDATE II **
This is my favourite thing of all time:
http://xkcd.com/258/

cryptic crosswords, a research PhD into economic development, wowing the crowds at the disco. Also single-handedly propping up the Morgan's Spiced Rum market. I'm trying to learn Billy Joel and Rachmaninov on the piano. I'm also trying to make my voice a baritone, even though, sadly, I'm definitely a bass.

the moonwalk; singing Billy Joel songs, accompanied by myself on the piano; maths; correctly using the semicolon in lists where the elements contain commas. I'm also amazing at peeling an orange without penetrating any o' the segments. I also spend a LONG time removing the pith. Then I share the orange with whomever I'm sitting with.

Ok, this one I'll do properly since it's relevant. I'm very tall, mostly bald and wear specks. In other words, I'm fairly hard to miss.

Books! Yeah!!
Music! Yeah!!!
Food!! God, life is amazing isn't it?!?!?

** UPDATE **
apparently specifics are good too:
To read: Grapes of Wrath - Steinbeck, The Fight - Mailer, Shakespeare, Alain de Botton, the Economist, XKCD, Paul Krugman's NY Times blog, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter - Carson McCullers, A Clockwork Orange, Farenheit 451.

To hear: Answer Me This podcast, More or Less - Tim Harford, Low (esp. Trust, the Great Destroyer and Drums and Guns), Stevie Wonder (esp. Songs in the Key and Innervisions), Beethoven (3rd, 5th, 7th are ok by me), Abbey Road, the Magnetic Fields, the Jackson 5, Tchaikovsky, the Longpigs, the Super Furry Animals, Queen's A Day at the Races.

To look at: The Thick of It, Peep Show, the Daily Show, Have I Got News for You, Series 1 of Spaced, Lars von Trier, Charlie Kaufman, Wes Anderson (esp. but not limited to The Darjeeling Ltd.), Brave 3D, Attenborough, Wonderland Documentaries, Sondheim Musicals, Black Mirror or anything inolving Charlie Brooker, Stewart Lee-related material, Little Miss Sunshine

good flatmates, my piano, XKCD, a powerful shower, my fabulous cartwheeling prowess, Stevie Wonder.

everything. I usually have twenty minute showers because I like to stand there and think about stuff. Plan my future, save the world, mentally rearrange my living room, think about funny things that happened that week.

in the pub with my pals.

I went to All Tomorrow's Parties this year and only saw one band.

Also, I only ever eat fruit if I cut it up into bits first and have it with natural yoghurt and honey.

you're the best person in the world (or at least in the top ten)