there's a quote from crowded house that says a hell of a lot right now.  "smiling as the shit comes down, you can tell a man from what he has to say."  or a woman, i suppose.  

well, kids, the shit is coming down as we speak.  or type.  i can only hope it won't screw up my schooling at this point--i only have one semester to graduate, dammit.  that's all i ask. 

in spite of all this, i'm on here.  i'm actually worrying about finding someone else over whom to fall like a total idiot.  it would appear i am a sucker for punishment.  i can't help but still think, though, that there's something amazing just around the corner, and if i give up now, i'll miss out.  thus, the bottomless pit of optimism.  i'm picky, yes.  that isn't going to change.  but i still have hope.

well.  started back to school.  was a damn fool and took two classes in subjects in which i do not excel: math (stats) and english (speech--ironically, an online course).  anyway, am off like a speeding glacier with both.  next tues i have to present my first speech.  gah!  and the next day i have my first stats test.  double gah!!  i'm so out of practice being a student in the structured manner.  i sincerely hope it won't take long to get back in the routine.  jeez, it's been a long time.

ok, so i'm starting back to school (AT LAST!) on monday--my birthday! yeah, happy birthday to me. well, really, it is. i've been trying to figure out how to get back for years. i finally bit the damn bullet and i'm going, and i'm excited about it. also a tad scared, yes. i was pretty smart in high school and in the classes i've already taken, but it's been ten years. what if i got struck stupid in the meantime? it gives one pause. anyway. have been seeing someone i met on here for a little while now. wow--just realizing it's been a month-and-a-half! he's really quite lovely--my god, i've never met anyone like him, least of all through an online service!! it's rough, though--he's in a very difficult position being in the middle of a (maybe) divorce. the (maybe) part is what makes it all very difficult for me. i've always sworn i'd rather die than be the other woman, but here i am! it's funny how circumstance can bring one to one's knees with so little effort sometimes. but i'm stubborn. i'm also trying very, very hard simply to be strong for myself. in the end, i'll live with me for the rest of my life, regardless of who else is along for the ride, right? i think it would be easier if i were more ruthless and less compassionate. it suppose wouldn't bother me if i broke someone else's heart as long as my own was satisfied. *sigh*

 

*edit* i finally had to tell him i couldn't play placeholder anymore.  i guess we'll see if i've made the right decision in time....

color me embarrassed. i didn't know one was required to post in a journal here!

ok. so, i joined this site actually, um, a couple or three years ago. frankly, i'd forgotten about it. then, maybe a month and a half ago, i started going on to other dating sites. shan't name names as none were worth my time in the end. anyway, one day, somehow i was reminded i had a profile on here--i think i got a message alert, or some such thing. so, i came back and checked it out. heh. this site is far more entertaining than any of the others, besides not feeding any lines or charging for services. i'm a quiz addict, i admit it. =D

i've met a couple men through here. one was not so good (but if i'd paid attention to the match/friend percentage, i might have figured that!) the other...i don't dare say too much. i like him. i've told him that a couple times. i wish i didn't feel so strongly so soon. that's not like me at all. hell, i'm kind of surprised i'm capable of feeling anything at this stage of the game.

i'm just trying to take it day by day. (but every day i wake up thinking of him.)