I MOVED TO CANADA OH SHIIIIII
(From Seattle, if you're wondering.)

FYI: some of this profile is pretty goddamn old. MUCH LIKE YOUR MOTHER.

I'm quite odd. Not in the walking-down-the-street-with-a-squid-on-her-h­​ead sense (not to say that I haven't had close calls with cephalopods) but rather in that I seem to be wired up in the brain rather differently. I'm generally cheerful and usually violent. But friendly-violent, I swear. I forget to eat for days, but engage in sushi-eating competitions with huge hairy Norwegians (the Norwegians are a race famous for their sushi consumption. Really. Trust me). I'm obsessive about proper English even on the internet, but strange typos creep into my writing (I cannot conjugate verbs correctly). (And sometimes I speak entirely in LOLCATS captions.) (In case you haven't caught on, I love parentheticals.)

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes: I like fish. And chemistry. And video, board, card and roleplaying games. I am a big nerdly geek. I still make fun of LARPers, though. You lovable freaks, you! I also love science fiction, but you'll hear more about that later, if you persevere. I have few vices, but the ones I've got I'm really serious about. I tend to be pretty damn monofocused on things I really want. I curse possibly too much, and probably too weirdly. Or at least that's what your mom told me last night.

I believe very strongly in personal responsibility and, at the same time, humility. (If you don't see the paradox there, you haven't thought hard enough about it.) I try to generally have respect for Life, the Universe and Everything. And yet, most of the time I act like a self-aggrandizing jerkwad. A sexy self-aggrandizing jerkwad. Hey, it seems to work.

Really, though, I'm just looking for someone to disprove my all girls are crazy theory. Also for THE LULZ.

I'm MORE curtains.

I am selcouth, amorevolous, ludic and totally in love with this sentence.

My life, like so many others, got majorly fuxxed by The Economy, or at least that's what I like to tell myself late, late at night when I am buried in a nest of my unemployment checks. Also, there was a sewage flood. Really. Like with poop. In my lab. In my ISO class IV CLEAN ROOM. And then I was unemployed, so I decided to live the American Dream and move to Canada.

HI CANADA.

Anyway, when I was working I was a nuclear analytical chemist and would really like to be so again. I've consider hanging around outside TRIUMF until they give me a job, but I suspect that would get me arrested sooner than it would get me employed. All of the science-y jobs around here preferentially hire citizens or permanent residents and although I applied for permanent residence the paperwork hasn't even begun to go through yet, so it's quite likely I'll end up doing something else for a while. Anything else. ANYTHING AT ALL SHIT I WANT A JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRB. So if you see me trying to sell you shoes or something, just remember: This is what higher education gets you. Also, do you know anyone who needs a chemist? And isn't trying to make meth? Or at least isn't trying to make meth illegally?

Working in a Starbucks yet: [ ] Yes [x] No

UPDATE: I got a job! Like a year ago! Now I test horses for drugs (yes, really). Please insert your own Starbucks/horse piss joke here.

Sexy sexy chemistry! NMR, GC/MS, HPLC, LC/MS/MS (triple quads are HOT) and a bunch of other letters. Taking things apart and putting them back together again, especially electronics (this resulted in numerous groundings as a child and almost certainly should have killed me by now). Blowing things up. Keraunoscopia, which is also my AIM screenname. Doodling. Various X-rated activities. League of Legends (I WILL PWN YOU MOTHERFUCKERS). Tying cherry stems into knots with my tongue. Puzzles. I tend to be pretty good at most games - I pick up strategy quickly, and I'm damn competitive to boot. Not to mention I can button-mash with the best of them. Plus, I am officially the Reigning Champion (Western Hemisphere) of Jungle Speed.

Apparently the thing most people notice first is my Serenity t-shirt, if I'm wearing it. I'd like to think that's just because it was such a great movie, but I suspect the location of the lettering might have something to do with it...

DEAR OKCUPID: PLEASE DECIDE ON ONE METHOD TO INDICATE LINE BREAKS AND KEEP IT THAT WAY I AM TIRED OF HAVING TO FIX THIS BIT AFTER EVERY MAJOR SITE OVERHAUL KTHNXBYE.

And now: a huge chunk of text! Or possibly several chunks of text! Who knows!

A) Dear God, books. I read constantly, usually when I should be something else, and besides reading I love books themselves. The feel of them, the smell of the paper, the way they can be used to squish inconvenient life forms, everything. I've got a ton of them, and although I have several highly eclectic interests, I focus on science fiction and comic books. I have read EVERY Hugo Award-winning novel AND every Nebula Award-winning novel. Most of them were pretty good, a few of them were awful (and I will tell you how awful at length if you indicate even the slightest interest). Some favorite authors are Mieville, Wolfe, Cherryh, Bujold, LeGuin, Morrow, Brin, Butler, Keyes, McIntyre, Niven, Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Neil Gaiman, Tad Williams - are you getting the picture here? - but most especially Asimov, whom I adore beyond life itself. My Very Favorite Book Ever is Good Omens. Needless to say, if you want advice on what to read or to debate the comparative merits of practically every science fiction author ever ("Peirs Anthony sucks donkey balls!" "Your Mother sucks donkey balls!") I'm your girl. (P.S. If you're curious, I am firmly on the side of Peirs Anthony sucking donkey balls. I don't know your mother that well .... yet.)

Comic-book-wise, I've really enjoyed Astro City, the GLA, Transmet, Fables, Lucifer, My Faith in Frankie (it's a little one shot book, and possibly the sweetest thing ever. And, I should mention, will give you a rather large hint as to my ideas about Romance), Courtney Crumrin, Scott Pilgrim (I was Ramona Flowers for Halloween - easiest costume EVER) and whatever goddamn indie shit catches my eye.

B) Jesus God, the last movie I saw was Step Up 2: The Streets, which was pretty obviously written by a bunch of middle class white dudes who think that having their characters talk about "The Streets" in every other sentence makes them sound "urban."

... which is to say, I enjoy really crap movies. UPDATE: I saw another movie! Probably! I have no idea what it was! It might have been Up! If that sounds really dated, that is because I don't watch that many movies! And an awful lot of them really are crap! I am very excited about this update apparently!!!!

UPDATED UPDATE: Oh fine, Pop Culture, you win. I started going to a friend's movie night and am now slowly working through the "classics." I FINALLY GET THE TOP GUN VOLLEYBALL JOKE YOU GUYS. But the best damn movie of all time is definitely Bitch Slap. Seriously.

C) FUCKING MUSIC HOW DOES IT WORK. Jesus. I used to go with the standard "Everything but rap and country" deal but that's a lie. A dirty, dirty lie spawned by hipster-style musical SHAME. But I'm going to come clean now: I fucking love rap. SHUT UP I KNOW HOW WHITE I AM. Like, really fucking white, okay? That doesn't mean I can't still like Jay-Z. Also the Flobots are goddamn amazing. Also also, hipster music is shit. There, I said it. The Decemberists sound like a six year old whining about getting a thesaurus instead of a pony for Christmas and bands that no one's heard of are usually obscure because they DESERVE to be. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER NOW.

D)Foooooodz. Look, I've lived in the Northwest a fairly long time now, you can probably guess. I eat thai, pho, and sushi almost to the exclusion of all else, but am still a sucker for anything comes from a farmer's market or a food cart. I can AND WILL eat entire jars of extra-hippy local honey only barely diluted with tea. And even though I am a horrible filthy heathen who puts milk and honey in tea, I still have relatively snotty opinions about tea, and drink way more of it than is probably wise. Coffee can go fuck itself, though. I have both waited around outside my favorite sushi joint in Seattle until they opened in the morning AND been thrown out as they were closing for the night. I roast a mean duck. I refuse to roast nice ducks, because they don't taste as good.

The unspoken E) TV: Firefly, of course. Also Battlestar Galactica, Dr. Who and Torchwood. New Futurama rocks my socks, perhaps because I have all of Old Futurama memorized. I enjoy The Venture Brothers and, ummm ... 30 Rock. And that's pretty much the only reasonably current TV I ever watch (although given how infrequently I update this thing, it's quite possible that all these shows will have been canceled years ago by the time you are reading this, Mystery Future Internet Person). Curling and cricket are about the only sports I'll actually watch on TV, mostly 'cause I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. And because sliding big rocks around on ice is legitimately cool.

Previous experience has shown that I can survive for at least seven days with nothing but a tarp, a knife, an axe, ten feet of rope and six nubile teenagers.

I'm sure I could do without the tarp, though.

If my computer is on, I absolutely guarantee that Dwarf Fortress is running. Why YES I do have a number of hilarious dwarf stories (and dwarf-related aggravation - PICK UP THAT FUCKING SOCK YOU LAZY DRUNKEN HAIRBAG). Would you like to hear my dwarf stories? WOULD YOU?! No? You're going to back slowly away now? That's probably wise.

Every time I'm looking at this box, I'm thinking about okcupid, so most of the answers I come up with make it sound like I'm totally obsessed with this website, which I'm not. So, keeping in mind I think about lots of other things, too, this is what I'm thinking about now:

I spend way more time looking at potential enemies than friends. Before they came up with this whole enemy-percentage thing, I even went to the trouble of creating my evil twin's profile so I could see who her friends would be (answer: drunken baptist marines! woo!). I also spent a fair bit of time looking for my best match ever; so far it's a straight, 57-year-old PhD graduate with a beard you could hide a full-grown musk ox in. (99%.) (Note: if I could grow a beard that could hide large mammals - or, say, be braided in Epic Dwarven Style - I totally would.) (I am evidently a little dwarf-obsessed.) All of my next highest matches are bisexual women in their twenties. Which is bad, because bisexual women in their twenties are notoriously fickle.

Also I find many of my test results suspect. Particularly since after the last major site overhaul I went from being "More into sports" to "Less active."

Really, though, I mostly think about chemistry, electronics and GAMES.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelah!

Wow, this was so out of date it mentioned Battlestar Galactica like it was still on the air...

I think there's an about equal chance that I am 1. Getting drunk and playing video games 2. out having dinner somewhere with people or 3. going somewhere else. For example, the Friday of the week that I am writing this in, I am driving to Oregon to go learn woodsy things at a training session for company that I do not actually work for. My life is kinda weird.

Magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.

It seems to me that most people use this question as a means for talking about sex without being saddled with the social stigma that comes with being someone who talks about sex in a public forum, which is faintly ridiculous.

That said, I sure do like sex.

Hokay, so I was terrible at my last message-y gimmick, but I really like the idea that everyone who messages me should get a response of SOME kind, especially if they read this whole goddamn thing. Soooo ... message me with a decently spelled message that does not ask for sex and I'll give you a word you've almost certainly never seen used that is nonetheless a legitimate part of the English language. Message me with the other kind of message and I will either ignore you, correct your spelling or start yelling like a /b/-tard depending on whim.

NERDBOYS BE WARNED:
Hiiii you guys. Y'all fucking love me, which I get, because I have boobs but am also seriously interested in arguing about which roleplaying system is better and play League of Legends (Teemo top 4EVA) and can probably school you at Twilight Imperium and this is rare and special. And I totally love you back, man. Nerdboys fucking rock my world, and I am super happy to be friends and play games and have the aforementioned arguments/conversations AND give you honest-to-god, from-an-actual-girl advice about girls. Most of my bestest friends are people of the boy-ish, extremely nerd-ish persuasion. However! I am NOT SINGLE and I am probably not going to get to fuck you. Sorry!

P.S. If you find yourself becoming angry about my unavailability, you should probably re-examine your priorities. Which is to say: chill the fuck out, Angry Internet Boys, it's not my responsibility to date you, and it's not your responsibility to police the internets.