I think that having things in common is overrated. I think what's far, far more important is that your neuroses don't clash. You're either going to find me pretty amusing or I'll depress the Hell out of you. There really doesn't seem to be a middle ground.

I enjoy terrible puns, riffing absurdly on over-literal interpretations of sentences, and imagining surreal motivations behind anything vaguely unexplained. I like music, movies, video and boardgames and other indoor pursuits. I'm fairly passionate about them, though, and will bore you with information pertaining thereto. I love technology and reading about science and history. I love going for drives and walks (not hikes). I have a truly excellent home theatre, but no-one to really share it with. I do absolutely kick arse at trivia though.

I play electric guitar very badly and have just started painting again a decade after design school crushed my spirit. I have some attempts at the start of a novel languishing in my Gmail "Drafts" folder. I have no dreams of success or significance, but I like mucking about for its own sake.

I should mention that I'm what's known as "high-functioning autistic". In my case much less "adorkable" than famous TV Asperger's closet-case Sheldon Cooper, and more prone to anxiety and self-loathing. I'm a bit routine-bound and have thirty black t-shirts and look exactly the same every day. I will tend to get slightly uncomfortable if asked to step out of my tiny, boring rut. I'm whatever the opposite of spontaneous is. I have sensory issues and get overstimulated in bright light, noisy places, wind and so on. I am socially awkward and oblivious unless I'm paying very careful attention, which exhausts me. I'm a cynic, curmudgeon, nihilist and misanthrope because I am vaguely aware of the rest of the human race and how on Earth could one be anything else in the face of that?

I work all day and then play computer games, watch movies or browse the web all night.

I'm also saving carefully for a home and hoping the market crashes so I can afford one.

Being a talented writer and artist and not finding any way to exploit either commercially, and therefore doing absolutely nothing.

What I realised about myself fairly recently is that because I read voraciously, my lack of genuine imagination was masked by technical proficiency and the obscurity of my sources. Whoops! Doomed to the very lowest-end of the commercial art spectrum.

I think I'm fairly threatening in appearance to most people. Except old people for some reason, they seem to see through it.

Does anyone read these? You're culturally literate if you got this far, we live in the same overarching, global, media-based culture and we're really not "quirky" "special" "individuals", so we probably like the same stuff if we've experienced it.

Favourite Movies
I'm a sucker for good sci-fi and black comedy. Dumb action gets a pass if the characters are likeable.
Blade Runner, Bad Santa, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles, Brazil, Dazed & Confused, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom, Alien, Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Ladyhawke, The Iron Giant, Ghost in the Shell, Wallace & Gromit, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands, The Big Lebowski, Raising Arizona, O Brother Where Art Thou?, The Die Hard Movies, The Last Boy Scout, Grosse Point Blank, The Unbelievable Truth, Outland, Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, The Incredibles, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse Now, E.T., Short Cuts, Secretary, Withnail & I, The Addams Family movies

Favourite Music
I tend to favour dark, fairly monotone stuff, often from the 80s.
Swans, Einstürzende Neubauten, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Tom Waits, Scott Walker, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, My Bloody Valentine, Gustav Mahler, Franz Schubert, Joy Division, The Cure, Cocteau Twins, Slowdive, Bethany Curve, Diamanda Galás, PJ Harvey, a-ha, Lush, Autechre, Aphex Twin, Third Eye Foundation, The Birthday Party, Arvo Pårt, Coil, Test Dept., Godflesh, Antony & The Johnsons, Ludwig van Beethoven, David Bowie, Curve.

Favourite Books
No, I have not read all these authors whose names end in the letter "I". I prefer sci-fi and satire. I'm over flaunting critically revered guff, I prefer entertainment.
Snow Crash - Neal Stephenson, Neuromancer - William Gibson, The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien, The Gormenghast Trilogy - Mervyn Peake, A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole, The Discworld Novels - Terry Pratchett, Gulliver's Travels - Jonathan Swift, Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, The Church Mice Books - Graham Oakley, The Name of the Rose - Umberto Eco

Internet messaging, my music collection, earplugs, sunblock, hot baths, and pepper steak pies.

I believe this falls under "the most private thing I'm willing to admit" section.

At home, drinking alone in front of my massive TV and speakers.

I think there's a good chance I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

...any, or multiple of the following apply:

You enjoy crafting spiteful opinions about things.

You are absolutely sure you don't want kids.

You don't think you are Amelie because you like Amelie.

You don't use "quirky" as a likeable, catchall way to describe your vintage dress collection, retro nerd specs and artisanal cupcake habit.

You don't use "geeky" as a likeable, catchall way to describe your vintage dress collection, retro nerd specs and artisanal cupcake habit.

You have a barely suppressed desire to punch Zooey Deschanel.

You do not think orange is a viable skin tone.

You think uptalking is a modern scourge.

You think people who write "I love having fun" in their profiles should be shot. Me? I hate having fun. What a chore.

You can laugh at my utterly bleak world view. I laugh at it.

You're honest about your age. I will gladly date older women, but please just be honest about it.