I'd claim to be a nice guy, but that would be a lie at this point in my life. I am honest, brutally and blatantly honest. There is a fairly good chance that you won't like what I say when I speak my mind. And I do, in great length, whether you want me to or not. I will pick fights over comic books and movies, bitch about how they are ruining the next remake of any childhood memory.
If you have a question for me, ask. I used to be shy until I stopped giving a fuck what others thought about me. but remember that you should not ask a question if you are not ready for the answer with me. I won't sugar coat something or try to protect your feelings.
Some people have it all figured out, others pretend to. People like me openly admit they haven't the slightest clue in this life.
At this point it seems that driving an Airboat for tours in the everglades is going to be it. Honestly, never saw that coming.
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
If you can't see the humor in these following lines, you won't like my sense of humor. In fact there is a good chance you will detest me. This is a normal feeling.
"I think fisting should be called upper-cunting!"
"Snootch to the motherfucking Nootch!"
"You get me slapped with a fine. You pick fights with the customers and I have to patch everything up. You get us chased out of a funeral home by violating a corpse. To top it all off, you ruined my relationship with Veronica! What's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank? "
"EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donell, but if somebody said "I got a tape of Rosie O'Donell getting fucked stupid" I'd be like "Why the fuck aren't we watching that right now?"
"One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck up his ass. True story. He bought it at our local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all, but next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with another trip to the emergency room. So, I run into him a week later in the mall and he's buying another cat. And I says to him, "Jesus, Walt! What are you doing? You know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too. Why don't you knock it off?" And he said to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy. "
"I don’t understand why girls masturbate. Just call! We want to help you in your time of need!"
"I always pictured "You Only Live Once" meant you should go out and experience as much of this world as you can, pushing yourself to be the best possibly and making the most out of every circumstance. Because, after all, we only live once and our time on earth is precious.
When in reality, "yolo" is code used by girls to let everyone know they do anal."
"Yolo" is "Capre Diem" for retarded people.
"Carpe the Diem...... Seize the...... carp!"
"I will flip you like a pancake"
"It's not the size of the boat, it's how big your dick is."
"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
"I am Groot"
"I've never actually been 'Friend-zoned', I'm just a fucking coward when it comes to asking a crush out."
"I would give just about anything to disappoint you for a night."
"I hate when people say the best way to someone's heart is through the stomach or some bullshit like that when the obvious answer is through the ribcage."
"Have you ever realized that most movies pre-2000 would make no sense if cell phones were available?"
"Whoever said being well endowed got you laid is a fucking liar!"
"At this point I don't think love is real because statistically someone should’ve been able to put up with me by now."
This is yet another one that if i made a list for it would take for ever, i worked in a book store for crying out loud..
Movies: Sci-fi, horror, action, comedy, pretty much anything that peaks my interest at the moment.
I would make a list here to but it would take hours to just comply everything and we all know I don't love you guys that much. So if you want to know, then ask..
TV Shows: Anime, cartoon, discovery channel, sci-fi. And if you ever suggest I watch any type of Reality TV, I will have to castrated you..
Music: I'm a former-DJ, Though rock is my genre of choice I will give any genre/artist/group/song a chance before telling you it sucks..
2. My extremely vast knowledge of random movie and TV quotes. Which I will use and be disappointed that you didn't catch them.
3. The ability to ruin any moment with nerdy awkwardness. Or any awkwardness for that matter.
D. My self build computer because not even a televangelist rapture could part me with it.
%. The ability to see all situation from every fathomable angle.
π. My self entitled sense of geekdom. I am the User-fragged Grand Poobah of nerds.
Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.
Saving your virginity is bullshit. You don't save yourself for the one. You practice for "The One". Work on it, get it right, get some skill. There are 7 billion people on the earth and you manage to find the one, you better have some fucking skill to keep them around. You can't let them get bored, they're the one, you let them get away, you're fucked. Virginity is gone in a second, but fellatio lasts a lifetime.
Organized religion is the original troll. Personally I have always been against organized religion. Not saying having faith is a bad thing, but the concept of organized religion in modern day society is insane. If I tell you a I believe in a Giant fire-breathing lobster that lives behind the rings of Saturn and his name is Jibbers Crabst and everyone looks at me like I'm insane, but tell people you believe a man walked on water and turned water to wine and no one bats an eye.
I have a super power. I defeat idiots with logic.
If you don't know any of the following people, there might be a problem.
Gordon Freeman, Chell, GlaDoS, Thrall, Malfurion, Arthas, Illidan, Link, Zelda, Cloud, Sephiroth, Aeris, Squall, Rinoa, Zidane, Garnet, Deckard Cain, Commander Shepard, Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Pikachu, Raiden, Sonic, Professor X, Wolverine, Phoenix, Spider-Man, Hulk, Captain America, Iron Man, Dr. Manhattan, Rorschach, Night Owl, Naturo, Ichigo, Monkey D. Luffy, Splinter, Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo, Kirk, Picard, Marty McFly, Doc Brown, Alex Murphy, and a number of other Fantasy/Sci-Fi characters.
P.S. If you can't handle me at my Andy Dwyer, you don't deserve me at my Star Lord.
P.S.S. I've been single for about 9 years now for various reasons, jump to whatever conclusions you feel like. But don't worry, you'll forget about me soon enough.