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31 Austin, TX Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25–45
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Pansexual, Queer
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
Graduated from university
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs and has cats

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Cleveland transplant looking for laughs, new people, and babes. What follows is mostly dumb jokes and pithy self-descriptions veiled in drab, tired rhetoric and low-level solipcism.

My anaconda don't
unless you got
puns, hon.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Walkin' and fartin'.

Currently helping with kitchen operations at a particularly lovely seafood restaurant in north Austin. I'm a chef, and i genuinely love what I do. Makin' dat money to pay off dem billz.

I rarely use okcupid for anything more than quiet validation, when The Babes check meowt. Or trying to be funny.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Being right in the god damn way.

Staring uncomfortably until the silence is broken by a cacophony of wet, rippling farts.

Cats. It's a thing you can be good at.

The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The savage-eyed look of a grim mountain man and the smell of something feral.

"Excuse me, can you not…"
" gigantic, please?"

from friends:

"it's like david cross was hit with gamma radiation"

"you're a 300 level communicator"

"lotta surface area"

"your head is so fuckin' small"

her: "you know you look like you're always on the prowl, right?"
me: "like, 'animal hunting' prowl? or 'doing it' prowl?"
her: "both".


Ok so that last one was from my cat.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Fingering through various cooking/practical texts. I like short stories. O'Connor, Asimov, Gaiman, Poe. I've read a lot of seminal Poli-Sci books (Kingdon, Baumgartner/Jones, Alison/Zelikow, Peterson, Judt) and yet, now living in the south, I have yet to even touch V.O. Keys. Zinn is also a fave.

I'm listening to a lot of classical music right now. Or drone and death metal.

X-Files. Mulder and Scully are my husband and wife.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Two evil henchmen.
My colon.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Menus, what to do for my master's, white privilege, lgbtq rights, socialism, anarchism, the effect of social media on news cycles, will Ferguson be a focusing event for policy a la Baumgartner/Jones, sex, body-positivity, not shaving, my next work out, androgyny, sex again, how to be funny w/o offending anyone, when to be offensively funny, pizza.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working. Being an idiot.


So I'm looking for someone to just hang out with, walk around with, museum with, eat with, recreational low-level drug/booze with (maybe, iono, drugs are farts sometimes), people watch with, hang out in the chilly weather in sharp but cozy sweaters while drinking hot toddies with, fuck with, do stupid pet voices with, cook with, basic date things with. Nothin' too complex, I think.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm queer. Pansexual. I've been happily poly, and happily monogamous, and I'm down with both. Leaning toward monogamy, though, just a heads up.

I'm in Texas for the time being. I'm staying with my family to help pay off some debt, before I decide whether to stick around or head back to Cleveland.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If "they're, their, and there" doesn't appear in your profile. C'mon now, if that mattered, would you have *really* come to the internet for dating?

You wanna go to a derby match. A whole pile of my Cleveland buds are Burning River Roller Girls.

If you've got no hang-ups about dating a guy who (currently) shares the same kitchen with his parents.

You want to start a YouTube channel with me.