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theconquerorworm

28 M North Aurora, IL

My Details

Last Online
Jan 13
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 0″ (1.83m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on university
Job
Transportation
Income
$30,000–$40,000
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and has cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
I've lived a lot.

I've been on my own since I was 16. I've lived in nearly a dozen states and I've been homeless and I've got more crazy party stories and weird life stories than any ten other people. I've worked everywhere from sex shops to comic shops and I can do endless stupid tricks with a forklift because I just got bored enough to learn them. I will talk your ear off. I wear my heart on my sleeve and will tell you intensely personal and heartfelt things on a whim because I like to think the best of people, even though I know better. I am a genuinely happy person because life can be unhappy and there needs to be a balance; you shouldn't let it bog you down. I am TERRIBLY ENTHUSIASTIC about telling anecdotes and I will love you forever if you will sit down and listen to me (or if you at least have a very convincing "pretending-to-listen" face). I try very hard to be a good person, even if the term "good" can be somewhat ambiguous. I'm also a hugger.

I'm stable when it comes to the serious things and wicked fun to get absolutely ripshit with when it is time for unserious things.

Lastly, 100% liberal and never, ever going to change.
What I’m doing with my life
Pretending I am a functional adult and enthusiastically telling everyone all of my terrible anecdotes.

And working nights. Up all night, energy drinks all day. Sleep when dead. Yes.

It is also my end goal to have my life resemble those Sam Adams beer commercials. They just look so damned happy.
I’m really good at
pretending I know how to play guitar

depending on the day, I may also be pretending I know how to play bass
The first things people usually notice about me
The beard and the plaid.

I look like I should be selling paper towels.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
you don't actually have to like anything I do

authors: The same authors everyone my age likes. There are no surprises here. Vonnegut, Bradbury, Sedaris, Bukowski, Gaiman. Caitlin Kiernan as well, although I suppose she is less well-known than the others.

comic books: I like Warren Ellis writing about things he hates.

movies: Jurassic Park. I sometimes have dreams where Jeff Goldblum talks to me about chaos theory in his soothing nasal tone.

television: Whisker Wars. I want a beard like that.

food: Tacos, artichoke, pizza, sushi, fries, pub fare. Coke Zero, the blackest of all Cokes. I am also fairly certain I am putting the kids of the 5 Hour Energy folks through college.

music: My heart is in metal. Death, black, grind, doom, post, prog, thrash, trad, that djent thing, pretty much anything that isn't power metal. My CD collection numbers well into the thousands. I also have a healthy appreciation for other styles, but I know where my home is located.

I love jazz, industrial and floaty, ethereal indie rock, too. And whatever Portishead is, I like that.

I come from a very musical family (grandpa jammed with Django Reinhardt and taught music at the university level, dad was a blues musician, bro was a guitar teacher), so I'd like to think I can appreciate most styles.

It is not necessary that you like any of the same music I do, but I would like if you were open to it, occasionally. Especially since I play very loud instruments and you're going to hear them, eventually, should we hang out.
The six things I could never do without
-gummi foods
-booze
-pointy guitars
-black metal
-good sex
-places that will deliver questionable food to half-naked drunk people at a very late hour and not judge
I spend a lot of time thinking about
making poor life decisions
On a typical Friday night I am
making poor life decisions, but with enthusiasm and passion
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I fall a lot. This is not my fault. Gravity is just not my friend.

I have fallen from:

-an overpass (I slipped on ice and upended over the guard rail in the middle of the night and landed on the highway below)
-a third floor balcony (two, actually)
-a rock quarry (you can probably guess which one)
-two full flights of stairs, consecutively (I hit a wall after the first flight and bounced down the next)
-a rocky outcropping roughly two stories above a beach
-uncountable grassy (and sometimes not so grassy) hills, one of which was done while riding an old office chair
-a receiving dock made for semi trucks
-the roof of a chain restaurant (while inebriated, duh)

will continue to update list as I continue to get hurt
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 21–32
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends
You should message me if
-you are a night owl
-you are not flakey or otherwise full of shit
-you want to hang out and make terrible decisions with me
-YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO ME TELL YOU STORIES (very enthusiastically)