Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Here's the rub.
A couple of months ago I almost died from my appendix bursting. I
was just lucky enough to be wheeling into surgery as it happened.
If I had been a little bit later then the odds are decent I would
have been pining for the fjords.
That's not a great story I realize. Honestly it's a little bit
boring, but bear with me here. There's a point I promise. And here
Let's. Just. Fucking. Get. A. Drink. Already.
I'm lucky to be here. You're lucky to be here. This world is pretty
fucking shitty sometime, but there's a lot of cool stuff out there.
Not just like opera and art and all that high brow shit, but also
comic books and Mario Kart and graffiti and butt plugs and
cocktails and weird notes you find in the parking lot.
Almost dying didn't make me less lazy or even a better person. It
has however made me a little bit more straightforward about certain
things. And one of those things is how much time I want to spend
being pen pals on the internet with people I don't know in real
Ain't nothing wrong with it. It's just that I would rather get
drunk and make out on the Staten Island ferry. Or share some shitty
jokes in person. Or get coffee, have a nice polite conversation and
then never hang out again. Or do some weird sex stuff and watch
something on Netflix.
You know? You feel me? Do you pick up on what I'm saying? Cole me
down on the panny sty?
I mean take yourself for example. You're pretty cool hopefully. You
read cool books, you have friends, if a small kid makes a face at
you then you make one back. You've been to weddings, funerals and
seen tiny babies less than a week old. You've fucked up, done good
and did that one awkward thing years ago that you still cringe
You might have moments of doubt that normal people might call
normal introspection, you might feel less in control of how your
life is going than you like and maybe you have a list of shit you
need to do that's pretty long, but all that shit aside you're
pretty confident in the fact that you're pretty fucking
You're a fucking adult. You actually have a non vague answer if
somebody asks you what music you listen to, you know how to put
your ego in check for five seconds before saying something and
you've been to BRUNCH. You've been to fuckin' brunch and talked
about grown up stuff with people who wore something nice to meet
you. Holy fucking shit.
This ain't SNICK. This ain't Clarissa Explains it All or
Roundhouse. This shit is real life and right now at this moment you
are sitting in front of your computer staring at advertisements for
human beings. It's kind of weird. Not too weird, but a little
weird. It's a lot weirder though if you think somebody sounds cool
and you don't shoot them a fucking message. What was the point of
Do I not sound like a fun person to hang out with? Then god speed
with your OC travels and I hope you find somebody cool to meet. Do
I sound like somebody you would want to hang out with?
Then.... let's just fucking get a drink already.
Why the fuck not?