Find better matches with our advanced matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


27 F Bettendorf, IA

My Details

Last Online
Apr 6
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body Type
A little extra
Atheism, but not too serious about it
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Working on space camp
More than $1,000,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Has kids
Likes dogs and has cats
English (Fluently), Afrikaans (Poorly), C++ (Okay)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there. I'll tell ya how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to figure out what it is that I want in the end.
I’m really good at
Falling down, pissing in public, walkin like I'm stuck in velvet snow, throwing up, internetting, neat stuff you wish you could do but can't.

I can show you how to do-si-do. I can show you how to scratch a record. I can take apart the remote control, and I can almost put it back together. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem. I can tell you about Leif Ericson. I know all the words to "De Colores" and "I'm Proud to be an American." Me and my friend saw a platypus. Me and my friend made a comic book. And guess how long it took? I can do anything that I want.
The first things people usually notice about me
People usually think I'm autistic because eye contact with strangers freaks me out. I'm also pretty much socially retarded. Once/if they get over that, they realize I have ginormous buggy eyeballs and usually comment on how amazing my makeup is, because it really is.

Also, it has recently come to my attention that I have prominent wrist bones that, upon touching, implant in your mind the desire to snap my wrists. Please don't snap my wrists.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I do it for my health
Nobody feels me quite as much as I feel myself
Sub-funk from the aether, to pump through your speaker
Play, play fans you chose the wrong pot to piss in
You work for us, man. Here's your job description:
Love us more than anything in your life
We don't play games, drop names, pull strings or bite
Ask nothing of us save that which is practically beneficent
To you and your quest for complete self sufficiency
Choose the quickest way between two points
Don't waste your energy on bullshit interaction
Don't be scared of anything except letting yourself down
Out-do yourself, work harder than anyone else
... now
Make very clear distinctions between parasites and creators
Be a creator instead of a second-hand artificial flavor
Do not concern yourself with anyone's opinion of your methods, save your own
Be three steps ahead of everyone, I promise you'll make it home
Do not sleep too much,
Be firm yet supple, use me as a weapon, Max Normal flirts with trouble,
Put me on the front-line. I cannot be destroyed
You know the deal, anti-personnel spells get deployed
Make our music as available as possible,
the shit is d.i.y. So fuck with it if you feel you got the skill.
Do not try to be clever, rather direct and practical
Fuck fancy construct diagrammatical
The free-radical, lone hitman for hire
Power-hungry liars fan the fire
Treat people who do not understand what we do with the least amount of energy as possible
Live it, don't give in, be original, even when you aren't,
Make your mom proud
Take us all over the world, we like to travel
Steer clear of dead things you never know, you might unravel
Your hidden secrets, young descendants of Eve
Work the hardest at becoming entirely independent of me
Utilize me as you would a product, here comes the best bit:
Invent the future - then manifest it
Keep yourself in check, sir. Don't forget it, decide exactly what it is that you want
Then go out and get it without requiring anything of anyone
Spark something new that'll last forever

Don't go to them, let them come to you
Do not underestimate your value, start representing
When my mom send me into this world she sent a blessing
This job description could be translated as: how to manage an explosion
Stay invisible till you invincible then set your plan in motion
This is war, we battle demons, become the perfect assassin
Do not endanger the unit by being anything less than perfect
Channels are open, do not be afraid of this but notice
Stepping through these channels is dangerous
Corporate giants can't fuck with the link between our art and our clients
So come on, freak us out, be defiant and non-compliant
And above all things be honest, even if there's no end in sight
And know that I will defend this shit with my life
Have fun but know that having indefinite fun requires meticulous maintenance
I've been ridiculously inconspicuous but now I'm sick of the painkillers
I'm here to bring the pain, let us avoid stagnation at all costs
Step lively, do what you say, kick information that'll last
Know that I do not perform for people, I make music that I love
And it's wonderful to watch people in love
The six things I could never do without
In no particular order:
*beer kisses
*good conversation
*free internet
*bow ties (they're cool)
*toilet paper
*personality disorders
*employee discounts
*chocolate milk
*drain cleaner
*Capri Sun drawer
Oh, that was more than six? Call the cops, I don't give a fuck.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why my thoughts have a British accent lately, all the things I would stick my dick in if I had one, why Bob Ross won't return any of my emails. And of course, the undeniable link between schizophrenia and religion.
On a typical Friday night I am
Cruisin down the street in my six-foh. Jockin the bitches, slappin the hos.

After that, hangin out with my best friend in the ghetto while she works so she's not lonely. Yes, I'm that nice. And no, she's not a prostitute.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm old enough to bleed, I'm old enough to breed, I'm old enough to crack a brick in your teeth while you sleep.

I was gonna share about the time I was raped in the ass by a dude raging on meth, but I felt like that might be a little too private so I deleted it. Wait.........

Okcupid told me that there are no more questions for me to answer....

I answered all of the questions on Okcupid....

All of the questions....

All of them.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 23–33
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
Your asshole to nice guy ratio is 2:1, if you're not Bret Michaels, if you remember Big Bad Beetleborgs, and if your mode of transportation is bigger on the inside. And if you'd like to let me bum a smoke or two.

Or if you want a relationship like this:

Just copy and paste it, you lazy bastard.