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timeandtempest

27 M Phoenix, AZ

My Details

Last Online
Yesterday – 5:18pm
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body Type
A little extra
Diet
Smokes
Yes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Atheism, and laughing about it
Sign
Capricorn, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Technology
Income
$40,000–$50,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Sign Language (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Oh, well hi there! I'm Jordan, this 26 year old guy who says and does things and will eventually die. ...I'm mostly in it for the stories I will have happen to me (and consequently get to later embellish and tell) in the interim.
What I’m doing with my life
The specifics to that are subject to change on a seasonal / whim basis, but usually include:

- social butterfly-ing
- working for a rural area-servicing ISP, which is just a bundle of laughs at all times
- being a nerd and doing nerdy things
I’m really good at
- Scrabble
- sarcasm
- knowing how to spell things; conversely, making people feel bad for not knowing how to spell things
- that thing I can do with my tongue when I'm a little bit drunk
- babyland frolics
The first things people usually notice about me
I would imagine that, upon meeting me for the first time, one's internal monologue sounds something like this:

"Huh, that guy has.. some really fluffy hair. I wonder if his mother was a dandelion.. hm. And wow, those.. are those glasses upside-down? No, I guess they're just designed weird, but they're definitely pink. It's a shame he smells like angels and pheromones, because I'm pretty sure he's gay*."

*I am not, in fact, but that does not change my informal exit polling figures, which indicate that up to 60% of all people interacting with me for the first time are "at least curious about (his) sexuality."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
This is a pretty expansive question, but, uh.. okay, so:

Movies - Anything Tarantino touched, The Big Lebowski, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Away We Go, Snatch, Trainspotting, holyfucksomanyotherthings.

Television - Sons of Anarchy, Always Sunny, True Blood, Key and Peele, The Newsroom, Arrested Development, Adventure Time!, The Walking Dead, Mad Men, and so on and so forth.

Music - Pretty much anything.. I'm partial to ska, but not current with it. I'm kind of on a rap kick right now, and my tastes are currently stuck in 2003-2005. No country ever (Cash is transcendental). I'm appreciative of classical, but don't listen to it very often.

Books - The Perks of Being a Wallflower, 1984, On the Road, Dante's Inferno (Ciardi translation; it totally matters), anything by Dave Eggers, mostly the same for David Sedaris, Fahrenheit 451, House of Leaves, wait I almost forgot anything by John Green, The Fuck-Up, The Ender's Game series (too bad OSC is a racist, homophobic fuckwad), Overqualified, aaaaand then like a whole bunch of other stuff. Bonus information: my relationship with books is mostly in fits and spurts. I won't read anything for like.. six months, then clear 7000 pages in a week and a half or so.
The six things I could never do without
1) Music.
2) Baby animals. I don't need to own any, I just need to know they're out there being adorable as shit.
3) Glasses.
4) Laughter.
5) Air conditioning. Not in Phoenix, at least.
6) Water. As in "YO' BODY NEEDS WATER, SO DRINK THAT SHIT!"
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Off the top of my head..

- Whether our economy is IMploding or EXploding.

- That no matter how much I know about it, the Internet will always be magic as far as I'm concerned.

- I wonder if I'll ever be a Missed Connection on Craigslist.. it's nice, no matter how unnecessary, to be noticed sometimes.

- Will I ever pick up that guitar in the corner and learn how to play it?

- There are over 8,000,000,000 people in the world.. what are the chances that someone's having this exact same thought right now (especially if it's crazy esoteric like "if I absolutely had to construct a blow dart in the next thirty seconds, what materials do I have within immediate reach that will best suit those needs")?
On a typical Friday night I am
Working. :/ Whompwhomp!

I work weekdays, 3:15 PM to 11:45 PM, soooo.. that puts a damper on that whole thing.

BUT OH, GOD, THE SATURDAYS!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Sometimes - if I'm alone, or certain no one's watching - if I'm feeling even somewhat pimp-like, I'll brush the dirt off of my shoulders.

I mean, like, symbolically. I'm not running around with dirty shoulders or whatever.

You just, you know.. when Jay-Z tells you to do something, you fucking do it.
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 18–35
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You want to talk or think we could be soulmates (or arch enemies, because that could be entertaining) or are not opposed to texts in all caps at three in the morning (or are totally opposed to it but are a super forgiving person).