Here I go again. Call me David Coverdale. Actually don't. His hair was awful. And none of my clothes are bedazzled.

I was born a poor black child. Just kidding. That was a line from the movie Jerk. I am not Steve Martin either. He's a douche now.

But anyway, my name starts with a J and doesn't rhyme with "Feliciano". I am a simple man. I love having fun, being comfortable, laughing, living and loving.

In my downtime, I like to surf the web and look at stuff that I can and can't buy, I like to write and dream and eat and watch movies and anything that has to do with music. I will even sing for you if we end up being close. Otherwise, I will be too shy to do so, but you never know.

I can't sit here and pretend that I know exactly what I'm looking for, but it's been a long time since I found someone who clicked with me on all cylinders, so I could really use some of that right now. I can say that to be even open to the idea of something long term, the potential person would have to understand me and my quirks, enjoy those quirks, be extremely patient... I'm talking like in the upper percentile, be really honest and extremely kind/polite (I can accept constructive cynicism and good ol' fashioned plain cynicism in small doses, but at this point of my life I'm not going to play games with someone who I see as a long term mate, but when it comes to short term dating or hookups, I guess it's all fair game) and someone that is passionate about many of the things that I'm passionate about and has some things in common with me. That is to say that we actually discuss these things and share these things and not just say "oh yeah, I like that, too". It's amazing how many times I've shared interests with someone and they didn't use that to their or our advantage. I mean to me it's something to celebrate and enjoy together. Especially the wide array of things that I like. It takes a special person to have all that wacky shit in common with me.

The problem I think with finding someone who completely gets you and gets along with you is that a lot of people just straight up misrepresent themselves. It's not just an online thing. I've had people do a complete 360 after spending a bunch of time with them in "real life". I'm not saying I'm completely innocent. Shit, I'm 34 years old and I still feel like I'm finding myself on many levels. I mean I know who I am at the core and I like who I am and am comfortable with who I am, but there are still those times when I do things that even surprise me. In good and bad ways I suppose.

I enjoy dating. I'm on the fence right now. Part of me thinks I might just want to stay a bachelor forever, but the rest of me I think is looking forward to the challenge of finding someone who will completely knock me off my feet again when I least expect it. Bring it on. Challenge me right back and we'll try to figure out this crazy little thing called love together.

Give me a buzz. I'm funny and unique and I don't take life too seriously. Thanks. I'm harmless. Come talk with me and I'll make it worth your while.

yahoo me -- (the44thmonkey)

13 Things I've Learned From OkCupid:
*8 out of 10 girls who like Lester Bangs are bisexual.
*9 out of 10 women don't like telling a guy they're not interested. Or maybe they like NOT telling us too much. Women love torturing men. That part, I learned long before I came to OkCupid.
*Love is a battlefield. (OKC *reminded* me about this one)
*Pretty girls make graves.
*8.5 out of 10 women that seem closest to my ideal match live really far away.
*8.25 out of 10 women that actually take the time to talk to me/get to know me end up liking me a lot. The other 1.75 freak themselves out until they convince themselves I'm a weirdo, stalker, or want to use them. It's always nice being judged before people truly know you. But it does help weed out the unstable and/or unfair people out there who aren't fit for dating anyway.
*Some people enjoy being lonely and/or bored. Either that or they're living double lives. (Ask me and I'll explain. I'm too lazy to do it now.)
*8.5 out of 10 girls who you will meet in person from this site will be down for intimate encounters not long after your first meeting. Especially the ones who act like they're not so sure about the whole thing. The ones you think will attack you within 5 minutes are the ones who make you wait and the ones you think might be prudes will be on top of you before you can say "blueberry pancakes". (Not that fast, but pretty fuckin' fast.)
{Another interesting aside: Out of all the women I've met in person from this site, only one of them wasn't interested in an intimate encounter or a relationship. (one or the other, sometimes both) And the one girl who wasn't interested was the one *I* was least interested in, so it worked out great!}
*Let's say I met 10 girls from this site. (What I *will* tell you is the number is less than that.) Out of those 10 girls, 3 of them basically fell in love with me, 3 of them wanted something purely physical and the other 3 weren't really clear about, or sure what they wanted. And the verdict is still out on 1. So it's been pretty evenly distributed thus far.
*Most women who blow you off on here (not counting the ones who don't even reply) do so without even trying or giving you a chance. They usually have no good reason, even though they seem to always think that they're laying the law down. Most reasons they have have (2 haves in a row!) nothing to do with anything you are about or anything you have talked to them about. I think some people need to learn more about themselves or be more honest before they sign up for these sites. I'm sure some women have genuinely disliked me, but it doesn't make a whole lot of sense when 2 similar women perceive you in entirely different ways. Usually one person is dead on and it blows you away and the other person couldn't be further from the truth and it makes you want to blow them away.
*People need to start lowering their expectations when joining sites. There's nothing wrong with having preferences, but this business about wanting only muscle bound studs with Ferraris who make 8 kajillion dollars a year is ridiculous. You're on a dating site for a reason. Don't be a dick. Don't be stupid. It doesn't become you. No matter who you are. Trust me. Have a little respect for yourself and others. And most of you could probably stand to open your minds just a wee litto bit more. If we were all that awesome, we wouldn't be here.
*I've learned more in the last year and a half of dating then I have in the rest of my life combined and it's not even close. It's been fun and a highly interesting and rewarding anthropological study. I've had the time of my life and thank all these wacky ladies for making my life not suck.
*Women are as awesome as they've ever been and probably more so. Men are still cavemen, but our female counterparts continue to grow, mature, evolve and get more beautiful. I don't know how they do it, but I'm not complaining about the results. I've been lucky enough to benefit from this unexplained, unexpected and unbelievable phenomena.

I am a writer, trying to make that my full time career and in the meantime just taking life one day at a time and enjoying all the simple things, something I think we should all do, if you ask me. So for now I'm just living it and taking it one day at a time and trying to enjoy all the little things that make it so beautiful.

I didn't think I'd be single again at this point so it all feels brand new and fresh and lovely to be alive and....er....single. Since I didn't think I'd be right here right now, I don't really know what I'm doing with my life, but I'm having a great time nonetheless. I feel like I have a new lease on life and that something big is going to happen soon. But I've been wrong before. But I am positive and optimistic and all warm and fuzzy. Something most excellent must be on the horizon, Keanu.

Honesty, patience, accepting, listening/giving advice, understanding, massages, making out, other stuff, trivia, creating, writing, thinking up weird shit, having common sense, judging character, self-deprecating humor, making mix tapes, procrastinating, pondering, liberating people, making off the wall stuff seem logical, sleeping, eating, turning people on to their new favorite bands/tv shows/movies/restaurants, etc., crossword puzzles, sudokus, Scrabble (bring it on, sucka), Wheel of Fortune, singing (well maybe not really good, but I'm decent), bowling (see: "singing"), hugs, making fresh squeezed lemonade out of lemons and moonwalking on water.

Eyes, height, hands, size 16 shoes, my shyness and my silliness.

Books: Chuck Klosterman, Jim Norton, Michael Azzerad, Jack Kerouac, Rob Sheffield, Ted L. Nancy, Lester Bangs, Nick Hornby, Chuck Palahniuk, Douglas Adams and Webster, yes Emmanuel Lewis 'cause he's the antichrist.

Movies: Pineapple Express, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Inglourious Basterds, Grindhouse, True Romance, Untamed Heart, the Game, Zodiac, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the Prestige, Memento, Dark Knight, Grosse Pointe Blank, the Namesake, Adventureland, Zombieland, Tropic Thunder, I Love You Man, 17 Again, Joe Dirt, Point Break, Back to the Future, BTTF II, Austin Powers trilogy, Stand by Me, Adaptation., High Fidelity, Face/Off, Kung Pow, Bringing out the Dead, Fargo, the Big Lebowski, Choke, Barfly, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, No Country For Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Donnie Darko, Southland Tales, Swingers, Darjeeling Ltd., Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, Goodwill Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam, the Hurt Locker, Sin City, Clerks and Clerks II, Office Space, the Science of Sleep, Three Kings, .

Music: I will either bore you or overwhelm you with my list of favorite bands, so instead I will just hit shuffle on my iTunes library and list the first 20 artists that come up: the Arcade Fire, Lagwagon, Steinski, Nirvana, Sun Kill Moon, Company Flow, Ultramagnetic MC's, Metallica, the Roots, Bob Mould, Afghan Whigs, Nick Cave, Pig Destroyer, Guided By Voices, Grandaddy, Ra Ra Riot, Fucked Up, Beastie Boys, Protest the Hero, Mos Def.

Food: Korean, Hawaiian, Mexican, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, sushi, pastrami, meatloaf, spaghetti and meatballs, burgers, sandwiches, salads, pot roast, curry, chicken katsu, Mitsu-ken's garlic fried chicken, ihavetostopbecausei'mgettinghungry.

TV Shows: Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld, Red Eye, Dinner For Five, Man v. Food, Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen, Cheap Seats, wrasslin', the Sopranos, Scrubs, Cosby Show, Mr. Show, Tom Goes to the Mayor, Tim and Eric Awesome Show..., Mighty Boosh, Arrested Development, Freaks and Geeks, Undeclared, the Famous Teddy Z, 30 Rock, the Office (both versions), Remote Control, House, Glee, How I Met Your Mother, Home Movies, Dr. Katz, Bored to Death.

Had to include a few of my favorite stand up comedians: George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Mitch Hedberg, Steven Wright, Bill Hicks, Patton Oswalt, Chris Rock, Richard Lewis, Eddie Murphy, Doug Stanhope, Jim Norton.

Physical contact
My laptop (with high speed internet)
A television with cable (I'm a simple man)
Water
Music
The ability to express myself through writing.

If I'll be a bachelor forever. (I'd be fine with it, to be honest) Why when I'm looking for a job no one hires me but when I have one suddenly people are knocking down my door. Kind of like when you're single.... If I'll ever start a band. Why do bad things happen to good people. If maybe I wasn't meant to have kids. Ever. What to write about next. Nonsense. Pop culture. Music. Movies. When I'm hungry I think about what amazing food will enter my mouth next. How hard it would be for me to become a professional gambler. Sports. Girls. Sex. Various female body parts. Life and shit.

Waitin' on a friend.

Date-type things I've been known to do are going to the movies, dining out, having drinks, taking walks, having conversations, driving around the island sightseeing while listening to music and talking and every once in awhile I like to frequent the malls just for fun or maybe even go to Dave and Busters. I would love to hear new date ideas. I love to learn new things and share new experiences.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit is that I'm not sure I should admit that I am apparently "packing". I know that sounds chauvinistic and male or whatever, but it's one of those bits of information that once you've heard it commented on a few times, you kind of don't want to keep it a secret and it's damn near impossible to at times. Especially when talking about things like that, which I tend to do when I'm bored. But I just admitted it. So I guess I'm sure I should admit it. Though I'm not sure how some of you out there will deal with this information. Don't take it too seriously. I mean it's just something about me. It doesn't mean I'm a god in bed or anything. It doesn't mean anything other than what it is. So there. Yeah. Sorry/Enjoy. :P

Right now I'm not looking for anything too heavy or deep. Just looking for some good company. But anything is possible. I'm an open minded individual. And I like to have fun. Duh. Don't we all?

I am looking for a woman who is fun, relaxed and just takes things as they come. I'm not necessarily looking for something serious, but I'm sure the right woman will come along and change my mind again. ;)

My perfect woman is this combination: Smart, funny, beautiful, sweet, caring, POLITE (that's a big one, and don't lie. A lot of people think they're polite, but they haven't figured out what it quite means yet), artistic, creative, bold, feisty (not mean), independent, good listener, honest, non-judgmental, into at least some of the same music as me and not into drama. Being another writer or other type of artist is definitely a plus, but not a requirement. ;) I want someone to have fun with, laugh with, think with and play with. Other dreamers and thinkers should definitely contact me. I totally need someone to watch TV series' on DVD with.

You should message me if you feel like you fit into any of those categories above and want to have fun, you're bored and tired of the same ol' song and you want to meet a one of a kind guy.

If you want to pretend I'm James Lipton and answer the famous Bernard Pivot questionnaire:

1. What is your favorite word?
2. What is your least favorite word?
3. What turns you on?
4. What turns you off?
5. What sound or noise do you love?
6. What sound or noise do you hate?
7. What is your favorite curse word?
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you not like to do?
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?

(I'll show you mine if you show me yours.)

yahoo me -- (the44thmonkey)