I tried being really sensitive and sweet, you know, like a decent person trying to draw in someone lovely, then people started sending me vile dreck, like all I needed in my life was a dick joke and a tit compliment. So forget it, the most awesome people who write to me: let's get some wine and shit talk other drunk people from the duck park/nearby bench/identity-shielding rows of bushes. Don't be alarmed by that invitation if you get it: you just won the grand prize of a complicated idiot new friend.
You have to be really patient with me and my demented-ass brain, but I buy good b-day gifts and give okay-to-mediocre shoulder rubs with no ulterior motives and let you babytalk my cats with only minimal ridicule so it balances out to being a pretty good friend overall. Plus, I like doing anything you like doing! You can boss me around & make me carry your groceries & open your beers -- I like to feel useful. Once I have a close friend, I would do anything for him/her, I just run really hot/cold at the beginning. *HUGE ADORABLE SHRUG*