Hi everyone. I'm gonna put my disclaimer first for all the people who don't want to waste their time if they can't date me! Whee!
I do OKC for friends, and I am asexual, not bisexual. (I did not have a better choice of orientation.) If you're looking at my profile because you're hoping I will date you or sex you, we are not what each other are looking for. We cool? Good!
I promise that I am exactly what it says on the tin, so don't complain if you bought it without reading the ingredients. I cannot be clearer than "I am here for friends and pen pals, and that's it." If you still cannot stop yourself from talking to me as if I am here for something else, I will need you to go sit in the sad chair.
Here is my lovely list of hints to avoid getting ignored, laughed at, or scolded like a bad bad person.
(Cool people, please bear with me, 'cause I'll get back to being awesome in a minute.)
1. Don't send me a one-line message. That includes "hi" or "how was ur weekend?" or "whats up lol?"
2. Don't ask me to meet you in message one.
3. Don't mail me to comment on how much you like my picture and say nothing else.
4. Don't send me the same message you just sent someone else (or forty other someone elses). I recognize form letters easily. Don't do it.
5. Don't send me a completely generic message about how you think I'm down-to-earth, cool, and interesting. And don't tell me you're a laid-back kind of person who just likes to laugh and have fun. I totally hate fun, you guys.
6. Don't make it clear you're looking for a wife, girlfriend, threesome addition, or sex partner, and then act like you had no idea I wasn't up for that. And I'd prefer that you didn't invite me over for wine and oral sex or describe your private parts to me.
7. Don't condescendingly lecture me on my obligation to let you change my mind on what I want.
But surely you're one of the ones who is way too awesome to make me deal with that crap, right? So let's talk about you!
Ways to get sweet authentic interaction from me:
1. Say something specific about what you liked in my profile. ("I liked that ur hot" doesn't work.)
2. Have something kickass in common with me and be willing to talk about it in depth.
3. Be really rambly and wall-of-text-ish in a way that you usually have to apologize for with other people.
4. Have questions about something I do and want advice, perspectives, or notes-comparison.
5. Be willing to be a little patient for a response; sometimes I'm really overwhelmed and behind, but I WILL write you back if you're clearly the kind of person I'm talking about here.
6. Understand that OKCupid is a matching site, not just a "dating site." (If you don't believe me, look at where you sign up and choose "here-for" categories. People can be here for sex, for dating, and for friends. There are literally check boxes as you're making your account, and I'm not out to shame people who only check the "for sex" box as long as they're not trying to get that sex from me. I'm using this site in ways that are built into the preferences. Lectures on how NOOOO IT'S ONLY FOR DATING BECAUSE THAT'S WHY I'M HERE can GTFO.)
7. Having a high match percentage with me doesn't hurt. Neither does being most of the things on this list.
That's it! Not hard! And I've made dozens of OKCupid friends (who became in-person friends!) since signing up for the tests in 2005, so it's definitely working for me. These are people who wouldn't dream of attacking me for not being on the market in the categories they want, and never childishly treated me like I'm guilty of false advertising just by being here.
If you're looking for friends and conversation partners too, or you're shopping for a mate but aren't planning to hit me up for it, AWESOME! Let's move on to the part where I tell you all the reasons why we should be friends instead of dwelling on the fart-gobblers who won't read this and will continue to message me based on my picture no matter what I do! :D :D :D
Things I love:
Art and artists, music, honesty, thought-provoking conversation, respect, information, memories, Halloween, nature, my favorite colors (pink and black), vanilla- and lemon-scented things, babies, the stars, and a well-written character-oriented speculative fiction book.
Things I hate:
Being addressed as "baby" or "hey sexy," accidentally consuming onions, having people talk to me condescendingly or dismissively because I don't believe or feel or value what they do, people thinking reading is for jerks, people exploiting the anonymity of the Internet to be dickheads, people refusing to accept that I don't want to pet their dogs, selfishness, disrespect, racism, homophobia, dishonesty, and terrible spelling.
Things I do:
Writing, singing, karaoke, baking, writing/drawing webcomics, DDR (which is Dance Dance Revolution, a dancing video game), making websites, making YouTube videos, drawing, doing arts and crafts, planting flowers/herbs, editing, arranging my hair in silly ways, organizing information obsessively, wearing two different colored socks, and talking a little too much. I'll give you some links to the places you can see me doing this stuff further down in the profile.
Things I am:
A WRITER, an artist, an eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan (figure that one out!), a childlike (not childish) person, an open book, a grammar/spelling nut, a soprano, a 70s baby, a woman of small stature, a blue-eyed light-skinned long-haired blonde, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a daughter, a sister, a polyphasic sleeper, and an aromantic asexual person.
Stuff on asexuality if you're curious:
I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and I am not trying to change that. It's a legitimate, mature, somewhat rare orientation that describes about 1% of the population. And "aromantic" means I'm also not romantically attracted to people. That's it!
Asexuality: An Overview: My video on the topic.
The Invisible Orientation: My nonfiction book on the topic (published September 2014 from Skyhorse Publishing).
My Articles: All my published articles on the subject.
Media Appearances: A complete list of my magazine interviews, TV and movie appearances, news/radio interviews, and speaking engagements.
Asexuality Resources: My mini-site on asexuality.
The Asexuality Top Ten: My YouTube series on the topic.
Letters to an Asexual: I read letters and address misconceptions.
My Best Asexuality Posts: My most memorable essays on asexuality.
As an aside, there's an unfortunate type of person who tries to "convert" me to being straight because he believes he is some exception. I promise those people who talk to me about my duty to give them a chance won't sound any more reasonable than it sounds reasonable for a gay guy to ask a straight guy to just *be open-minded enough* to consider going gay. Imagine how ridiculous it'd sound, straight guys, if a gay guy assured you you'd START being attracted to him based on what he'd do with you in bed. Then maybe you'll get an inkling of what I think when dudes (well, people, but yeah, mostly dudes) treat me like I owe them a chance. ::shrug::
Stuff you might want to know about talking to me:
I love to interact and hear others' thoughts on my thoughts, and I love to give my thoughts on others' thoughts. People have frequently described me (and being around me) as "refreshing." I listen, ponder, and communicate in ways other people are not used to experiencing. I was once told by a new friend that talking to me felt like an oasis after months of desert. Approach me honestly. I am an open book that can be read on several levels.
I appreciate humor. I like many different styles of it, but I don't like when people can't laugh or if they take themselves too seriously. I have met too many people who have to be treated with kid gloves to avoid offense, and I have no place for that in my life.
Curse words--even very disgusting ones--are okay with me, so don't censor yourself in private messages to me if you don't want to. That said, I think it's disrespectful to assume everyone's okay with it, so I keep my language irreverent but relatively clean until or unless I know I don't have to, especially in public and/or around children.
I am likely to be able to see layers of motivation in your actions. I don't make assumptions or voice my observations or view everyone pessimistically, but for better or for worse you can expect me to understand you better than you're used to being understood. In general I still want you to give me the words when we talk--I want to know that you have expressed your feelings and it is now okay for me to react to them outwardly--but it is probably only fair to let you know that lying to me will immediately diminish my respect for you (and I WILL notice).
That said, I still manage to see the best in people, and I react partly to who they want to be as well as who they are. I'm idealistic, optimistic, and "too" forgiving when it comes to other people, and sometimes this leads me to put up with more b.s. than I should. Truthfully, though, I don't think I'd have it any other way.
I am NOT a concise person. Character limits are my enemy. Sorry I ramble so much. I also think that in my attempts to be understood I have made my profile seem stodgy and, I dunno, crusty and crotchety. Please don't let the way I talk give you the wrong idea--I love being precise and comprehensive with my vocabulary, but it seems to make some people think I'm no fun. I guess you'll have to take my word for it that I'm not an overly serious whiner.
I've said I'm a creative person, but that becomes REALLY obvious when you talk to me or meet me. I am easily excited by silly things, enjoy doing kid stuff like jumping on the bed or eating the cookie dough, and I sing all the time. I'm a fan of pigtails, and will probably be disproportionately excited over something silly like a sparkly sticker. I'm not the kind of person who thinks drinking is required before the "fun" actually counts as worthwhile, but I find a lot of people think that means I'm avoiding it for purity reasons or some such nonsense. Au contraire! The important thing is that I don't like being drunk and don't believe you if you say I can't possibly have fun or "be myself" without alcohol. And even though I might want to talk about complex topics on here, I promise you that I will probably laugh just as hard at a stupid movie or a joke about poop. Yeah, I'm still about six years old.
I am a producer much more than I am a consumer. Writing is very, very important to me, and if given the chance I will create rather than browse someone else's creation. Though of course being a creator requires that one consumes as well.
I'm what I call a "binge" writer; I don't have a regular writing schedule of any kind, but when an idea grabs me and I decide it's time to write it, I do little else until it's done. (For a frame of reference, I once wrote a 155,000-word novel in 2 weeks, and once wrote a 255,000-word novel in 5 weeks.) If I am in writing mode, I may go under for a while and you'll only know why I disappeared off the face of the Earth once I surface and tell you so, but it doesn't happen THAT often.
Er, and . . . as you might've noticed, I'm NOT one of those people who says "Oh, I really hate writing about myself. I never know what to put in these things." I'm the opposite--I want people to know everything if they find it interesting, and I have very little to hide. I have EVERYTHING to say!