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thisisegregious

29 F Mountlake Terrace, WA

I’m looking for

  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 20–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:57pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 4″ (1.63m)
Body Type
Full figured
Diet
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Often
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Pisces
Education
Two-year college
Job
Hospitality
Income
$30,000–$40,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Internet strangers told me that my profile sounded "cocky" and that I'm "trying too hard", but my brother said "Fuck them, they don't fucking know you. Self-deprecation is for the weak." So fuck you, I'm awesome! Hahahaha! Just kidding. About the "fuck you" part. The other part's true.

Seriously though, this section is balls. I've been on here for a while and I've had a lot of different self-summaries and they're all bullshit and it's just...lame. So here's what I'm looking for. I want someone who's wicked smart, who likes to read and enjoys discussing politics (preferably Libertarian and not the jerks-off-to-Ayn-Rand kind, but the wouldn't-that-be-cool-if-we-were-all-in-charge-of-our-own-lives/success kind), who's both goofy and witty, but also someone who's charming and well-mannered, someone who wants to fuck me all the time and drink scotch and go out to the range, someone who's country enough that they don't think mucking stalls is beneath them, but could still just as easily go out dancing with me or go to a ballet or take in a metal show or even just stay in and have a RockBand Underpants party, someone who wouldn't think it was childish to go to the beach to build sand castles or have a Nerf gun war, someone who communicates how he's feeling and what he wants and doesn't need a ton of provocation to do so, someone who doesn't confuse being nice with being vague and who realizes that honesty is always a good policy, someone who's introspective and emotionally aware of himself, someone who's rational but at the same time compassionate, someone who's ambitious and has goals, even if he hasn't reached them yet. What I want will tell you a lot more about me than I could in some stupid self-summary.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Growing my hair out.
Working on my fitness.
Working at Jiffy Lube and trying my damnedest to make the car maintenance process less painful and more sexy.
Making my way through college so I can become a master mechanic and get rich and have a swimming pool IN MY HOUSE.

I'm currently in Port Orchard for a bit. My school adviser back in Vancouver gave me advise that was...really shit, to be quite frank, so I had to pack up and move up here. With my Papa. In the woods. And not awesome let's-go-for-a-hike woods, but cold, miserable, only-fungi-and-tweekers-thrive-here woods. So that's less than ideal. But I am collecting myself and rallying the troops for round dos. Family's pretty important to me and I don't want to miss watching my nieces grow up so I think I'm going to stick around the area and eventually move to the other side of the peninsula. I totally just spelled that as penisula, lulz.

*UPDATE* Jiffy Lube is no mas. Living up in Mountlake Terrace. Digging this side of the water. In the market for a J.O.B. I'm charismatic as fuck and I'm wicked sma't. Who wants a new co-worker?

**UPDATE** Just got hired on working for Google! Like a GD boss...
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cooking. I can make damn near anything.
I'm not super good at it but I enjoy carpentry and I've built some pretty awesome stuff.
I'm fabulous at giving massages.
Being kind, I'm usually sweet to everyone, even people I don't like (no that's not two-faced, it's called being a grown-up). Unless you're a dick to me or I see you being a dick to someone else, then I will tear your ass up.
I'm an awesome listener, not just a waiting-for-my-turn-to-speaker.
Being non-judgmental. Mostly. I'm judge-y as fuck when someone's stupid or an asshole.
Balancing chemical equations in my head.
Finding excellent music.
Looking shit up on the internet.
Absorbing complicated information, analyzing it, and then breaking it down into layman terms. That particular quality has made me incredibly popular in college.
Pausing the game so I can memorize my Fatality move and then fucking it all up by doing a GD high kick.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
"Your voice is fucking adorable."

I have yet to meet someone who hasn't commented on my voice. It hasn't really changed much since I was about 13. I think I sound incredibly young but I'm told that when I'm being more serious (especially when I'm explaining something) my voice drops a bit and gets more sultry. Lots of people, dudes especially, comment on my glasses. 'Cause they're rad. I have weird speech patterns. Especially for a white kid. So if you can't date/hang out with someone who answers the phone "What it do, niggy?" you should probably stop reading now 'cause I do that. I'm also likely to tell your ladyfriend she has "nice stems." I use words like "loquacious" and say random shit in Spanish. Mierda al azar.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
So I had lists and then I was told that lists are fucking boring and paragraphs are the way to go but now this shit is just crazy long. If you don't read it, I won't be mad at you. Like for real not mad. Not fake not mad where I say I'm not mad and then in five years I'm all like "YOU DIDN'T EVEN READ MY OKCUPID FAVORITES!"

Books:
I fucking love books. I will read anything. I've read the Twilight series. No shame. Okay, maybe a little. My favorites, however, include Smile, You're Traveling by Henry Rollins, The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien, The Long Walk by Stephen King. I have probably over 300 books at least. Lots of Classics, quite a few text books and a few series. I love anything that has to do with abnormal psych. I prefer books that challenge my perspective and make me learn something about myself, but I have no qualms with getting down with some Hunger Games.

Movies:
I love the Star Wars Trilogy, grew up on it. As a kid I really liked Return of the Jedi the best but now that I'm grown I prefer The Empire Strikes Back. Step Brothers is my favorite movie ever. I adore the Ocean's Trilogy, Steven Soderbergh is the shit. Only he could make a movie about strippers and have it turn out gold. I'll watch anything with Phillip Seymore Hoffman. Friday Night Lights. The Cell. I loved A Scanner Darkly (the book is on my Christmas wish list) and I really think someone should pitch the idea to Richard Linklater that he should make Naked Lunch into a movie like that. I tried watching the David Cronenberg version but that bug with the talking butthole on it's back ruined it for me.

Music:
I have incredibly eclectic tastes. A lot of it's kind of obscure-ish, no I'm not a hipster (I'm too fat and sometimes I wear cargo shorts hahaha) but I like finding stuff that's new and interesting. I've found that although I love many different genres, I usually only like a couple bands or even just a couple albums, with the exception of Classical, I can listen to it all day every day regardless of composer. I'm not incredibly fond of Metal because I'm so picky but Slipknot - Slipknot and Cradle of Filth - Midian are both easily in my top 5 albums ever. Same with Punk, I haven't found many bands I really enjoyed but Minor Threat's Complete Discography is another top 5 album. I adore the Hip-Hop artist Logic and the Jamie XX remix of Gil Scott-Heron's album I'm New Here is fucking amazing. I have yet to suggest it to someone who didn't like it. I like a few different Post-Rock bands, Godspeed You! Black Emperor's East Hastings is very high on my favorite songs list. I'm currently in love with Childish Gambino. Camp is so raw and heartfelt and just amazing. Some other albums: Ash - 1977 (first album I ever received and still one of my favorites) Grouper - Dragging a Dead Deer Up a Hill, Blessed Feathers - From the Mouths of the Middle Class, Micachu - Jewellry, Minus the Bear - Highly Refined Pirates, Elliott Smith - Either/Or, Brand New - The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me, and the Galaxy News Radio Fallout 3 Soundtrack.

*Edit: Rap. All day. And 2000's Alt Rock. I listen to Yelawolf, MGK, Rittz, Bone Thugs, Mac Miller, and a smattering of some other artists alllllll the time. Addicted to Yelawolf...

Food:
Um, food. Uh, I like food. I don't LOVE food so if you're a foodie you'll have to forgive me for not sharing that particular passion. I used to be a comfort-eater and got really big in my last relationship because I was ridiculously unhappy. We split, I found a very successful way to break that psychological connection and pretty much 180ed. I usually only eat when I'm hungry, which usually isn't often, hence the diminishing figure, but when I do I like things that are simple and delicious. Tacos and fajitas are favorites, salads, sushi, blue rare steak, pea salad. I'm very fond of brown ales (think Moose Drool) and I love good scotch. Pistachios. Pistachios are the bizzy.

Sports:
Portland Timbers. This should probably also be listed under my 'religion' section. Really I like watching sports in general, I get waaaaaay too excited watching football games. So drinks at a sports bar is always a good date plan.

Video games:
I wouldn't consider myself a serious business gamer as I've only gotten sucked into a few games, but when I do get sucked in it's legit. Finals week a friend let me borrow Fallout 3 and I played it straight for 3 days until I beat it. And still managed to pull a 3.9 GPA. Like a buass. So yeah, Fallout 3 and New Vegas, I loved Tomb Raider 2, any of the RockBand games (I can sing most songs on hard or expert and I'm a five star drummer/guitar player on medium), Silent Hill 2, Resident Evil 4, Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Toejam and Earl, Soul Caliber 2, and I fucking LOVE Mortal Kombat for the 360. Fatality training camp? Hells yes! Recent additions include Silent Hill: Homecoming and Batman: Arkham Asylum. ZOMGod, fuggin' Batman: Arkham City. Best fuckin' game ever!!!! If you haven't played it, do it. Unless you're super busy, 'cause that shit will control you. It's like crack. Edit: Correction. Black Ops 2 is like crack. Delicious crack. Om nom nom.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I want to fill this out but it'd be all cliche shit like my intelligence and hunger for knowledge, stimulating (giggity) conversation and people who teach me things about myself, themselves, and life. Which I think sounds pretentious and dickhead-y 'cause I know lots of stupid people who hang out with other stupid people and yet are still walking around breathing and living and whatnot. I want to find six things that I could absolutely not live without. People, I guess. I can't live without people. I'm an extrovert and although I am more than happy to hang out by myself, playing games or looking up anything and everything ever on the internet, I need people to interact with on a regular basis in order to feel satisfied and I think that's probably what this question is really asking. Trapped on a desert island question? A friend. I would bring a friend. So that I could eat them. Lulz. Jay Kay.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Human behaviors and possible evolutionary explanations for them. What people really mean when they say "God." Why most men's cologne smells like jizz. And why does a string of z's indicate sleepiness? I never buzz when I'm tired...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Fuck this question. Who cares what I usually do, what matters is what I want to do. And what I want to do is contemplate the universe with you over a beaker of fine ale. With a nice smattering of ridiculous and possibly raunchy/offensive commentary designed to get you to laugh.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I killed Mufasa.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
you're the guy I was talking about in my self-summary.

Or if what I mentioned in my typical Friday section sounds appealing to you.

Message me if either of those applies to you and you actually have time for another person in your life. I want to get to know you. I'm not trying to find a bunch of pennies. I want some quarters. Hopefully that analogy makes sense.

Also, please do not assume that my having casual sex listed means I automatically want to have sex with you. I don't respond to filthy messages, I'm intelligent, so engage me. That's not to say I'm not a pervert, because I most definitely am. I'm just saying that "hey girl do u like big thick cock" probably isn't the best ice breaker. 'Cause I don't. My ish is tiny and I'm not trying to have my walls disappear. And if one more guy asks me if I want to have some 'sexy fun' with him... I'm going to ignore him like I have all the other dudes who've messaged me with that same shitty line. I wanted that to sound intimidating...fail. For real though. Also, I don't fuck dudes who don't read so don't brag about your illiteracy like it's a trophy. Totes not adorbs.