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32 • Walnut Creek, CA • Man
I’m looking for
- Ages 22–39
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
- Last online
- Yesterday – 8:42pm
- 5′ 10″ (1.78m)
- Body type
- Strictly anything
- Atheism, and laughing about it
- Scorpio, but it doesn’t matter
- Graduated from university
- Strictly monogamous
- Doesn’t have kids
- Has dogs and likes cats
I'm what I like to call "indoorsy"; even though I hike and work outside all day I'm actually only inside at night because it's dark and scary out there. I've played in a recreational softball league and a sand volleyball league (If you know of one in the area please tell me). I've kayaked thrice in my life and had a blast - now I want to get my own kayak and paddle around the bay because what's the worst that can happen? Great white shark attack. Is the worst that can happen. Scientists recently found a tumor in a white shark for the first time...maybe they aren't so great after all.
• We should eliminate the "great" from white sharks.
• I am not above shamelessly ripping off Jim Gaffigan.
✓ If that was too long for you, you should probably read more.
What did we learn in this section?
⇒ I have a solid grasp of human anatomy.
⇒ I am completely incapable of comprehending the concept of figurative speech.
Comic Books: To clarify for anyone who's confused: conservative Christians aren't mad that Iceman is now gay in the comics, they just worry that his ice power will make it difficult for God to burn him for his sin.
Movies:The best movie in the history of mankind is Gremlins 2 (No joke), and the most underrated (underseen is more accurate) movies from the last two years are Short Term 12 and John Wick.
TV: I like House of Cards, True Detective, Flash, Arrow, Game of Thrones and Children's Hospital. You know the acting on Walking Dead is great when even the guns emote. (When Rick's gun is pointed down you know it's sad.)
Music: My favorite recentish album is Jason Isbell's Southeastern. I'm also listening to Lumineers, M83, Passion Pit, Stephen Lynch, Civil Wars, Chvrches, Jenny Lewis, and my musical tastes are so ever evolving that if Darwin came back from the dead he could write a 1000 page book about them. If he had time between all of his eating of braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains.
Food: Mexican, Italian, Thai, Burmese, BBQ, etc. I also just discovered sweet sriracha uncured bacon jerky from Trader Joes and...
Podcasts (Because this section isn't long enough):
I listen to Doug Loves Movies, Improv4humans, Comedy Bang Bang weekly.
As a man I'd like to think that I don't need anything (Besides my dog for you narrative continuity nerds) - like you could drop me in the middle of the wilderness like Aron Ralston, Chris Mccandless or Timothy Treadwell, with a knife and flint and I'd survive - but then I remember that the only one of them who made it out of the wilderness alive did it by sawing his own arm off with a swiss army knife. For that reason I'm gonna throw "my Iphone" on the list. That way even if there isn't service I can at least play Angry Birds as I die of thirst and/or exposure.
➣ This isn't six things.
➣ Mentioning my dog here was mostly an excuse to put that joke in my profile.
➣ Seriously, it's a smart joke.
► If the Police song "Every little thing she does is magic" was written in the 1600's it would have taken on a much darker tone.
► When anaerobic organisms have panic attacks do their friends tell them "just relax and don't breathe"?
► Condensed down to their major life events all koalas do is eat shit and die.
In the offseason I work hard and cliche harder like everybody else.
→ Please only message me if you know the difference between you'll and yule.
→ You wear glasses: They are the windows to the windows to the soul.
→ Bonus points if you don't have a beard.
→ Just message me. I promise I'll reply if I want to.
Ps. If I offended, let me now issue a blanket apology: I am so sorry, blankets.
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