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28 F Los Angeles, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 5
5′ 6″ (1.68m)
Body Type
Libra, but it doesn’t matter
Relationship Status
Relationship Type
Doesn’t have kids

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My self-summary
I'm a smart creative. I like the weekends and I like wandering around. I like making breakfast and the use of apostrophes in text messages. I like trying new foods, taking new routes, and finding things off beaten trails. I make trails. I'm a runner. I like learning rules and knowing when to break them. I'm compassionate by nature and I have a dry sense of humor.

I frequently forget my wallet.
I expect my doors held.
I lie, cheat, and steal.
I carry ninja stars in my pocket for my common fits of jealous rage.
My dog matches my outfit.
My shopping addiction has ruined my credit.
I'll sleep in a hotel if I see a spider.
Beer tastes gross.
I'll drag you to anything starring Jennifer Aniston.
I consider myself a boring person.
I'll pinch my nose at your cigarette smoke and then ask for one later.
I'll complain 94% of my waking day.
I hate laughing.
I double park my car at every opportunity.
I talk on my phone while ordering coffee.
My dietary restrictions are written in 3 thousand page volumes (What to Eat, What Not to Eat, What to Criticize Others for Eating)
My love can be bought in 3 easy payments (plus shipping, handling, and my intrusive mother).
My personality can best be described as 'abrasive'.
Baseball is a waste of time.
Dudamel makes me yawn.
I can't see past my judgements of others.
I only make friends for my own advancement.
I have no soul.
I'm generally not interested in what you do.
I will not hold the elevator.
I'm mean to waiters.
California doesn't swing blue or red, everybody knows it's golden.
Motorcycles give me panic attacks.
I look nothing like my pictures suggest.
Most past relationships have restraining orders.
My nickname is 'Catfish'.
I eat with my mouth open.
I am entitled to (blank).
I take candy from babies.
The predominate color in my apartment is pink.
I'll exaggerate my yoga practice.
Who's Wagner?
I laugh at the expense of others.
I will most likely crash your car.
I'm a sloppy drunk and fastidious with my abuse of substances.
I don't have a conscience.
People describe my voice as 'shrill'.
I'm always late.
My boredom is depressing.
I've got zero personality.
I have no desires or ambitions.
I don't share chores.
Fresh air makes me nauseous.
Your friends will wish you'd never met me.
Sometimes my humor doesn't translate.

I only like pickles chopped up in tuna salad.
I only like gin with pickle juice.
I have no desire to add gin to my tuna.

I hate the word 'random'. There. I said it.
What I’m doing with my life
Managing endeavors. Finding parking spots. Negotiating solutions. Making lists.
I’m really good at
Making people feel (un)comfortable.

Carrying a conversation.

Painting my nails (really fast).

Listening to stories/Telling stories.

Puzzles (the jigsaw type and others, too).

Making something out of nothing.
The six things I could never do without
Water. Headphones. Espresso. Spotify. Punctuation. Jameson.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Where is the nearest exit?
On a typical Friday night I am
Out. Or in. Sometimes around.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm fascinated by hoarders.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 27–40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
1. If you want more than a pen pal.

2. If you've got your shit together. (Mostly).

3. If you actually get that 90% of this profile is bullshit.

4. If you're an astronaut cowboy. Period.

*note that these are not ALL requirements.