I suppose I can't escape this self-summary situation. I didn't really feel like doing it just now, but there seems to be no way around it... So:

Who am I?

I'm a dude of the tall variety. I like to think I'm pretty funny and equally as smart, if not moreso. I went to college for a long time, changed majors on multiple occasions and then, by the time I finally did graduate with a degree, I stumbled directly into a field that has nothing to do with that course of studies.

So now, I get to watch the accumulated knowledge of all those years in school erode on a daily basis while I continue on in my maddeningly successful-- perhaps moderately is a better word at this juncture, but hey, success nonetheless-- career in film making. Indeed, I'm currently on hiatus from the long, boring lifetime of work that was staring me in the face at the end of my long, esteemed college career. I had a thorough, well-thought out plan and then I simply abandoned it. It's working out so far.

To give you understanding of my personality without actually talking to me, think about this for a second...

If Shake from ATHF and Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia had a steamy night of 'toon-on-dude action, I could be their love child. Obviously if they were my parents, I wouldn't have lived this long... So throw in a little responsibility too. If Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire got involved in the what-have-you and somehow all three men's DNAs got mixed up in the baby-making process that would probably get you in the right neighborhood... Less of a cup-like body, no straw-like protusions and less cross-dressing, obviously. Not sure who would carry me either, but they would raise me as a triumvirate ... Like Tom Selleck and Steve Guttenberg and whoever the third guy was in 3 Men and A Baby.

Only this would be funnier... because it would actually be funny. That movie? Nope. Look, I know you liked it when you were younger. We all did. Things change.

Look Who's Talking, however? Still holds up.

Anyway, I think you get the picture... the weird, if not horrifying, picture.

I like sports and music and movies. I particularly love football and comedy.

I don't like coffee. Not even a little bit. I drink tea, not because I like tea (I don't), but just to rub it in the face of coffee. In fact, I'm going to list tea as an interest just as a family-sized fuck you to coffee.

tea

Now I feel like I should apologize to tea for putting it in the middle of all this.

I'm not a particularly spiteful/vindictive person and I don't hate a lot of things... but fuck coffee. Hot chocolate and I are OK. Tea, I'm sorry.

I say fuck frequently. I will say anything to anyone if I think it's funny and I don't apologize for jokes. I think it sucks all the power right out of them. To quote Jim Norton, "If you're offended by comedy, feel free to roll around in barbed wire with Magic Johnson."

I'm an honest dude. I don't like liars. I'd rather drink coffee than lie to you or have you lie to me. Not for any sort of high-arching morality or fundamental belief in truth, but because I'm a big proponent of boiling things down... putting the black and white back into this gray world. Yes or no. Lying complicates. It does to my life exactly what I strive to avoid, which is introduce stress.

I don't believe in stress. At least not in me having it.

I do the same thing with headaches. When I was 17, I stopped recognizing headaches as real. Sounds strange, I'm sure... but it worked. Stress operates similarly. I believe in the power of choice. If you will it, it is no dream.

In any event, to summarize the summary, I've done some things. I've lived all over the country and this is the new chapter in my story of stumbling into whatever I can trip over... not because I'm clumsy, but because it's more interesting than watching where you're walking.

In general, whatever I feel like.

At this moment, I work in film.

Arguing, writing, playing guitar, backyard football, G&E, telling stories... uhh... I'm sure there's more.

My height... often my t-shirts say something silly on them. So there's that.

Catch-22, The Jungle

The Big Lebowski, Dead Poets' Society, Office Space, Beyond Re-Animator, A Clockwork Orange, Ghostbusters, Caddyshack, Platoon, Leon: The Professional, Spies Like Us, Reservoir Dogs, many, many more.

The Office (UK), Black Books, Dexter, The Tudors, Ren & Stimpy, Arrested Development, It's Always Sunny..., South Park.

Cursive, The Killers, The Blood Brothers, Say Anything, Grizzly Bear, Lil Wayne, Al Green, The Dead Milkmen, T.I., Glassjaw, John Coltrane, Kaddisfly, Led Zeppelin, Jay-Z, Nada Surf, Queen, Bob Dylan, Smashing Pumpkins, Tupac, Soundgarden, The Violent Femmes...

I'm not in love with food. People think I'm a picky eater, but it's not that I won't eat anything, it's that I don't particularly like most food. I'd rather eat pizza or a burger everyday because I actually like these things.

I don't use salt and I don't put dressing on salad. Maybe I just haven't found the right food? I'm not sure.

Music, my health, friends, football. That's pretty much it. You can have the rest.

How strikingly inaccurate my personality profile is...

I'm not sure what the deal is... somehow I'm 28% cocky and -16% confident. I guess that could sort of make sense if you reaally explain hard... but it feels like a stretch to me.

Also, 13% violent? What the fuck? You go on one tiny little rant about how you don't like coffee and suddenly you're a violent person?

Suffice it to say, I question the validity of some of these user-submitted personality indicators...

Out or in. Depends on my mood. My socialness fluctuates. I like to be able to hear and be heard. That qualification withstanding, I'll go pretty much anywhere.

... you can show me some part of Connecticut or New York or New Jersey or wherever that I would never find in my own stumbling about.

... you like to laugh with, at and around others and be laughed at yourself.

... any of these words piqued an interest.