Hi everyone. I'm gonna put my disclaimer first for all the people who don't want to waste their time if they can't date me! Whee!
I do OKC for friends. I'm asexual, aromantic, and uninterested in an exclusive partnership--I just want cool pals. If you're looking at my profile because you're hoping I will date you or sex you, we are not what each other are looking for. We cool? Good!
I promise that I am exactly what it says on the tin, so don't complain if you bought it without reading the ingredients. I cannot be clearer than this. If you still cannot stop yourself from talking to me as if I am here for something else, I will need you to go sit in the sad chair.
This site's been awesome for finding like-minded people to talk to! I'd like to continue doing so, but sometimes the horrible background noise of people who feel entitled to romantic and sexual attention from me gets pretty loud and starts drowning out the good parts. I'd love to hear from potential friends who have something really interesting in common with me, especially other writers and creative types. Please give me a conversation that will start a mutually enjoyable exchange, not one that will feel like pulling teeth.
Just as a warning--which, to be honest, probably won't be read by the people who need to read it because they're responding to pictures, not profiles--I want to tell you that I won't respond positively or at all if you send me a one-liner (like "hey" or "how was ur weekend"). Same with messages that contain nothing but comments on my appearance. I don't care if someone believes it is a compliment that I need to "learn to take." Nope. I'm here to have conversations, and though I think my photos do show some of my personality, I do not care to talk to people whose primary reason for doing so is that they think I'm hot. (Even if it's hott with two t's. Seriously. Stop.)
I also will not respond positively to invitations to meet immediately, invitations to join "me and my girl" in a threesome, descriptions of private parts, snotty rambles about how my presence here indicates an interest in sex/romance no matter what I claim, asinine accusations of lying or trying to "get attention," and pointless advice on how to change my profile to be more attractive to someone I don't even want to talk to. Dude, if the wall of text scares you off, I promise it's for the best--in both our cases. This profile has been perfect for attracting the people I want attention from.
And of course the biggest dealbreaker for me in a message is if it contains zero personal content about me and has been pasted to forty other women. I can tell. Especially because every one of them claims I'm "interesting" or "cool" or "beautiful" or "so sexy" or "down-to-earth" or "fun," followed by information about THEM--nothing specific about me. It doesn't work. I know what you're doing. Our profiles are for talking about ourselves. Our messages should be for talking about us--what we have in common. Start a conversation.
And if your way of describing yourself includes "a laid-back guy who just likes to laugh and have fun," I am warning you: I hate fun. I hate fun so much. I am at Murky Dismal and Oscar the Grouch levels of fun-hating over here. So go ahead--send me a message about the stick in my ass or my clear need to get laid (by you), and I'll praise your originality and class and fall for your charms. You know, or laugh at you.
But surely you're one of the ones who is way too awesome to make me deal with that crap, right? So let's talk about you!
Ways to get sweet authentic interaction from me:
1. Say something specific about what you liked in my profile. ("I liked that ur hot" doesn't work.)
2. Have something kickass in common with me and be willing to talk about it in depth.
3. Be really rambly and wall-of-text-ish in a way that you usually have to apologize for with other people.
4. Have questions about something I do and want advice, perspectives, or notes-comparison.
5. Be willing to be a little patient for a response; sometimes I'm really overwhelmed and behind, but I WILL write you back if you're clearly the kind of person I'm talking about here.
6. Understand that OKCupid is a matching site, not just a "dating site." (If you don't believe me, look at where you sign up and choose "here-for" categories. People can be here for sex, for dating, and for friends. There are literally check boxes as you're making your account, and I'm not out to shame people who only check the "for sex" box as long as they're not trying to get that sex from me. I'm using this site in ways that are built into the preferences. Lectures on how NOOOO IT'S ONLY FOR DATING BECAUSE THAT'S WHY I'M HERE can GTFO.)
7. Having a high match percentage with me doesn't hurt. Neither does being most of the things on this list.
That's it! Not hard! If you're looking for friends and conversation partners too, or you're shopping for a mate but aren't planning to hit me up for it, AWESOME! Let's move on to the part where I tell you all the reasons why we should be friends instead of dwelling on the fart-gobblers who won't read this and will continue to message me based on my picture no matter what I do! :D :D :D
Things I love:
Art and artists, music, honesty, thought-provoking conversation, respect, information, memories, Halloween, nature, my favorite colors (pink and black), vanilla- and lemon-scented things, babies, the stars, and a well-written character-oriented speculative fiction book.
Things I hate:
Being addressed as "baby" or "hey sexy," accidentally consuming onions, having people talk to me condescendingly or dismissively because I don't believe or feel or value what they do, people thinking reading is for jerks, people exploiting the anonymity of the Internet to be dickheads, people refusing to accept that I don't want to pet their dogs, selfishness, disrespect, racism, homophobia, dishonesty, and terrible spelling.
Things I do:
Writing, singing, karaoke, baking, writing/drawing webcomics, DDR (which is Dance Dance Revolution, a dancing video game), making websites, making YouTube videos, drawing, doing arts and crafts, planting flowers/herbs, editing, arranging my hair in silly ways, organizing information obsessively, wearing two different colored socks, and talking a little too much. I'll give you some links to the places you can see me doing this stuff further down in the profile.
Things I am:
A WRITER, an artist, an eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan (figure that one out!), a childlike (not childish) person, an open book, a grammar/spelling nut, a soprano, a 70s baby, a woman of small stature, a blue-eyed light-skinned long-haired blonde, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a daughter, a sister, a polyphasic sleeper, and an aromantic asexual person.
Stuff on asexuality if you're curious:
I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and I am not trying to change that. It's an orientation that describes about 1% of the population. I'm also aromantic, which means I'm not romantically attracted to people. That's it!
Asexuality: An Overview: My video on the topic. Start here if you want the basics; it's kinda cute and funny while being educational.
The Invisible Orientation: A general nonfiction book on the topic. I wrote it.
My Articles: All my published articles on the subject.
Media Appearances: A complete list of my magazine interviews, TV and movie appearances, news/radio interviews, and speaking engagements.
Asexuality Resources: My mini-site on asexuality.
Letters to an Asexual: I read letters and address misconceptions.
My Best Asexuality Posts: My most memorable essays on asexuality.
Stuff you might want to know about talking to me:
I love to interact and hear others' thoughts on my thoughts, and I love to give my thoughts on others' thoughts. People have frequently described me (and being around me) as "refreshing." I listen, ponder, and communicate in ways other people are not used to experiencing. I was once told by a new friend that talking to me felt like an oasis after months of desert. Approach me honestly. I am an open book that can be read on several levels.
I appreciate humor. I like many different styles of it, and anything from sophisticated literary humor to juvenile fart-pee humor will probably get me laughing. Curse words--even very disgusting ones--are okay with me, so don't censor yourself in private messages to me if you don't want to. That said, I think it's disrespectful to assume everyone's okay with it, so I keep my language irreverent but relatively clean until or unless I know I don't have to, especially in public and/or around children.
I am likely to be able to see layers of motivation in your actions. I don't make assumptions or voice my observations or view everyone pessimistically, but for better or for worse you can expect me to understand you better than you're used to being understood because I really will hear you. In general I still want you to give me the words when we talk--I want to know that you have expressed your feelings and it is now okay for me to react to them outwardly--but it is probably only fair to let you know that lying to me will immediately diminish my respect for you (and I WILL notice).
That said, I still manage to see the best in people, and I react partly to who they want to be as well as who they are. I'm idealistic, optimistic, and "too" forgiving when it comes to other people, and sometimes this leads me to put up with more b.s. than I should. Truthfully, though, I don't think I'd have it any other way.
I've said I'm a creative person, but that becomes REALLY obvious when you talk to me or meet me. I am easily excited by silly things, enjoy doing kid stuff like jumping on the bed or eating the cookie dough, and I sing all the time. I'm a fan of pigtails, and will probably be disproportionately excited over something silly like a sparkly sticker. I'm not the kind of person who thinks drinking is required before the "fun" actually counts as worthwhile, but I find a lot of people think that means I'm avoiding it for purity reasons or some such nonsense. Nope. I don't personally like being drunk and don't believe you if you say I can't possibly have fun or "be myself" without alcohol. And even though I might want to talk about complex topics on here, I promise you that I will probably laugh just as hard at an absurd movie or a joke about poop. Yeah, I'm still about six years old.
I am a producer much more than I am a consumer. Writing is very, very important to me, and if given the chance I will create rather than browse someone else's creation. Though of course being a creator requires that one consumes as well.
I'm what I call a "binge" writer; I don't have a regular writing schedule of any kind, but when an idea grabs me and I decide it's time to write it, I do little else until it's done. (For a frame of reference, I once wrote a 155,000-word novel in 2 weeks, and once wrote a 255,000-word novel in 5 weeks.) If I am in writing mode, I may go under for a while and you'll only know why I disappeared off the face of the Earth once I surface and tell you so, but it doesn't happen THAT often.
Er, and . . . as you might've noticed, I'm NOT one of those people who says "Oh, I really hate writing about myself. I never know what to put in these things." I'm the opposite--I want people to know everything if they find it interesting, and I have very little to hide. I have EVERYTHING to say!