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32 M Houghton, MI

I’m looking for

  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 20–40
  • Near me
  • Who are single

My Details

Last Online
Jun 6, 2013
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Other, and very serious about it
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Working on university
Art / Music / Writing
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Has dogs
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am married now. Sorry ladies! The last of the drinks have been served for the night (metaphorically wise) I am looking for people that might want to do things together as friends. Specifically out door stuff and gaming like dungeons and dragons (my god! I miss that game). But please read on, as I'm keeping this profile up as a cemetery marker to my once "single" status. I hope you enjoy the epitaph.

As with any sort of report; as this is a facsimile of, I outline the general direction of my profile with this short thesis of what I followed while writing for this site:

It should be lengthy enough to seem substantial yet concise enough to feel breezy. It should be serious, but with a slight wink. It should lay out a new course of direction, but one that could change direction at any moment. If you must mention facts and figures you must not do so directly. The general thrust should remain embedded in one's mind forever but specific words should be forgotten the moment they are heard. It should contain nothing that can't be confirmed or denied.

That being said: Please enjoy!

I havent really gotten any replies so I'm going to just write what I want. I wear black most of the time. I used to own a trenchcoat. I love my beard and probably wont cut it till I can wear it like a scarf. I am an artist but prefer to be called a media engineer. I like sushi but have trouble trying to manipulate the chopsticks with my clumsy american fingers. I'm very into art and I can spend hours by myself painting.

If you want to see my art you'll have to ask very nicely.

It was suggested to me by one of my friends that I have at least one serious part to this profile. Here are the things about me that I guess a prospective significant other would like to know: I'm good at cooking (best recipes: red chile pecan pie, cheesecake, alfredo sauce, butter cake, fondue, and homeade focaccia bread), Love to hike, good at playing with children and animals, can paint you a picture, and Im not as bad as I make myself out to be. And I should also put that I'm looking for a longterm relationship. I believe in loyalty and trust.

Just for an extra level of sarcasm I will now write about myself as if I was the complete opposite of who I am now:

My name is Raul. I have a huge home; a mansion really! It's in the suburbs of chicago. I hold many important positions around town such as lead toaster at the local gentleman's club and honorary pastor at my episcopal church. My real job though is playing the stock market, I'm currently invested in many high-end ventures that keep me busy most of the time; that's why I'm always on my cell phone or using my blackberry bold 9000. I have no time for games emotionally. If I want what I see, I'll come right out and take it. I try to carry around at least one thousand dollars all the time; I dont really worry about it, money's no problem with me. All the wives I've had at one time or another have been super models (I fully suggest having one of those wrapped around your arm when you walk into a trendy bar, right guys? Ha Ha). Don't really have many hobbies. I'm a jogger, work out pretty often; otherwise I guess I would just be watching football or news on the TV. Maybe I'm riding around in my corvette. Just depends on the day I guess. I can tell you what I wont be doing; I certainly wont be reading, reading is such a bore, only artists read; and trust me: I HATE artists; those filthy bohemian creatures, makes me cringe every time I think about it.
I even get upset when I see one of my many children finger painting. Sometimes I've had to slap crayolas out of their hand so I would'nt have to watch them exercising their creative urges. Enough about my hate for art.
Some of my personal heroes are Tony Robbins, Billy Graham, and Bill Oreilly.
I have a fine knowledge of wines and more specifically what caviars they go the best with. I never drink water unless it's from a glacier in Greenland.
I want a relationship based on How I want you to be. The woman I'm looking for has to be submissive, take orders without question, and will speak only when spoken to (any geisha's out there?). The body dimension of the woman I want to find will have to be 32 24 32, anything more or less than that will just make me Ill every time I look at you, and I just can't handle that. Thanks for reading!!!

Yeah, I'm the complete opposite. Also, it's fair to probably tell everyone out there that artists age a little differently than everyone else. An artist year is about half of a normal persons year. You might be wondering why that is: An artist is not respected until they pull a Basquiat and dies of a heroin overdose at the age of 27 after living a fast paced, explosive, bipolar, and interesting sort of life (it's the only way an artist is going to get famous!). That being said; technically my age is 27, but artistically it's about 54. What this means for the prospective girlfriend is no less than 2 birthdays per year and perhaps 3 if I've handled a lot of paints.

Now; as if I was talking to a psychiatrist!

(The patient sits down. I turn down the lights)

psy: So, tell me what's bothering you.

Patient: I don't know. I'm wondering why I put myself into this situation, you know? Why I even put anything on this site about myself?

psy: Why did you?

Patient: Perhaps boredom, boredom mixed with loneliness I guess. But you know what happens when you try to write about yourself on the internet, how everything that is you in real life is distilled down into a couple fragments of what you think other people want to hear. You try to perfect yourself on the internet, but I have flaws, a lot of flaws.

psy: Expand on that idea, you know; about your flaws.

Patient: I'm an introvert, that's never helped. Think about it; you start your life in crowded classrooms full of screaming students. It's an introvert's nightmare. I've lived my life in my mind so my social skill's are kind of lacking.

psy: So you've never had friends?

Patient: If I need any I paint them. It's the only thing I know how to do.

psy: That's a good joke! You are joking, right?

Patient: Kind of.


psy: Lets get back on track, shall we? Why do you think you've always been shy? (Patient seems upset that this question was asked)

Patient: I don't know, Ive never thought of it. I'm one of those people that look at other couples kissing, or holding hands or something and instead of trying to find a girlfriend I kind of just let it get me down, you know? A glass half empty kind of guy. I know I need to change that attitude, but it's hard. (Patient is visibly distressed)

psy: Why do you let it get you down?

Patient: Probably it's mostly jealousy, every guy must feel that though. I keep telling myself "Tomorrow" it never comes around, and then you just give up, you know? Maybe it's because women are still a little intimidating to me. As Borges said: "One can always sense the presence of the ocean or women." Women are like that. I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. They're presences are so immense. No man knows the safest spot to build a dock for his boat on an island he knows nothing about, even less about what the weather's going to be like when he sets out into that ocean with his shoddy little boat he's constructed out of banana leaves. I don't know what would happen if it starts to leak midway out. Would I just watch the leak get bigger? Would I try to plug it? I dont know. I guess what I need is a storm to rush me out to sea so quick that there's no hope of reaching shore again, a sea that I could happily drown in. I guess that's love right?

psy: That was quite the analogy; has anybody ever told you that you have quite a way with words?

Patient: Not recently (laughing). Thank you.

psy: Well; I think that's a good stopping point for our fist session. How about a week from now?

Patient: Sounds good doctor. I'll see you next week.

(Session ends)

Postscript: The patient seems reluctant to talk about his feelings, must find out why. At least I got him talking though.
I can already see the tendencies for at least a dozen disorders he may be dealing with. His self deprecating humor seems to be hiding a large inferiority complex (next session I will try to draw this out more). The intelligence he exhibits might also be a factor that exacerbates his tendency to shyness and a need to depend on his art so much. An interesting case nonetheless.

Lately Ive had this suspicion that I may not be real at all. The people that I do tend to hang around all have such detailed histories that it makes me believe my more undeveloped memories may just be implanted in me. If anybody in this world is real, it probably isn't me. I'm a spectre, an undeveloped ghost in this world full of intertwining personalities, a vaporous mist seen most often floating between the snow white, gold leaved pillars of society only to disperse and disappear when approached by people that don't know me.

"reason is the illusion of reality" so when you're reading this I would prefer you to be completely unreasonable. Send me emails that say I'm completely crazy; that I'm utterly illogical. Your karma will be rewarded for it and we may become friends.

"My existence is from you, and your appearance is through me.
If I had not appeared would you have existed?"

Think on that for a while.

I am somnambupossiblistic, amazingly astute, and powered by love.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
right now I'm probably so in debt with all my school loans that I'm going to have to run to Mexico or Canada and assume a new identity. Otherwise I go to public places and sit in the corners and draw people while they aren't looking so that I can later transpose their faces onto the bodies of illustrations of animals, I also eavesdrop on them if I get the chance. sometimes I intentionally leave books on benches hoping that someone might read it and expand their mind. I like to write haikus on the stall doors in mens bathrooms. I'm also currently learning chaos magic. I'm also working on lucid dreaming (which has really opened some doors of perception that I've never known about). Ive also become somewhat of a vegetarian, I cant even look at hamburger now because I get sick. (Edit: Now it's become hard to look at a cheeseburger because I want one so bad; this may change later) Tofu is a weird substance but oh so versatile. Currently it's all about college right now, my fingers are itching to get back to the metals and printmaking studios. I know that the processes involved in these art forms are making me age at an exaggerated rate, so that's why I recently invested in a machine that suspends me upside down for no less than 2 hours a day. Very currently I'm specializing in knowing where every single book is in the rooms I shelve at a local bookstore here in las cruces. If anybody wants to find a book on a new hobby that they can pursue like doughcraft, flower cookery, or underwater modeling; well, don't be afraid to ask.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
as the women tell me: I'm good at looking creepy, being a depressing bastard sometimes, reading poetry out loud, thinking perverse thoughts, listening, giving weird; but sometimes useful advise, being nice, relating to animals, finding a beauty in the warped, lifting heavy objects, cooking, making art, finding weird websites and videos on the internet, using my hands, talking about all my bad qualities before I even touch on the good, running through forests half naked and making people think they've seen Sasquatch, leering at inanimate objects, starting conversations with sentences like "You wanna hear something really creepy?", chatting with middle age men online while posing as a beautiful 18 year old brunette named Ginger only to destroy their hopes in the worst ways possible, getting crushes on women that I can never meet like:

Nadia Bebber; a 1950's student that was the leader of a gang in Italy called the .22 calibres. My heart dropped when I saw her picture in the crime book I was reading.

Jennifer Connely; after I had watched Labyrinth I felt as if my heart couldn't recover from the shock of seeing her. I would have given anything to be Hoggle.

Any girl that looks remotely like Betty Page; I dont know what it is about that look. I like the hair, and the confidence, and whenever I see a picture of her I can't help but think its an angel caught on paper. I suppose it's ok if the women that I hang around with don"t really look like Betty Page, but if you're looking for a serious relationship with me you better be willing to talk about extensive plastic surgery so that you can look more like Betty Page.

Right now I am also quilting; quite a nice hobby. My fingers are as nimble as a cat thanks to all the textiles I'm involved in. I'm the surrogate son of most of the grandmas at the local yarn shop.

I also seem to be very good at making online dating personals way longer than they ever should be. For this I do not apologize, it is your fault (not mine) for reading this far.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I look like a bohemian homeless man that hasn't had his schizophrenia meds for a while. Maybe that I have a Haitian voodoo symbol tattooed on my forearm. Also that most of my shirts have holes in them from casting experiments. I'm hairy. I usually smell like kerosene or some other sort of carcinogen. I'm always wearing birkenstocks. I have trouble driving because I'm always looking at trees, street signs, homeless people, institutional buildings, anything really. Also about half the things I have on my body are all from people that have passed on that I have found at estate sales. My glasses are radioactive, and I have a collection of plastic Jesus statues. I always carry around a tape recorder just in case I hear a really good cell phone conversation. And of course my beard which is now big enough to hide things in(and I have on a few occasions). My beard; I can talk for days about my beard.

A profile for my beard:

My beard (who I will refer to as Legba) likes walks late at night. Legba just likes the way that moonlight glints off broken shards of smashed tequila bottles. Legba also likes the wind (as the owner does not due to allergies).
Sometimes on especially windy nights Legba likes to pretend he's on the bow of a sea vessel watching a lonely, twinkling lighthouse fade into the mist.
Legba is a romantic. He loves the winters, but hates the summers. Loves the fresh air and is morbidly afraid of soup. Legba is a dreamer often overlooking what's in front of him so he can stare at a light in the distance (his owner's not that much different). He has a fear that no one likes him, but still sticks around due to a certain feeling that he has to stay true to himself. If you want to message Legba just send a message to his owner and your message will be relayed back to Legba. The owner promises not to peek.

Thank Allah that that's over, right?

Speaking of Allah, there is a branch of Islam that is called sufism. In this branch they live with the grounding that it is Allah's will to live and die every moment. I have tried this and found that I do not die and rebirth myself every second of the day. I actually die during the first moments of the day and try to be reborn but just end up staying dead through the remainder of the day while I try to mentally feast on the brains of the people that know me and make them feel the way I do. Undead.

I'm trying to change this.

I also use a lot of quotes in my conversations (as I have learned that the way to sound smarter is let others do the talking for you). I enjoy memorizing ones such as:

"The public and I know
what all school children learn.
Those to whom evil is done
do evil in return."


"Let us kiss, and give that kiss a score,
and to that twenty add a hundred more
turn that hundred into a thousand, so kiss on
to make a thousand a million,
treble that million, and when that is done
lets kiss afresh, as if we had just begun."

and one of my personal favorites:

"Love knows not it's own depths until the hour of separation."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
favorite books: Breakfast of champions, fight club, any alternative comics like ghost world, jimmy corrigan, or black hole. Just anything thats weird or politically fueled sort of like clockwork orange, or 1984. I've really been into Thundersqueak by Ramsey Dukes. It has become a kind of bible for me. I read and write a lot of poetry, and I've actually done some small scale self publishing. I also have a whole bunch of hollowed out bibles that I like to put things in like scraps of hair, leaves, vernacular photography, and notes with my secrets on them.

favorite movies: I really like zombie movies. Some of my favorites are Undead, Dead Alive, Cemetary man, and Day of the Dead. Other movies that I like are The rocky Horror Picture Show, True stories, One hour photo, and pretty much any type of cult cinema like army of darkness, and El Topo. I'm for the most part a reader though; I usually can't make it through a movie unless I'm cuddling with the woman that's watching it with me, or if I have a bottle of jack to talk to during it. I also have a great collection of old drivers ed scare films. I also like to go to thrift stores to find all the videos without titles and then take them home to watch them in a darkened room with a martini in my hand and a small dog in my lap.

favorite music: I listen to alot of electronic music like Boards of Canada, DJ Shadow, and Aphex Twin. I'm also into underground rap like Sage Francis, and sole. I will listen to anything except pop music. Recently been into the Postal Service, and TV on the radio. Other music on my player:

Gary Numan, Devo, The jonestown death tape, goldfrapp, Deltron, audio books, MC Hawking (NERDCORE), acoustic remixes of Mario songs.

favorite food: I love Italian food, but its hard to find any of it around here that is decent. I have actually become a pseudo-vegetarian. I will still eat seafood if given the chance, but have sucessfully gotten myself off meat such as beef, pork, and chicken. I have no ethical problem with eating human flesh but finding a place that sells it is somewhat of a hassle. Lately I've been eating the leaves off random trees around where I live and keeping track of the effects they have on my body, so far I'm still alive; but unfortunately a horrible shade of yellow.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. My power bracelets. Great for superhero work, and much quicker than a superman costume in the phone booth.

2. My secret information satelite. My enemies are many, and alas I am but one man. I would say that my satellite is my only true friend. It's name is Robby.

3. David Hasselhoff. His music videos have given me so many hours of joy.

4. a dictionary. It's vital to my career as a media engineer that I know how to belittle people with my extensive vocabulary.

5. Christianity. Not for the reasons you would think of.

6. Shelving. No reason should be needed. It's just so functional. And I'm just happy that I have a place to put all my smoking monkeys.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The disconnect between people due to technological advance, my own unconceivable mortality. Humanity and what it means to be human. The possible overthrow of the government. The reasons behind what the government does. Secret institutions of Illuminati control. The political and religious ramifications of the bar coding of human beings. Chemical recipes for bombs. Philosophy of science. Why the cuts on my hand won't heal. How to make the granola recipe I know even better. How the unexplained might be tomorrow's undiscovered sciences. Where I can get more paintings for collage work.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Probably in my room finger painting. I have recently been reading a lot. I also tend to crochet with steel. Maybe I'm painting some high heeled shoes for the women I know. I also do a lot of extended meditation breaks in front of my smoking monkey shrine. I might be out at one of the cemeteries here in town doing some EVP research. Maybe I'm reading something by Borges. Maybe I'm staring into a black mirror, or designing a power symbol. I could also be speaking in a muted tone of voice to my tattoos.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I might be slowly going insane, or getting saner depending on how you look at it. I have chased the white rabbit down the rabbit hole and found a place that looks a lot like wal-mart with the spandex clad mothers telling their Ninos and Ninas not the pick that candy off the floor. Also, I'm very shy, always have been. I remember that in kindergarten I used to hide under the tables so I didn't have to talk to anybody. I am one of those guys that is tremendously afraid of asking anyone out. My brother brought his girlfriend over one day and she said to him that I was the shyest person she had ever seen. So you might have to be the one to message me if you're interested.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
First off. I am married and I'm only keeping this profile up in the chances that somebody out there in houghton would like to get together as friends. I would love to be able to play Dungeons and dragons again, and also hiking is another big thing. Please feel free to message me if you are looking for a friend as well in this town to do stuff with.

you want to talk to a guy that hates sports. Would go to art galleries. I'm also very interested in ghosthunting so if you know any hot spots around southern NM I would be very interested. I'm like a dog, I can sit and listen for a long time to anything, trusting and loyal, and I don"t need much in return, maybe sometimes a pat on the head, or a walk around the block. I would say that you should message me if you're tired of looking at guys that love sports, cant keep their eyes off other women, Spends more time working on a sports car than looking at you, or endorses a local sports team. I can go to a museum and not get bored within ten minutes, or watch a documentary and actually have a insightful conversation right after, or be able to keep my eyes above the neckline when talking to a beautiful woman. Also: if you know anybody that you want to keep tabs on my hourly rate is 20 dollars per hour and a free six pack to watch their house at night (nobody's going to find a cheaper price than that). Also if any woman out there wants to challenge me to some arm wrestling!. Also if you know what the term "self deprecating type of humor" means.

Update: you can also message me if you are an older widow (70 plus) who needs a virile young man to do some yardwork, feed the birds, or satisfy you in any other way. All I require for these services is my own room, some vegetarian food, and a weekly allowance (art money). Willing to do anything, really I AM.

I can say truthfully I'm proud of the way I look. Constantly wearing secondhand clothes, beard swept to one side, grimacing at children, and smeared with paint. It's taken a lot of practice to look this bad and it would be nice to find a woman that appreciates it. Think of it this way:

The worse I look the more beautiful you become.

and remember:

The moving pen, having writ
moves on, nor all your piety, nor wit
shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
nor all your tears to wash away a word of it.

perhaps you need more convincing when it comes to messaging me? I've included these testimonials from former ex-girlfriends.

This man is the best product I’ve ever used. I can see a dramatic difference in my skin. It really does reverse the signs of aging. Now that I’ve found it, I cant live without it! –Nita F.

I have, and will continue to recommend this product to anyone needing a new roof. Thank you for providing a quality product to homeowners. -"Satisfied Customer in Conroe, TX

Because of its flexibility, its versatility, and its rich spectrum of capabilities and because at least its more elementary capabilities can be quickly learned, this product plays a critical role in helping us achieve our goal of graduating physics majors who have substantial skills in using computers to pursue their studies. -Susan P.

Seriously though; message me if you want to talk. I've never had much luck with this site and I think I'm taking a break from actively seeking out a signifigant other to spend more time with the one cruel mistress that I've always been able to depend on: Art.