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39 Oakland, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–38
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Aug 27
Heteroflexible, Straight
5′ 9″ (1.75m)
Body Type
Mostly anything
Agnosticism, but not too serious about it
Aries, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from Ph.D program
Rather not say
Open relationship
Mostly non-monogamous
Has kids, but doesn’t want more
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am intelligent, educated, visionary, successful, and as modest as all hell. I work in policy and find pleasure in writing and acting. I have a dry sense of humour and eclectic tastes in music and entertainment. I discovered the Internet twenty years ago and haven't really left it since. I'm generally happy in life and I am looking forward to finding out where it ends up taking me.

I am idealistic, thoughtful, and driven (you used to have to choose three adjectives to describe yourself on OkCupid; they're now just editable text, but I guess still apply.) I'm INTJ and GGG.

UPDATE: Going to Burning Man for the first time this year.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work for a non-profit organisation advocating for digital rights, I am totally passionate about it. I moved to the Bay area for the job—for the previous five years I had a similar job based from Southeast Asia, which was also an amazing experience. I have written a book and edited a few more. I travel a lot for work and pleasure. When not travelling, I am probably fixing up my dream home. I used to occasionally do some acting for screen or stage for fun, and would like to have time to get back into that, as well as playing some more PS3 or RPG.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I have dabbled in everything: writing, acting, coding, stand-up, directing, composing music and photography. The results have been enough to make me happy, though whether I'm really good at any of them isn't for me to say. Today my boss told me that I'm good at holding a microphone. Well, I'll take that too.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Apparently I'm "fascinating". I'm not entirely sure why. Sometimes when they say that I feel like a particularly intriguing microbe being examined under a microscope. People often notice that I'm quiet and considerate, which is true but sounds boring. Once you get to know me, you'll find I'm actually anything but. I will spout on endlessly to you about the things I believe in, which are many, as I have a strong sense of fairness.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. I value having the knowledge, the technology and the legal freedom to maintain my own secure Internet presence without dependency on big providers or excessive vulnerability to snooping or censorship.

2. I value being in a relationship where I don't have to shut off or hide my potential attraction to others and in which jealousy has matured into compersion.

3. Even though owning a complete library of the media that I love will never be possible, there are some favourites that I will never part with or trust to a third-party streaming service.

4. Risk – I wouldn't have achieved most of what I have in life without taking risks, and would have regretted not trying. Also the board game.

5. My passport. I travel so much partly for work, partly for fun, and partly because there is no country that as much as I love it, doesn't also suck in lots of annoying ways (usually down to politics and/or religion); so travelling is my way of couching my loyalty.

6. Creative expression. I haven't had as much time for it lately, but without the ability to imagine and create, life wouldn't be worth living.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Where I might be in five years' time. I am optimistic, ambitious, and less risk-averse than most people. So three times I have left my job with nothing firm lined up to replace it, and so far it has turned out for the best - if not financially, then in terms of personal development. Money has never been my biggest driver; if anything, I suppose that achievement is: making a positive difference in the world.

I am what Americans would call politically liberal or progressive, but in a very practical way, so if your politics mainly involves naval-gazing about privilege/entitlement/intersectionality, that doesn't impress me much. Those who have worked for years in the developing world, as I have, soon find that this kind of armchair activism is incomprehensible and irrelevant to the world's most underprivileged and oppressed people, who are more concerned with things like access to safe and affordable food, water and medicine, freedom to practise their religious and policial beliefs, and securing educational and secure employment opportunities.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
wondering where the week went. I've never really been one for drinking or clubbing on a weekend (now finally I'm old enough that I have an excuse for that!). I'm not that gregarious; I prefer to socialise in smaller groups with people I know well. I might be doing that on a Friday night, but more likely I will just be at home, with my computer on my lap and perhaps the TV on. Never in my life have I gone up to a stranger and asked them out. The prospect is both foreign and terrifying to me. On the other hand, some of the things I have done will surprise and maybe shock you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I am happily married to comedychick (whom I met on OkCupid in 2005 - much of this profile dates from then). However we practice polyamory and as such we are allowed to date others, so feel free to contact either of us.

Some of the older match questions that I answered years ago may not reflect the above. If you find one, let me know. In fact if there's any question that you think I answered weirdly feel free to interrogate me about it. Even if I haven't changed my mind, I love an argument.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I lent you something and you haven't returned it. Give it back, you bastard.

If you can take some better profile photos of me. I'd be happy to reciprocate, I'm a decent photographer.

If you enjoy listening to an Australian accent.

If you are dealing with any mental issue such as depression, borderline personality disorder or bipolar disorder, or have in the past, please let me know. Although I have never had any mental illness several of my previous partners have, and although it is also not a deal breaker, it is something that it would be helpful to know because it is likely to affect the nature of any relationship that we may have.

If you do contact me, then please follow through. One of my traits is reliability: if I say I'm going to do something, I do it. So I would rather you didn't contact me at all if you don't plan to reply to emails or to meet up when you say you will.

Conversely, hopefully you'll agree that being popular or sought-after on OKCupid is no reason to be rude to people who contact you in good faith, even if you're not interested in them.

Have a nice day. :-)