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31 Baltimore, MD Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends

My Details

Last Online
Oct 16
6′ 1″ (1.86m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Pisces, but it doesn’t matter
Working on Ph.D program
Rather not say
Relationship Status
Seeing Someone
Relationship Type
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), German (Fluently), French (Fluently), Ukrainian (Okay), Russian (Poorly)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Brace yourself, this is going to be an.. ..eyeful? It's a lot to read. Mostly because I'm so awesome that it won't fit into five sentences, but also because I just fucking won't shut up.

I'm very happily involved with my lovely girlfriend, Chaiamante. We're still casually hanging around the site though. Can't ever have enough interesting friends!

I like words. In fact, if you let me, I'll stack two to four adjectives or adverbs in front of every even mildly content-bearing word I say or type. It probably doesn't help that my handling of those adjectives' meanings is, err, rather liberal. Native English speakers tend to think I don't know what I'm talking about and proceed to kick me in the rear - trust me, most of the time I (think I) do.

My Myers-Briggs type is STFU.

I pretty much breathe sarcasm and (mostly half-assedly bad) jokes. It's rather rare that I'm serious, and when I am it usually means that I'm thiiiiis close to messing up something important and have decided to do what the situation actually requires instead of searching it for some hilarious angle to exploit for teh lulz.

I speak with an accent that is a weird mix of faux (pretentious! yay!) British, my sort-of-native German and subconscious assimilations of speech-related habits of people around me. In fact, I sometimes (unintentionally) pronounce "can't" as "cohn't" because Chase on House MD does. I like him. Snooty-seeming blond guys should be cut more slack. I'm also known for speaking in ebonics, although I look like I really, really shouldn't. And as if that wasn't bad enough, I'm pretty fluent in lolspeak and terrible memes; to a degree that has me considering engineering a device that'll clone me just so I can punch myself every time I announce to do something in a bossish manner. It's a little sad, yes.

Biographically I was born in Ukraine, grew up in Germany, lived in France for a bit, had a very brief Edinburgh shunt and now attend grad school in Baltimore. Spent two summers in San Francisco for added awesomeness. If you're up for doing strange things in Baltimore or DC, involving me in regular running or climbing activities or just want to message, mail or chat, hit me up!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Living it to the fullest!! Argh, who am I kidding. I have no life. I'm a PhD student. I try to escape that by the occasional run or climb.. ..emphasis on trying.

In a way, I work with languages. It's something I absolutely love, and I keep a list of languages that I have to get around to learn. One day.

My grand plan in life is to become a sell-out. I don't care what I'll do in the slightest as long as it entertains me, keeps me on my toes, and evokes some manner of passion in me (and, pretty please, doesn't make me hate myself). I do, however care for acquiring the means to do things I want to do, go places I want to be and have things I want to own..

..and be surrounded by the people I love. All living in one big house, dropping wit and falling over crap someone else left on the floor (all that scored with canned audience laughter and - for emotional moments - carefully selected, mainstreamable indie music). Choose your ideal family form: [x] Sitcom.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Procrastination. Being silly, in good ways, and in bad ways,

Accidentally becoming a cliché.

Listening. Talking. Writing insanely long emails (and profiles,
apparently), none of which anyone ever really reads..

..I'm actually serious, and if I have written you, chances are
you've just found yourself staring at a rather incoherent (but
hopefully funny) 3-page behemoth of an introductory message. I'm
pretty verbose like that. Don't be scared. Also, I like being
responded to (validation, people. warm, fuzzy ego-soothing
validation). If you don't respond, I swear my resolve will dwindle
and I will move on to something like "'sup, nice rack, wanna chat."
And you don't want to be responsible for that now, do you?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Probably my shiny headphones. They are my way of being a flashy bastard.

Then the serious face and impeccably disinterested behavior. Don't be fooled, I'm just being reserved and sneakily observing you.

Apparently I also stand like an anime character, whatever that means. One of my resolutions for this year: more standing on skyscraper roofs with my effortlessly flamboyantly done hair in the wind. If you have a heliport, please write me.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I don't keep lists in my head, so here's some random stuff:


I'm very particular about style, language and storytelling. For
instance, I liked the Harry Potter books, but despised Artemis Fowl
for the writing. Star Wars books (and the likes) are not books to
me, but mostly re-packaged toilet paper. I have read Dan Brown when
I did a lot of flying about and I'm ashamed of it.

Some books/authors I like: The Picture of Dorian Gray, Young Lions,
H.P. Lovecraft, Lem and the Strugatskys, Mankell


I mostly like to go see fun movies. I like epic stuff, ridiculous
action, Hugh Grant movies (I know, I know), Keira Knightley and
movies that clearly don't take themselves seriously. They still
have to be well executed. I am perpetually disappointed by movies
that don't live up to the trailer, and that's most of them. A lot
of the Hollywood screenplays make me want to fly over there and
beat those people up for producing scripts that a five-year-old
could have written better (you should read Axe Cop, you'll see what
I mean). Dubbed movies cause me physical pain.

I liked: Amelie, The Royal Tenenbaums, Lucky Number Slevin, Casino
Royale, The A-Team, Love Actually, Woody Allen and that rug that
really tied the room together.

Yes, The A-Team made that list. If you can't enjoy a band of idiots
parachuting a tank you have no heart. No. Heart.


I used to be a rock person mostly, also liking well done beat-heavy
stuff for dancing. Then I acquired something people tend to refer
to as "taste."

So now I like electronic and indie stuff, too. However, I am also
not ashamed to admit that one of my favorite music styles to go
dancing to is probably best described as "very, very gay." I'm a
self-taught and thus utterly terrible dancer, and I like it. I'd
dance while sitting in my chair and working if someone were to play
the right music. Sometimes that someone is me.

I like: Blonde Redhead, Metric, Roxy Music, Bryan Ferry, Pink Floyd
and a huge lot of other stuff. Some of it I can't name and some I
don't want to put on here because I think lists of 50 indie bands
are kinda silly.


I like almost any food. My favorite is probably a mix of various
mediterranean cuisines. I had a traumatic run-in with pumpkins and
am very cautious around them. Sushi and mochi: so good. So very,
very good.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My friends.
Tea, or lately, coffee.
Associated, my tea maker (The Count of tea makers - it has a neoprene jacket!).
My laptop (so shiny!).
The park outside my door. juice?
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Things I needed to do last week that I have forgotten about and that are now rising from their grave to kick me in the nether regions, hard.

Why the cool part of town inevitably is semi-filthy and demi-sketchy.

How the Republicans consistently manage to have more overall voters than they have senators and how this makes me want to row back to the Old World in a barrel of pickles.


A life of gentlemanly crime.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
It varies, really.

..telling everybody I need to work only to end up wasting my time on the internet or chatting with friends.

..have a fit of panic and actually work (this only happens when the stars, deadlines and my advisor's iron fists all align into the so-called oh-fuck-I've-done-it-again-haven't-I constellation).

..out, eating pizza at Iggie's with my advisor (and all-around awesome dude) and friends. We BOOB (Bring Our Own Booze) and usually end up degenerating into staring contests and terrible work-related dork-jokes.

..hanging out, slumping on the couch, watching a movie.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
A minimum of six espresso shots a day, and I'm not even noticing it any more :/
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Please have an impeccable taste in music (especially be up-to-date on who sold out and sucks now), but don't you dare actually make music yourself. You must love faux polaroid iPhone apps, wear very tight pants, pointy grown-up person shoes you clearly stole off a pointy grown-up person and plaid shirts exclusively. Also, I expect you to have a beard. Plus, obviously, glasses that in any other place and time would make you voluntarily gouge your eyes out upon catching a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Tattoos a plus.

If you're not a hipster. Ugh. Hipsters. I hates them!

Actually, I'm very much interested in getting to know new awesome people. If you're down with witty banter, fun hangouts and such, hit me up!