Obviously from some of the responses I have received, I have given men far too much credit for being reasonable, logical and having the ability to be able to tell the difference between dry humor and seriousness. So last warning--this is dry observational humor--as all humor is based on truth, and you aren't ready to laugh, then click on someone else's profile right now.
OK, here you go--now if you feel the urge to write me a long email arguing these points, please save your time and mine. As I do read and respond to comments, I'm not a dating coach, nor am I interested in your opinion, nor do I need to read about how angry and lonely I am--I am neither. This is a writing exercise for me-and having a profile keeps well intentioned friends and relatives who think I should settle down after my widowhood off my back.
If you are over 40 and you do not take care of yourself, unless you truly don't care that a woman is dating you for your money, then maybe a better site for you is sugarbaby.com
Those of us that are of a certain age and reasonably successful on here are on here, want to meet someone reasonable--intelligent, successful, happy, that we're attracted to physically and emotionally, not because we're desperate, but usually because we're too busy to date, or we do not wish to date through our work. We have businesses to run, we travel frequently, or we be on here because our friends and family are bugging us about being single and this is way to get them off our backs. What that means is--
1. We are not desperate--we do not need you to have a fulfilling life.
2. We are busy people--just like you--and we mean what we say, and say what we mean because we don't have time to play silly word games or have drama like 20 somethings.
3. The silly little texting games are the fastest way to blow it. If we give you permission to call--then call--don't text to see if its ok to call--we have a life--random texts from people we don't know don't cut it if we haven't met you.
4. If we ask you not to contact us further--then don't--unless you want to appear as a crazy person.
5. If we call you on the above..we're not crazy, or scary..we just don't have time to waste on people who don't get it. We deal enough with that in our work.
6. Life gets shorter for us every day--we have no time or desire for drama, games or people who do not have their act together.
7. If we reject you after you have done any of the above, put your big boy pants on and move on.
8. We are not angry--we know what we want--we know what we're willing to put up with. With age, the list of what we want gets a little longer, while the list of what we're willing to put up with gets infinitely smaller because we have learned from our youth.
If you actually want to date a woman of a certain age who takes care of herself, then you need to take care of yourself too. Seriously--none of us want to date anyone who is overweight and out of shape--even if you have millions of dollars in the bank...even the hardest golddigger will use you for your money and then keep something nice on the side--usually paid for by you.
Understand, that why you may want to relive your life and feel good about yourself from dating a 20 year old--she's only using you for your money, and after a while, you will be either extremely bored, or driven crazy by the immaturity factor.--unless you are a really damaged insecure man to start with.
Nobody does us like us--if you don't understand this statement, then you probably should be dating a 20 something who doesn't know enough about herself that you will seem like magic.
Don't write to us to tell us why you're not good enough in response to our profile, or to be witty--we don't want our email box clogged--and you are neither as witty nor as clever as you think and the lack of self esteem is just, well...sad. Remember, what works well in person, plays pretty badly in print.
Trying to start a family while you are in your mid-to late forties is cruel to your potential children--unless you're adopting older kids. Because by the time they figure out that you're actually cool, you will be dead and you will not be able to see your grandchildren.
Badmouthing your ex to us, especially when you have children, who share half the DNA of your ex, shows us that you don't really love your kids.
We are not your honey, beautiful, sweetie, lovemuffin, or any other endearment that you write to us in an initial email. We don't know you, have never met you, and therefore you are not entitled to use that familiarity and if you do--you've blown it. You may not ever be entitled to use that term unless we get naked with you, and even then...the use of it is questionable.
The excuse that I'm ashamed of being on the internet dating or I'm well known and incognito therefore won't post my photos or give you my number is generally a flag that you're cheating on someone or you have a highly inflated sense of self. It's the 21st century--get with the program, nearly everyone in the world is dating on the internet--with say the exception of 3rd world aboriginals (and 1st world aboriginals living in the Australian Outback). Also, if you have a Facebook page then anyone with the willing was to pay some money to mylife.com or any of the other info aggregation sites will already know you're on here even if you use an alias.
Don't date someone who does not have similar lifestyle interests--if you're in to veganism, patchouli, artistic and yoga retreats--don't ask a hard driving businesswoman who is into scotch, cigars, steaks, golf and dealmaking out--and don't be upset with her if she turns you down. She knows better than you that it won't work.
If you're really that deeply involved and attached to your political, religious, philosophical beliefs, to the point where you should either be on Fox News or whatever the extreme liberal network equivalent--then don't date someone who is diametrically opposed to you or anyone with any kind of common sense for that matter--all you're doing is looking for drama and a fight.
There is not a single woman that I know, including myself, that wants to date a man who is significantly younger than ourselves--media hype aside--because frankly, we actually want to be with a man--not a boy we have to teach or that needs a manual--not a guy who's putting notches on his belt--but a man preferably one who takes all night to do what he used to do all night.
If you are between 25-35, even if you have millions of dollars, you actually have nothing of interest to women over 35--unless they have self-esteem issues, in which case, you will eventually end up with a chick in rehab, or a mental health facility, or someone you're filing a restraining order against.
If you are over 60 trying to date a 40 something woman--Gravity takes it toll on you too..and in a lot of cases, it is not pretty. If you did not take care of yourself..better have millions of dollars--or hire a nurse.
Read our profile, we took the time to write it--don't email us and ask us to explain ourselves, our hobbies, if we took the time to explain everything about us in the profile. If you really want to get to know us, ask us out.
If you were raised by a single or divorced woman, who is pissed off at your father, work out those mommy issues before dating. We're sorry your mom took the divorce out on you or the fact that your father didn't know how to be a man or a father however..that's no reason for you to take it out on us.
We don't need Brad Pitt..but we want someone with good hygiene, that can dress reasonably well--if you don't know how to dress--go to The Gap--it's Garanimals for grownups, we also want someone that knows how to eat with their mouth closed and that can cook at least one meal that doesn't involve a microwave. We also want to be with someone that we know is not going to collapse from a heartattack walking up a flight of stairs or the half a block walk in the mall parking lot.
If you are over 40 and actually want to date a real woman, who, while she may not be Angelina Jolie, then behave like a real man, which means, no--we do not want to have long email diatribes with you. We actually want to meet. If we give you our number, actually call--preferably within 24 hours of us giving you our number--sooner is better--WE GAVE YOU OUR NUMBER--CALL. If you've no intention of calling, then don't ask for our number--unless you like having us think that you're complete jerks and again proving why you are single. DO NOT TEXT US, TO SEE IF YOU CAN CALL. If you're past the 24 hour mark, we pretty much know that you're not interested. So move on.
If you are not interested, just say so--we will move on.
Writing to us in text speak is not an enticement to get us to write you back. An educated woman is not going to rite 2 u this way...we don't want to read what u rite to us. No, we do not care about perfect spelling, however, a basic grammar and sentence construction is appreciated.
Do not send us an email asking us how we are. We know that you really don't care...get to the point already...If you want to meet us, make your case.
Over sharing in your initial email--Big Turn OFF!.
This is not a bar--I know it may seem like it, but there's a huge obstruction to communication--that being we're on the internet. We do not want to text you, email you..if we are interested, we actually want to talk to you on the phone, figure out if you're not a psycho, and then meet you. You can't tell that by reading someone's words. Particularly if you are a psycho--you probably write really well.
Same goes for the outrageous flattery and asking us why we are on here. We are on here for the same reasons you are...we are looking to meet someone to connect with or for the reasons stated above. If we had found this person, or we had flocks of men following us, or were even interested other than to appease social constructs put on us by friends and family, we wouldn't be spending our time on an online dating site.
If we are not interested, we will be honest and tell you--don't behave like a jerk and call us names because we're actually being kind in not wasting your time..you're just proving that there are reasons why you are still single (or in the case of a lot of you..divorced). If you blow it with us, by doing any of the above things, and we ask you to stop communicating--we really mean that..move on--trying to get the last word --just proves my other points.
Take some decent pictures of yourself. All you really need is a genuine smile and to be dressed reasonably well. If you don't know how to dress see my previous comment about The Gap. If you think pictures of you in a tank top, or half naked is appealing then really catch a clue. Honestly, while we are visual creatures just like you--we'd rather see the half naked pictures or the tank top pictures of you after we've decided to get naked with you ourselves first and believe us...the mystery of you is much, much better.
Shaving your chest is not conducive to us wanting to get naked with you. Just like we don't want to be scraped by your stubble on our face goes tenfold for being scraped anywhere else.
Pictures with kids that aren't yours, or your dogs in your bed, or your cat are not attractive--they're just weird. They tells us that you're trying too hard to show us that you're a nice guy and many of us have experienced the opposite.
Artistic pictures--unless you are a professional, paid photographer on par with Ansel Adams, Annie Liebowitz, or Man Ray--are also lame.
Pictures where we can't see your face, or you're wearing sunglasses--again, big turn off. Just like our pictures like that do nothing for you.
Business portraits are lame too...photos that are 20 years old, we can tell. The tube socks give it away.
Action sport photos of you are also lame, because they could be anybody.
Distance photos of you where we can't tell if its you--lame--
Don't contact us if you haven't taken the time to fill out your profile.
Don't email us asking us to chat on Yahoo Messenger, Hotmail Addresses or gives that line that you're out of town--we know you're scamming.
We honestly don't care about your bank account, or what you do, unless we're gold-diggers however, if you've been in the same job for 10 years, with no promotion--it's not impressive.
Coffee is lame as a first date/meeting. Lunch or Cocktail Hour is better.
Not shaving your beard is also not conducive to us wanting to get naked with you or even date you.
If you're just on here to try and get laid, be honest. Some of us are on here just for that too.
We don't care if you're bald, we only care if you're trying too hard to cover it up.
Pictures of you with your friends is not a good idea--from what I've seen, a lot of your friends are way better looking than you.
Pictures with other women draping off of you are also not a good idea..especially if they are really beautiful women, or dressed in scanty clothing..it makes us wonder if that's your ex, and why are you contacting us, or that you're really sleazy.
Hawaiin shirts, not a good idea, nor are the Mall Photos.
Pictures of you in a tux..we don't care--and often you don't look as good as you think you do.
Pictures of you at a baseball game, in front of a stand and repeat, at hollywood premieres, showing us how important you are, or how famous you are, how many famous people you know--Not impressive. Again, the only women who will care about that are gold diggers, actress wannabe's. If that's what you want to date, then great--state that in your profile. Quit writing that you want a relationship.
Pictures with you and your car, or motorcycle..or on someone elses car or motorcycle..not impressive. Neither are the travel shots in exotic places that you have only been to once in your life and are not planning on returning to.
We all like to travel. We have all been places--so what..You're here now..so what we really want to know is what you are doing with your life right now, what do you really honestly want in a relationship and do we have a chance with you if we aren't a supermodel? We want to be with someone who is happy with that they do, that we are physically attracted to, able to pay their bills, and have your baggage in a carryon that you can leave at the station.
Every single person wants to find someone to be with, bear that in mind the next time you are rude to someone online who takes the time to write to you and you don't respond. All it does is hurt someone's feelings, and show what a rude jerk you are--and demonstrates, yet again, why you are single.
If you have no intention of meeting, then don't bother to respond to someone who reaches out to you, other than to say you've no intention of meeting.
Be kind in your rejection. Saying we're not a match, or that your'e not interested is preferable to being mean to someone.
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