I am here for friends. Not "friends until we know each other better." Not "friends but let's see where it goes." Not "friends except I'm really only messaging women I'm physically attracted to." I'm uninterested in an exclusive partnership, the end, forever, and even after that. If you're looking at my profile because you're hoping I will date you or sex you, we are not what each other are looking for. We cool? Good!
I promise that I am exactly what it says on the tin, so don't complain if you bought it without reading the ingredients. I cannot be clearer than this. If you still cannot stop yourself from talking to me as if I am here for something else, I will need you to go sit in the sad chair.
I've been having a great time finding like-minded people to talk to! There are lots of interesting people on this site, and I especially like hearing from people who are creative or have interesting projects going on--this goes double if you're also a writer. Please send me a message with substance, though.
Stuff I don't want to respond to:
* Messages like "hey what's up."
* Short generic messages asking me how the site is going or how I'm doing or how my weekend/recent holiday was.
* Meaningless questions that jackasses think are quirky. I don't consider it conversation if you use an icebreaker from those terrible awkward party games.
* "Hilariously" deliberate violations of my expressed wishes.
* Messages that are nothing but a comment on the length of my profile or a suggestion that no one can be expected to read it.
* Any and all immediate requests to meet.
* Messages that insult other women in an attempt to compliment me (like suggesting most women aren't smart like me and you're impressed, or praising me for not wanting casual sex because you don't respect "sluts").
* People who say my profile isn't important because they just don't have time to read it or they think "chatting" is a better way to get to know people. (I'm not going to patiently chat with everyone who sends me a message when you can see from my profile that we want different things.)
* Messages that are exclusively physical compliments.
* "Advice" on making my profile better for people I don't care about talking to.
* Messages that just exclaim at the length/detail of my profile and claim to "like" it or "enjoy" it but then STILL send me no specifics.
* Sexually explicit or abusive messages (I get a LOT of these).
* And the copy-pastes. Please stop the copy-pastes. We can tell when you have swiped your openings from a website and then pasted them to 40 women.
Content. Content is key. If you send me a message that does nothing but introduce yourself and ask me how I'm doing, I will just delete it. Talk to me if you have something to say, and then say that thing.
If you tell me I'm "interesting" or "cool" or "beautiful" or "so sexy" or "down-to-earth" or "fun," followed by information about YOU--it's 100% clear that your message isn't for me. It's bait on a fishing hook and you don't care who bites. Our profiles are for talking about ourselves. Our messages should be for talking about us--what we have in common. Start a conversation.
And a special message for all the "laid-back guys who just like to laugh and have fun," I am warning you: I hate fun. I hate fun so much. I am at Murky Dismal and Oscar the Grouch levels of fun-hating over here. Fun is awful. Last time I had fun I had to take prescription medication to get over it. Offer me none of this fun! (Especially if you think "fun" is a clever euphemism for your genitalia! WINK WINK, WOW!)
But surely you're one of the ones who is way too awesome to make me deal with that crap, right? So let's talk about you!
Ways to get sweet authentic interaction from me:
1. Say something specific about what you liked in my profile.
2. Have something kickass in common with me and be willing to talk about it in depth.
3. Be really rambly and wall-of-text-ish in a way that you usually have to apologize for with other people.
4. Have questions about something I do and want advice, perspectives, or notes-comparison.
5. Be willing to be a little patient for a response; sometimes I'm really overwhelmed and behind, but I WILL write you back if you're clearly the kind of person I'm talking about here.
6. Understand that OKCupid is a matching site, not just a "dating site." Here-for categories are a thing, and the only one I checked is "friends."
7. Having a high match percentage with me doesn't hurt. Neither does being most of the things on this list.
That's it! Not hard! If you're looking for friends and conversation partners too, or you're shopping for a mate but aren't planning to hit me up for it, AWESOME! Let's move on to the part where I tell you all the reasons why we should be friends instead of dwelling on the fart-gobblers who won't read this and will continue to message me based on my picture no matter what I do! :D :D :D
Things I love:
Art and artists, music, honesty, thought-provoking conversation, respect, information, memories, Halloween, nature, my favorite colors (pink and black), cartoons, vanilla- and lemon-scented things, babies, the stars, and well-written character-oriented speculative fiction books.
Things I hate:
Being addressed as "baby" or "hey sexy," accidentally consuming onions, having people talk to me condescendingly or dismissively because I don't believe or feel or value what they do, people thinking reading is for jerks, people exploiting the anonymity of the Internet to be dickheads, people refusing to accept that I don't want to pet their dogs, selfishness, disrespect, racism, homophobia, transphobia, dishonesty, and terrible spelling.
Things I do:
Writing, singing, karaoke, baking, writing/drawing webcomics, DDR (which is Dance Dance Revolution, a dancing video game), making websites, making YouTube videos, drawing, doing arts and crafts, planting flowers/herbs, editing, arranging my hair in silly ways, organizing information obsessively, wearing two different colored socks, and talking a lot. I'll give you some links to the places you can see me doing this stuff further down in the profile.
Things I am:
A WRITER, an artist, an eclectic atheistic solitary Pagan (figure that one out!), a childlike (not childish) person, an open book, a language professional, a soprano, a 70s baby, a woman of small stature, a blue-eyed light-skinned long-haired blonde, an avid reader, a vegetarian, a daughter, a sister, a polyphasic sleeper, and an aromantic asexual person.
Stuff on asexuality if you're curious:
I have never been sexually attracted to anyone, and I am not trying to change that. It's an orientation that describes about 1% of the population. I'm also aromantic, which means I'm not romantically attracted to people. That's it!
Links (which might not work as links if you're on mobile):
Asexuality: An Overview: My video on the topic. Start here if you want the basics; it's kinda cute and funny while being educational.
The Invisible Orientation: A general nonfiction book on the topic. I wrote it.
My Articles: All my published articles on the subject.
Media Appearances: A complete list of my magazine interviews, TV and movie appearances, news/radio interviews, and speaking engagements.
Asexuality Resources: My mini-site on asexuality.
Letters to an Asexual: I read letters and address misconceptions. Mostly features me mocking my hate mail.
My Best Asexuality Posts: My most memorable essays on asexuality.
Stuff you might want to know about talking to me:
I appreciate humor. I like many different styles of it, and anything from sophisticated literary humor to juvenile fart-pee humor will probably get me laughing. Curse words--even very disgusting ones--are okay with me, so don't censor yourself in private messages to me if you don't want to--the exception being don't use slurs AT ME or to make bigoted remarks about others. That said, I think it's disrespectful to assume everyone's okay with it, so I keep my language irreverent but relatively clean until or unless I know I don't have to, especially in public and/or around children.
I am likely to see layers of motivation in your actions. I don't make assumptions or voice my observations or view everyone pessimistically, but for better or for worse you can expect me to understand you better than you're used to being understood because I really will hear you and believe you. In general I still want you to give me the words when we talk--I want to know that you have expressed your feelings and it is now okay for me to react to them outwardly--but it is probably only fair to let you know that lying to me will immediately diminish my respect for you (and I WILL notice).
That said, I still manage to see the best in people, and I react partly to who they want to be as well as who they are. I'm idealistic, optimistic, and "too" forgiving when it comes to other people, and sometimes this leads me to put up with more b.s. than I should. Truthfully, though, I don't think I'd have it any other way.
I've said I'm a creative person, but that becomes REALLY obvious when you talk to me or meet me. I am easily excited by silly things, enjoy doing goofy stuff like jumping on the bed or eating the cookie dough, and I sing all the time. I'm a fan of pigtails, and will probably be disproportionately excited over something silly like colorful shoelaces or a sparkly sticker. I'm not the kind of person who thinks drinking is required before the "fun" actually counts as worthwhile, but I find a lot of people think that means I'm avoiding it for purity reasons or some such nonsense. Nope. I don't personally like being drunk and don't believe you if you say I can't possibly have fun or "be myself" without alcohol. And even though I might want to talk about complex topics on here, I promise you that I will probably laugh just as hard at an absurd movie or a joke about poop.
I am a producer much more than I am a consumer. Writing is very, very important to me, and if given the chance I will create rather than browse someone else's creation. Though of course being a creator requires that one consumes as well.
I'm what I call a "binge" writer; I don't have a regular writing schedule of any kind, but when an idea grabs me and I decide it's time to write it, I do little else until it's done. (For a frame of reference, I once wrote a 155,000-word novel in 2 weeks, and once wrote a 255,000-word novel in 5 weeks.) If I am in writing mode, I may go under for a while and you'll only know why I disappeared off the face of the Earth once I surface and tell you so, but it doesn't happen THAT often.
Er, and . . . as you might've noticed, I'm NOT one of those people who says "Oh, I really hate writing about myself. I never know what to put in these things." I'm the opposite--I want people to know everything if they find it interesting, and I have very little to hide. I have EVERYTHING to say!