Accomplished artist. Philosopher. Paragon of Fashion. Connoisseur
of Fine Wines. Rock Star.
All of these are a good self summary if I'm having a particularly good dream, and probably under the influence of prescription pain medication.
Seriously, though, let's stick with the basics. My first calling in life was as an apprentice pirate. I literally wore a patch over one eye for a couple of years when I was four or five year old. I wore tricorn hats. I terrorized. I was the very model of a modern pirate captain.
The reason I am not a pirate today? Outsourcing. Other than the Pirates of the Carribean (run by soul sucking Hollywood types), all the real piracy these days is being done off the coast of Somalia, by Somalians. My career was over before it started, my hopes for my working years in the happy pursuit of other peoples riches, good rum, and bad women were dashed. Thanks for nothing, globalization.
My second goal in life was to become a Professor of History. Or perhaps Archaeology. I was always serious enough about the whole thing to understand that it would mostly be dusty tomes and using toothbrushes to clean off tiny pieces of pottery... if I was lucky. Nevertheless, no aspiring Archaeologist worth their salt does not want to be Indiana Jones. So again, the central motif of other people's (funerary) riches, exotic travel, and of course, adventurous women.
Eventually, I realized that if I wanted to be a real historian in a real college, doing really cool stuff with other people's money, I'd probably be graduating with my Ph'D in approximately... three weeks from now. And I'd have to write the same dusty tomes I would be expected to read. That or I'd never get tenure and have to sell all of my belongings, including my beloved toothbrush.
So what do I do now? Good question. I was actually hoping you'd help with that.
Since this isn't LinkedIn, I'm not talking about a job. I do have one of those. Or I will, until they discover that they can outsource my job to East Timor, anyway. It's not piracy, or rock-n-roll, but it pays for the bills, and for my electronic gadget collection habits.
No, what I am looking for is fun, and I am not exactly picky about how I obtain it. I like blue skies, rum, exotic travel, other people's money, and of course, toothbrushes. I also like meeting new people, and don't really get much of a chance to do that as much as I'd like.
I also admit to being hooked on the quizzes and answering the questions (you can never answer just one). What I don't understand is what the "Friend" percentage is supposed to be. I get that the "Enemy" percentage is how much you just don't get along, and I get that the Match percentage is something like how likely you are to get married and/or have sex like crazed weasels. The "friend" percentage seems to vary wildly from the enemy or weasel quotient, so I am sort of wondering if anyone can clear that up for me.
And don't look at me funny for talking about sex in terms of weasels. I have seen pictures on here that make that image positively tame in comparison. Hooks. Studded Leather Armor. Tattoos of Betty White. Not that I am against any of that, but just saying.
What? Oh, right. I guess I could say something that is actually about me here. I'm tallish, not dark at all, and my mother thinks I'm handsome. I won an award for skipping gym class in my Senior year of high school. I never lie, but I do sometimes make the truth more fun. I cannot cross one of my eyes.
And boy, oh boy, do I love pie. (Continuity line for those who like their profiles with story arcs).
Note: I have been resisting doing this, because I really don't want my profile to be all about this, but while I am still "Available", I have removed the dating status from my searches so that it shows clearly at the top that I am, in fact, Married. Although it is actually less accurate, a lot of very nice women were confused by the other status. So Caveat Emptor, Carpe Diem, Sic Semper Tyrannis and (insert Latin here).
All of these are a good self summary if I'm having a particularly good dream, and probably under the influence of prescription pain medication.
Seriously, though, let's stick with the basics. My first calling in life was as an apprentice pirate. I literally wore a patch over one eye for a couple of years when I was four or five year old. I wore tricorn hats. I terrorized. I was the very model of a modern pirate captain.
The reason I am not a pirate today? Outsourcing. Other than the Pirates of the Carribean (run by soul sucking Hollywood types), all the real piracy these days is being done off the coast of Somalia, by Somalians. My career was over before it started, my hopes for my working years in the happy pursuit of other peoples riches, good rum, and bad women were dashed. Thanks for nothing, globalization.
My second goal in life was to become a Professor of History. Or perhaps Archaeology. I was always serious enough about the whole thing to understand that it would mostly be dusty tomes and using toothbrushes to clean off tiny pieces of pottery... if I was lucky. Nevertheless, no aspiring Archaeologist worth their salt does not want to be Indiana Jones. So again, the central motif of other people's (funerary) riches, exotic travel, and of course, adventurous women.
Eventually, I realized that if I wanted to be a real historian in a real college, doing really cool stuff with other people's money, I'd probably be graduating with my Ph'D in approximately... three weeks from now. And I'd have to write the same dusty tomes I would be expected to read. That or I'd never get tenure and have to sell all of my belongings, including my beloved toothbrush.
So what do I do now? Good question. I was actually hoping you'd help with that.
Since this isn't LinkedIn, I'm not talking about a job. I do have one of those. Or I will, until they discover that they can outsource my job to East Timor, anyway. It's not piracy, or rock-n-roll, but it pays for the bills, and for my electronic gadget collection habits.
No, what I am looking for is fun, and I am not exactly picky about how I obtain it. I like blue skies, rum, exotic travel, other people's money, and of course, toothbrushes. I also like meeting new people, and don't really get much of a chance to do that as much as I'd like.
I also admit to being hooked on the quizzes and answering the questions (you can never answer just one). What I don't understand is what the "Friend" percentage is supposed to be. I get that the "Enemy" percentage is how much you just don't get along, and I get that the Match percentage is something like how likely you are to get married and/or have sex like crazed weasels. The "friend" percentage seems to vary wildly from the enemy or weasel quotient, so I am sort of wondering if anyone can clear that up for me.
And don't look at me funny for talking about sex in terms of weasels. I have seen pictures on here that make that image positively tame in comparison. Hooks. Studded Leather Armor. Tattoos of Betty White. Not that I am against any of that, but just saying.
What? Oh, right. I guess I could say something that is actually about me here. I'm tallish, not dark at all, and my mother thinks I'm handsome. I won an award for skipping gym class in my Senior year of high school. I never lie, but I do sometimes make the truth more fun. I cannot cross one of my eyes.
And boy, oh boy, do I love pie. (Continuity line for those who like their profiles with story arcs).
Note: I have been resisting doing this, because I really don't want my profile to be all about this, but while I am still "Available", I have removed the dating status from my searches so that it shows clearly at the top that I am, in fact, Married. Although it is actually less accurate, a lot of very nice women were confused by the other status. So Caveat Emptor, Carpe Diem, Sic Semper Tyrannis and (insert Latin here).
